Bangladeshi Wins Nobel Peace Prize

UPDATE: Samiha Esha has a page with profile of and to congratulate Dr Yunus on his achievement.

Was just on the way to work when I heard on the radio that Dr. Muhammad Yunus and the Grameen Bank have been awarded the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize. Dr. Yunus, from Bangladesh, founded the bank which offers loans to the poor in Bangladesh who have no financial security (usually women) [BBC]. He set up the bank in 1976 with just $27 from his own pocket. Thirty years on, the bank has 6.6 million borrowers, of which 97% are women, according to the Grameen website, and the defaulting rate is astonishingly low.

The theory is that rural poor women are more responsible with money than their husbands, who may blow it on gambling, drinks or prostitutes. The women use the money to start home businesses which if prospers can be used to pay back the loan with interest.

The Nobel Peace Prize honours those who do the "most or best work during the year for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies or for the holding and promotion of peace congresses".

It's a proud moment to be a Bangladeshi. Historically the other person of note to win the Nobel prize from Bangladesh was Rabindranath Tagore, for Literature.

Muhammad Yunus - Wikipedia profile

Grameen Bank - Website | Wikipedia

Tags: Muhammad Yunus Grameen Bank Nobel Peace Prize

Lameass Conversations of The Week - 2

This is important.

Mezba is a guy's name. Repeat, Mezba is a guy.

This is the second time it happened this week. I am emailing a contact for some parts, and he replies back that the shipment is ready, would he come and deliver it? I email back yes. Now, my non-personal emails are usually curt and to the point. Hello. Refer to my last email ... blah blah.. Sincerely, Mezba. End of story.

So the guy comes and walks into our place. I am sitting at the computer.

"Hi, I am looking for a Miss Mezba."

I am sitting there with the biggest WTF look on my face. He's a white, definitely non-desi dude who would never have heard the name Mezba before. And he thinks it's a girl's name? Thank God my name isn't Abeer, Rumi, Shaymol, Pat, or Huda.

A Marriage Talk (again)

No, not me. Not yet.

A friend was going to Bangladesh to get married. His parents throw a small party to celebrate the fact. I ask him about the bride-to-be.

"Oh she's really nice .. yadda yadda yadda .. but she has got straight hair." He announces.

"So?"

"I like curly hair." He makes a face. "That was my initial reason I delayed saying 'yes'."

"Well, she can always get a perm, you know." His mother cuts in.

"Ya," his father, eager to not be left out, offers his comments as well. "Marriage is compromise. You can't always get everything you want. Everyone has to compromise. For example, when I married I had to ..."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth he froze.

Aunty turned on him.

"Yes, continue? What did you compromise when you married ME?!"

"No, dear, I was just saying, example-wise..."

"Three proposals, THREE proposals my father turned down for you, that also one from a Chowdhury bari, I will have you know..."

And I thought the party was going to be boring.

For the record this happened over a year ago and all concerned parties are happily married.

So far.

PS. Is it my imagination or do most Bengali husbands appear to be henpecked?

Link: Previous Lameness

Tags: Toronto Desi

Car Dealer Conspiracy Theory

"I have stumbled on the perfect conspiracy." An uncle confided to other uncles at the iftar party I had to attend the other day.

Now if you are wondering what I was doing in the uncles' section - the iftar party had 20 guys and 3 girls - and I got tired of the guys whose only topic of conversation seemed to be lamenting the fact that there were only 3 girls. So on the pretext of getting more haleem I wandered over to see what discussion the uncles were having.

"Yes, the perfect conspiracy designed to suck our money," this uncle was saying. "I went to this car dealership the other day to lease a car for 4 years. But the warranty was only for THREE YEARS!!! Imagine that. They want me to pay an extra 100 dollars for one more year! What a fantastic conspiracy to grab the money of a hard working Muslim and send it to Israel!"

"But," one other uncle was clearly confused. "Didn't you say the dealership was owned by this muslim Saudi friend of yours? A Mohammad-something?"

"Hmmph!" The original uncle turned defensive. "I bet the manufacturer still forces him to contribute money to Israel!"

Never let the facts get in the way of a good conspiracy theory. I like this one. Arabs have oil that drive cars that the West makes and sells to Arabs and this funds Israel. However you need oil to drive the car which benefits the Arabs. No wonder there is no peace in the middle east.

On a side note I have another slightly sacrilegious question for the religious.

In Islam the act of intimate relations between a husband and his wife is considered to be an act of ibadah or worship, right? And in Ramadan, every act of worship is rewarded thousand times more than usual, right?

So logically, in Ramadan, shouldn't you be having more sex, not less?

Those 20 guys should thank me once they are married.

New York Pics

Apparently Flickr lets you create only 3 sets if you are a freeloader - which is kind of an aaaagh feeling. I guess I have to rejig my sets. I am placing a few pics below, the full slideshow can be started from here.


Times Square.


Grand Central Station.


St. Patrick's Cathedral.


Atlas holds up the world.


A stealthfighter above Liberty Island.


That statue.


A view from the ferry.

Jack Straw's Comments On The Veil

So Jack Straw wants to suggest that Muslim women ban themselves from wearing the veil [BBC].

Now before we get ourselves all worked up, let's examine and debate the issue a bit.

First, read Maliha's letter to an Imam who suggested in a khutba that women in the West should wear the Niqab. She also posted an update later.

Mr Straw's statements seem to be directed at the niqab which covers the whole face. In fact, I will come out with a stronger statement.

I wish all Muslim women would STOP wearing the niqab and the burqa. Simple hijab, yes. Niqab, no.

There, I said it. I think the Niqab is old fashioned, outdated, un-Islamic, and not helpful to practicing your religion at all. It has nothing to do with being pious. It's a piece of cloth. Some Muslim women are the first to say, judge me not by what I wear but what I am. And they are the first to pass judgment on a women not wearing the hijab. The courtesy of such a judgment extends both ways, sister.

The Quran discusses hijab here:

"Say to the believing man that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity for them; and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; and that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands..." (Qur'an 24:30-31)

From the verse, we see that Allah has only loosely defined the meaning of the word modesty. That's for the better, as different situations require different applications. In Saudi Arabia, where some men are lecherous pigs who do not know how to behave with a women, the niqab is a necessity. In the West, the niqab is a barrier.

In fact, there appears to be a hadith that contradicts the niqab.

Ayesha (R) reported that Asmaa the daughter of Abu Bakr (R) came to the Messenger of Allah (S) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asmaa! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." (Abu Dawood)

From the rules of pilgrimage, we know that a women must NOT keep her face covered while on Hajj. Clearly therefore, Allah does not think that a women who does not cover her face is immodest. Why then, must a women cover her face?

People forget that Hijab is not merely a covering dress but more importantly, it is behavior, manners, speech and appearance in public. Dress is only one facet of the total being. I have seen many hijabis (and I mean MOST hijabis I have encountered) to forget this fact. I don't mean a slight on any sister, but sometimes it is better for these women to NOT wear the hijab. They are not ready for it, and crave the attention that the hijab denies them. Therefore they seek attention in other ways, more sinful than had they just left their hair uncovered.

Having said all of this, however, recall that last November, Imperial College of London decided to ban hijabs and hoodies. In addition, conditions for hijab wearing women in Europe have been worsening. Schoolgirls in France cannot wear the headscarf anymore, while several Dutch and German constituencies prohibit the women teachers in public schools from wearing scarves. Therefore, should the Minister's statements be seen in the context of this new anti-hijab mentality?

Reflecting on the issue for a bit, I don't think so. Given that I myself (and some other Muslims) say the same thing, it would be hypocritical of me to criticize him. Mr Straw has said he just wanted a debate on the issue within the Muslim community in the larger context of integration, and we should take him at his word. Allah has asked us several times in the Quran to not spy or suspect each other, and the Prophet has asked us several times, if possible, to take others at their word and believe good of them. Therefore we should show maturity and debate the issue.

Given the radicals that seem to be present in the British Muslim community, I am not too hopeful of this, though.

PS. BBC has good pictures of a hijab, niqab, almira and chaddor, along with descriptions.

Tags: Niqab Hijab Jack Straw British Muslims

Islamiat Period

In our formative school years in the Middle East, the Islamiat teachers were an extra special bunch. While it must have been a downer that not many pupils chose Religious Studies for O'Levels (and let's face it, O'Levels were tough), our Islamiat teachers refused to let that fact bother them.

Ours was a middle aged Egyptian man, slightly stocky, who had the unfortunate accent of mispronouncing (as most Egyptians) the 'j' and the 'p' sound. For example, he would pronounce 'jump' as 'gump' (the 'g' as in 'gone'). The mispronunciation of the 'p' sound, however, was especially unnerving.

I had just switched schools, and on my second day of class, he rounds up on me as the new kid.

"Ho, do you bray?"

I looked at him. "Um, bray?"

"Yes, do you bray five times a day? Answer me!"

It was only my natural familiarity of Arabs pronouncing 'Pepsi' as 'Bebsi' that led me to replying, "Yes sir. I bray five times a day. I bray in the morning, then I bray in the afternoon, and I bray again when I go home. Sir!" He was ofcourse asking me about praying.

Islamiat was to him a funny subject to teach, as he was not very 'Islamic' himself. However schools in the Middle East weren't too selective about teacher qualifications. Any Arab knowing a bit of Islam qualified to be an Islamic teacher - after all he knew Arabic and was Muslim - end of story.

Once in class he was teaching us the Battle of Badr, and he started to talk profusely.

"You see, these were kids, as young as you all." He referred to Samra Ibn Jinid, aged 13, who wanted to join the Muslim army. "And they wanted to fight in the heat while fasting! And you-" he looked at us disdainingly. "-you don't even want to attend P.E. class in Ramadan."

"But sir," A Tunisian boy stood up, "those Sahabis didn't have to write a ten page essay on why the Battle of Badr was a pivotal moment in history also."

Needless to say the student was punished. We are usually not known for our sense of humour regarding religion. Once they were discussing Prophet Yusuf (Joseph) in class. I had the audacity to say, "Wow, he was the most handsome man ever created, he was King, and he was a Prophet of Allah! Some guys have all the luck!"

Needless to say, rather than explaining to me that Prophet Yusuf was thrown down a well as a kid, enslaved as a teenager and spent his youth in prison, so he didn't have "all the luck", I was made to copy Chapter 1 of The Virtues Of Salah into my notebook 4 times.

However the best part of Islamiat was that it was a great time to do the homework for other subjects. They were usually teaching something that we all knew anyways. For example there would be a chapter on respecting your parents. The teacher could drone on, but you knew the bottom line. Allah wants you to respect your parents. All the time while I would be copying the Pure Maths assignment from T.

However, now I come to think of it, those classes had a very good value. Like it or not, they imbibed in us a sense of our culture, and pride in our religion. I did not grew up confused about being a Muslim, unlike some kids who grow up here and receive no education at all about religion at home, because not only did I encounter many different types of Muslims while growing up to know Muslims are not all of the same type, but I also had a good solid education about the fundamentals of the deen. I think in the end, it's important for parents and older siblings here to teach the young ones about their religion and why we believe what we believe. This Ramadan, in addition to trying to understand a part of the Quran in English, we should also try and impart a sense of pride and knowledge of Islam into the children.

Tags: Islamic Studies

ROM Exhibits For Nuit Blanche

A few friends came over after Taraweeh on Friday night and we headed over to the Royal Ontario Museum (ROM) for the Nuit Blanche event. The literal English translation of Nuit Blanche is White Night, which also means 'sleepless night' or a 'night without darkness'. All night long, art exhibits at various places throughout the downtown core were open, for free, and throngs of people clogged the museums and galleries and bars. Reminded me of Ramadan in the Middle East, where the festivities used to start at 10 pm (right after Taraweeh) and continue till 5 am (Suhur) when people had to be 'good' again.

One interesting exhibit at ROM was the conceptual Babel of Knowledge University.



The caveat of the university was that students would be forbidden to socialize until their final year - rather they would spend time isolated from each other so they could devote themselves to the pursuit of knowledge.



Each citadel-like structure in the model is a dorm, and paths led away from the dorms to the classrooms and laboratories. Each class/lab was scheduled in a way so that students going to and fro in the paths would encounter as few fellow students as possible. Each dorm itself further isolated the students, ensuring no disturbances, so students could devote time to studies alone.



Another interesting concept was the following miniature city.



Students were asked to design buildings that imitated either a historic structure or a incorporated a futuristic look, which then city planners fused to create the ultimate mix of old and new.

Tags: Nuit Blanche

Sexy Lady?

Esquire has named Scarlett Johansson the Sexiest woman alive.

This is sexy? This is just fluff on a stick. She's a twig.



Thank God for Jlo, Shakira, Beyonce and others who taught Americans that a woman with a good derriere can also be sexy. Yes, I know it's Ramadan and I am not supposed to be thinking of sexy bottoms but it's after iftar and I was reading the news. The news, people.

I have never understood the Western standard of beauty that demands a woman be pencil thin. Curves add a bit of oomph to the woman. I have a secret theory that the fashion world and magazines that 'judge' these beauties are full of homosexual men who wouldn't know a real woman when they see one. Like this. Or this. Or this.Or even this.

Of Apples And Burgers

My workplace has free BBQ today for its 13,000+ employees. Free burgers, hot dogs, pizza, chips and drinks. Aaagh!

I almost contemplated taking my bag and filling it up for later - true desi style - but in the end decided it was too much bother.

Speaking of bother, is there an unwritten rule that anyone working in the IT sector MUST hate Microsoft?

I remember in college, there was this course on UNIX. Our first assignment was writing a Shell script program. I wrote it, but I used Notepad on Windows to create and edit the file, and test it on UNIX. When I got my assignment back, it had -20% in red 'for using M$ Windoze programs'.

The prof actually ran each submitted file against a scanner that checked for line breaks created by Notepad to see who had used Windows programs. I did argue that it wasn't mentioned anywhere on the course or assignment that we would have to not use Windows but university professors are dictators. I could fight but it was a small assignment and not worth it. Waiting for Day of Judgement for that hisaab to be barabar, iA.

Yesterday, I ran into a friend who had just bought a new laptop. An Apple laptop. And as is typical of Apple users, he started to praise the machine profusely.

"Dude, you gotta get an Apple! It's sooooo much better than stupid Windows. It has this - that - blah blah - *repeat* It's sooooo much better than stupid Windows."

I then made the mistake of saying "Well thank God for Bill Gates and MSN. I mean without MSN my social life -"

Oh boy did he go red!

"What do you mean? The first chat program was developed by Apple licensed by SomeOtherCompany stolen by Microsoft. Same with Windows. It was first developed by LoserInAppleWhoDidn'tLicenseIt and then STOLEN by Billu bhai ..... "

Is there any reason why Apple users immediately start to bash Windows? Insecurity, perhaps? Yes, I get it. Your box is cute. It has a cute little blue apple on top. It has a cute little transparent whatchamacallit on the bottom. Now leave my Windows box alone.

It has stuck by me through thick and thin. When I got my first computer and the best game was a stupid Pong, it was there. When I upgraded to Windows '95, it tried its best to run Prince Of Persia 2 without freezing on Level 10. 95% of the world is with me. I can run any program I want. Any MP3 player or cellphone that's out on the market, I know it will work with my machine. Now that I have Windows XP life is complete.




Tags: Apple Microsoft

Taraweeh Buggers

Or, alternatively, people that bug me during Taraweeh prayers. This has to be said. :-o

I like going to Taraweeh. On most days I even stay for the whole 20 rakats. The recitation of the imam at our mosque reminds me of the qari of the Kaaba - and you can get lost in the melody of the Quran even if you don't understand the meaning. Having said that, there are a couple of kinds of people I really wish would stay at home. I know there are lots of people that attend who will make great blog material, but the following two kinds really bug me. Last night for the last couple of rakats I could not concentrate on my prayers - I was thinking up this blog post (hai hai astakfirullah).

The Spacers

I am aware there is a hadith somewhere that says one must fill up all available space in the first row before going on to the second, and so on. The key word here is available. Too often, the space left is enough for half a person. Unless there is a kid who can come forward, that space should remain unfilled.

But no! Emerges our 'Spacer'. This guy is ready to fill ANY available space. Instead of being half a person's width, he is more often than not two and a half person's width. On the top of that bulk he will usually be wearing a sweater, a cardigan, a pullover, a jacket and a scarf around his neck.



Namaaz loses the khushu and khuzu and becomes a strategy game. At what speed should you go down for sujood, what angle should you be at rukoo time and on top, keeping an eye out for a space opening up at some other place.

So please, if you see an available space, do not fill it up unless

s>b

where s=space to fill and b=your bulk to fill it with.

The Footers

Feet to feet. Shoulder to shoulder. How many times have I heard that? As before, there are a few brothers who take this waaaaaay too literally.

Couple of days ago when the Isha fard prayer started, a brother came and stood next to me, to my left. All of a sudden, half his right foot was over my left foot. Hey, I thought, while the imam was reciting surah Fatiha, maybe I should move my left foot a little to the right. So I did. There was peace - for a few seconds. Then, slowly, the brother moved his right foot until it was again touching crossing my foot.

I was aware that I was in the prayer and should really concentrate on that, but it's hard when a stranger is playing footsies with you. I have noticed it before, the more you move away from their foot the more the foot moves closer to you. They actually spread their legs to take up all available space between feet.



Moral of the story: Feet to feet. Not feet over feet. Not spread legs at 90 degrees angle feet to feet. Don't be a creepy freak.

Tags: Taraweeh

Blue Jays, post Iftar, pre-Taraweeh

Blue Jays vs Red Sox at Toronto.


Not houseful, but a lot of people.


The moment of victory.

PS. Baseball is so boooooooring! I thought cricket was slow - baseball is literally watching paint dry. There is hardly any scoring, and the game has no finesse.

Tags: Blue Jays

Moon Sighting or Moon Fighting

"Ramadan Mubarak!" My aunt called from Bangladesh, "we started our Ramadan from yesterday. How about you?"

"Well," I answered, "we started it from today ..."

"Hmm." I could imagine her raising an eyebrow across the transatlantic phone conversation. "H (her son - my cousin - who also lives in Toronto) started it yesterday. Did you miss one?"

Ofcourse we missed one, her son obviously was on the dot. Given that this was H's first year in Canada, we will excuse aunty's confusion. Yes, the media talks about the 'Muslim voice' and 'Muslim street' and the 'Muslim world ' as if we are one homogeneous entity, yet we in the same city cannot decide on the dates of our holiest days!

There are three schools of thought. The first one says since we follow Saudi calendar for the Hajj (i.e. the pilgrimage is performed in Mecca when it's time for Hajj according to the lunar calendar in Saudi) so we should follow Saudi time for Ramadan.

There are two problems with this school of thought. First, we don't pray when it's the time for prayers in Mecca. Though it would be very convenient to pray Fajr (our dawn prayer) in the evening, we pray when it's time to pray locally. Hajj we do according to Saudi times because we are there in Mecca when we do the Hajj.

The second problem is that the Saudi government is not sincere when it comes to their lunar sighting. They shift around the dates of the calendars according to their whim. Last year, Hajj fell on a Friday. Suddenly the Saudi government was petrified - Hajj on Friday is special, so there would be more people than usual and it would be a nightmare for the security forces. Suddenly, two 80-year-old men "appeared". They claimed they had "seen" the new moon of the Hajj month one day than previously thought. So the Saudi government declared it "believed" them, and shifted the day of Hajj to one day before - i.e. Thursday. Now two 80-year-old guys cannot see enough to tie their own shoelaces, and they can see the moon?

Personally I have seen that most of the minority of the mosques in Toronto that follow Saudi timing are Arab-centric mosques who want to celebrate at the same time as their families back on home.

The second school of thought is the one favoured by ISNA, who decide on astronomical calculations to predict the Islamic calendar. According to them, moon sighting is the means to an end. They point to prayer timings as an example. For example, in the times of the Prophet the time for Asr was when the length of the shadow of a stick is twice the length of the stick. No one does that anymore, we use calculations and clocks to say the time of Asr today, for example, is 6.13 pm. Similarly, one shouldn't have to physically sight the moon nowadays, we can use the calculations. Given this reasoning, ISNA has published the lunar calendar for the next two years (2006, 2007).

There is one problem with this though. There is a clear Hadith that says the Prophet's verdict in case of cloudy nights (when it would be impossible to see the moon even though it should be there by calculations) is to continue the month to it's 30^th day.

The third school of thought is the orthodox school of thought. Every 29th day of the lunar month, people go and look for the new moon. If it is sighted, then the next day is the first day of the next month, else the next day is the 30th day of this month, following which the next month starts. Muslims have been using this rule for the last 1400 years.

My own personal opinion as a laymen is that following Saudi timing is complete bogus. The Saudis themselves are not honest brokers of the lunar calendar, relying on the Saudi government is fallacious. The ISNA suggestion should be debated at length by clerics around the world. When people first suggested using clocks and timings for prayers there was opposition as well. If found sound by the majority of the ulema, it should be adopted and we can have a Global Calendar. However, it should also be noted that ISNA is not consistent in its methodologies - it used different rulings last time around.

I personally favour the orthodox method, for now. It's agreed to by majority of the Muslims, mosques and ulema - and according to the prophet the Ummah will not agree on an error. Since the majority of the Muslims follow the orthodox method for now, this is how we should as well.

Not to mention that the date of Sunday as day 1 of Ramadan implies Eid will most likely be on a Monday - which is really convenient as a long weekend.

The same time, last year.

It's Lunch Day

Forgive me O Lord for I have sinned. I have eaten Junk Food on Lunch Day.

Today was the Lunch Day. That's what I call the last working day before Ramadan starts. I know I wouldn't be going out for lunch for a month, so on Lunch Day I don't bring any food from home but treat myself to a nice lunch. I have maintained this tradition for the last few years. Whereas people's traditions are usually of a spiritual or cultural nature, mine are complete self-satisfactory acts.

Except today, instead of eating the delicious lamb curry at that Indian place, I went for Burger King. Oh the horror - I just couldn't walk by their $1.79 BK fish special and resist - and once there I had to have the onion rings.

The thing I miss most during Ramadan is not the lunch or breakfast or the mint, but the 2 pm coffee. How are you supposed to stay awake? Well, I guess you could keep yourself super busy with work. I would be interested to know if someone did a study on productivity levels of fasting Muslims at 2 in the afternoon.

Former TA's Musings - 1

It was six years ago that I found myself in a small room on the 4th floor of a dark gray building on our university campus. With me, seated around the table, were a few other students, all of us undergoing the one hour mandatory TA prep class. Our instructor, a very old, librarian-type woman, with her hair in a bun (with a pin to boot) and sporting huge glasses, told us about cultural sensitivity, multimedia presentations and understanding marking schemes. Then came the issue of sexual harrassment.

"Yes, yes." I thought, bored. "See a pretty girl in your class. Remember you are the TA. Be good. Or get sued. Easy."

".. so in other words, this is how you can deal with if you are sexually harrassed," the instructor was saying.

Wait a minute, I thought. Someone is going to try and harrass me?

I actually said so. It was one of those times when my mouth has a mind of its own and goes motoring off before I can raise my hand and clamp it shut.

The instructor just peered at me, her glasses magnifying her eyes, and said "Well, sir, when you become an instructor you are in a position of power."

O-kay. I relegated that fact to the back of my mind. Although being an introvert, and raised in the middle east, by my second year of college I was the editor of the paper, president of the local chapter of Bangladesh Students Association, member of our intramural cricket team, and bonafide volunteer for the Co-op Students Association. I was sure I could handle, um, girls. However, it took ten minutes after my first class ended that I encountered the TPWs.

TPWs are Teacher's Pet Wannabes. They are usually of the feminine gender. They smile at the teacher at all times (even at 8 am morning classes), sit on the first row, and then follow the teacher to the office, where they engage in useless discussions of the mundane. One of them may throw a mandatory question of why I supercast an object in line 10 of the sample code, but that would be it for the hour. Their objective - the instructor should know their name (and their "friendly" nature) when grading the papers, and thus be lenient.

In university, the secret is that for most courses, the TAs grade the papers, not the professors. Thus in first week of classes, the TAs don't get the attention of TPWs; it's only after the first assignment that TPWs become aware of the TA. However, I was teaching Intro to Computer Science to a class of business students who were presumably smarter than the rest of the freshmen.

Ten minutes after my first class ended, I was sitting in the cafeteria along with a friend.

"There you are," Said the first of the TPWs. She was an extremely tall, svelte, Spanish girl [as an aside I don't know why the US has a problem with Latina immigration - just restrict the men and let the women come]. "I was wondering what your name meant. It's such an exotic name."

This, coming from a person whose name was Guiconda Anna Maria Lopez or something like that.

The next one was even more blunt.

"You teach really well." Said the Indian chick. "I was in the other tutorial and I could hardly follow the TA. Ebhen his accentt was baaaad."

"You should be the prof." This was after the second week, when I had announced assignments were due and I was going to mark them.

I taught two classes, each twice a week. Of the combined 60 or so students, only 9 were guys. 3 were a sign of Qiyamat (or in other words, I couldn't tell their gender). The rest - all girls. Ofcourse all the attention lasted only four weeks until I had returned two assignments, graded.

I actually got an email from the prof - "I was checking the marks from various tutorials and your marks are closest to what the average should be - which implies you are neither marking too harshly nor too leniently. Keep it up."

Ofcourse the TPWs didn't see it that way. However, I had a marking scheme and I followed it rigorously. "Cold fish," I imagine what one of them would call me behind my back.

Ultimately, what was most rewarding about my TAship for two years was not the money (though it was very, very good) but the fact that at the end of the term my professor called me up to the office.

She pointed at a bunch of papers.

"These are your class evaluations. This is how I decide which TA to hire. Look at yours."

They were anonymously filled, ofcourse, but I recognized some of the handwritings in the 'other comments' section.

Not one single bad comment. All of them were highly satisfied with my teaching. Most had ticked the 'excellent' box, some had even written 'should TA more courses'. Ultimately, the TPWs decided to hang on in my class, and recommend me, not because of my marks, but because of how I taught. And when I recall my TA days, as I now begin the process of applying for further studies and think of reapplying to be a TA again, the fact that I most enjoyed about TAing was the teaching, the challenge, and ultimately the fact that some of my former students still mantain contact with me.

Though, sadly, not Ms. Lopez.

Tags: TA Teaching

A Suggested Solution To Hudood

I was going to post something funny related to my recent vacation. For example when my cousin's friend, who was considering driving to Toronto, asked me the speed limit on Canadian highways I replied '120'. And the friend nearly went into a shock before I explained I meant 120 kilometers per hour, not miles per hour.

But then I opened my news reader to reconnect to the world, and the first item from South Asia read thus.

How Pakistan's rape reform ran aground
According to the country's independent Human Rights Commission, a woman is raped every two hours and gang-raped every eight hours in Pakistan. These figures are probably an under-estimation as many rapes are not reported.

Wow, for a supposedly "Islamic" nation, full of nang and namoos (honour and pride) there sure are a lot of horny perverts in Pakistan.

I have the solution to this dilemna, and since I am a nice guy I am going to share it with all.

The main problem is that the "Islamists" do not have a problem with punishing rapists, rather they have a problem letting a someone go unpunished when clearly extra-marital sex has taken place. So when a woman cries rape, but fails to prove her case, for punishment purposes she will do.

Never mind what the "Islamists" say about Sharia being unchangeable, Umar (r) increased punishment for drinking, Ali (r) changed some of Umar (r)'s laws and so on. Here's what I suggest:

When a woman W accuses a man M (who is not her husband) for raping her, immediately arrest man M. Believe the woman's words, and have her undergo a medical examination. If she was raped, she will have a sperm sample. Take it. Test it against M. If it matches, charge M with the rape and let W go.

Yes, it's the woman's word against the man, but you have medical examination to back W. If no medical proof is found, release M and charge the woman W with providing a false statement.

"But what about consensual sex?" You ask.

Well, it's Pakistan, so it's an Islamic country. They *cough*do not have*cough* consensual sex between an unmarried couple. This simple change has lots of benefits. To the west it tells them we value a woman's word (and by definition the woman). To an "Islamist" it a) prevents unmarried couples from having sex, b) punishes the rapist c) promotes marriage between couples, for if you are the man and you want to sleep with your girlfriend, better be damn sure she is not going to cry rape.

There's only one problem. Will the same courtesy be extended to boys who cry rape while attending "religious" schools?

Tags: Hudood

I (Heart) NYC?

Could it be - that I am being seduced by New York.

I came to New York, where my cousin and I fed off each other's stereotypes. He thought we Canadians were so peaceful, educated, cultured, we would find New York scary, shocking and would need to be held by hand. I assumed New York would be dirty, rude, unsafe, grimy, seedy - in short something out of a bad Max Payne scene.

The first day lived up to my stereotypes. As the rain fell hard, the subways reeked of urine, the characters that rode the subway with me appeared to be on drugs, I was fully aware that Toronto was my home.
However, now as it is nearly time for me to leave, I have to say I will miss New York. And most of what I miss of New York will be its spirit. This is a city that truly never sleeps, that is truly alive.

On Thursday I went for a walk in George Washington Memorial Park, then through the lively New York University campus. It was Thursday night, but already the crowd was out and they know how to party. I tried Yakiniku - a Japanese restaurant. They bring out the food and you can grill the meat at your own table.

On Friday I was out in Rockefeller Center, near the food concourse. I saw countless couples on dates. One day, iA, I am going to treat my date there. Its an expensive city - people are busy making money to spend money to give themselves an illusion of being happy - yet it feels so good.

I ended up treating myself to a fried chicken sandwich from the street vendor, an Egyptian gentleman who told me the lines at his stall would start around 11 pm. It was the best fried chicken sandwich I ever ate. And it was 3 bucks. That's one thing I am going to miss in Toronto - the food vendors. In Toronto, they are not allowed to sell anything but hot dogs. Here - there's an international variety.

Saturday my prayers were finally answered as the sun brilliantly shone - and I took full advantage, wearing out the soles of my shoes, getting full faida - value - of my $7 metro day pass, and filling up the space on my camera's digital card. The fact that I bought a day pass was a big motivator for me to see as much of NYC as possible - after all I paid the extra buck so being a desi I would have to extract as much of it as possible.

Another huge factor of New York was the subways. Toronto - clean, safe. Toronto - 2. New York - dirty, but well connected. Went from one end of the city to other in barely 40 minutes. Went all over New York with just the subways. No bus. New York - 10.

Tomorrow, I start for home, iA. I will miss New York, for sure. Toronto, however, will always be home. It is a city, where I can feel I am within my own. Little things, like not worrying about leaving my car on the street, or leaving a bag lying on the seat in the car and not worrying about whether the glass will be smashed. Like returning from the other end of the city at 1.30 am and not worrying about safety on the subway. Like waiting on the street at 2 am downtown and not caring about the guy walking nearby with a hood over his head. Toronto.

Tags: Toronto New York

"Blessings" In The Big Apple

I know in Islamic lore rain is supposed to be a blessing from Allah - but why did He have to "bless" New York with so much rain JUST when I come here? Whole morning - bloody rain. Tomorrow - more rain. Day after tomorrow - rain. Sunday - sunny. Sunday I leave.

Bloody stupid @#$!@$ rain.

*really pissed off at some missed photography opportunities in the morning*

Sometimes I think these ideas of blessings were made up by the people of the desert *blasphemy alert* Like when they praise the ice and snow - while people here in Canada are probably dreaming of sunny, clear sky days of the summer. For us, paradise is warm and sunny, not cold and snowy.

Then again, the evening today, when I had an indoor activity planned, the weather was great.

Blogging From The Big Apple

You know you are in New York when:

"What's your plans now?" My cousin asked me, as I freshened up after the 10 hour trip.

"I think I will head over to the subway station and grab a man." I said. "I want to see where the attractions are and how to get there."

"Um," My cousin bites her lip. "It's 9 pm."

"So?" I don't comprehend.

"I wouldn't recommend going to the subway after 9."

"Oh-"

You know you have reached New York when:

You see the first coloured face in 8 hours.

Indicator lights to change lanes are not obligatory, it appears.

Every other car is banged up.

I encounter my first Hispanic person in 8 years.

So far the people appear to speak English, but I am still in Jackson Heights. Already someone has tried to sell me an used phone card.

Yes, it's exactly as I remember.

Tags: New York

9/11 - Five Years Ago

The world changed for everyone five years ago. Half a decade has passed, yet I still remember in vivid details the account of events on that miserable day.

I had just finished teaching a class of Introductory Programming, and was on my way to meet my professor, and then head to work, when a student ran up to me, breathless.

"Have you heard the news?"

I could not believe what I was hearing. Frantically I ran to the TA's office and logged on to CNN's website.

It was down. I tried BBC. Down as well. It was at that moment when someone informed me the students council had set up a TV in the Meeting Place. I rushed down the stairs, along with half the students, some still groggy due to the early morning hours. The TV was set to CNN.

The hushed voices witnessing the carnage on screen gave way to huge audible gasps as the World Trade Centre towers started to collapse. It was at the moment I realized that my cousin's husband worked in one of the towers.

I called home, where my folks having heard the news were desperately calling New York. We had lots of friends in New York. Some we could get in touch with, others we couldn't. Busy signals only added to the worry.

All day long we were in shock. During lunch break, I remember going for a walk. For the first time since coming to Canada, I felt like an outsider. The looks, the sharp intake when we approached, the sniggers, all came to the surface. I kept checking for the familiar site of the CN tower every few minutes, praying that nothing touched my city. For the first time as I rode the subway home I was on tenderhooks, waiting for some racist skinhead to jump at me with a knife. My sister wears hijab, so I was in frequent contact with her. On reaching home, we got word from our cousin that her husband was safe - he was on his way to work when the second plane had struck.

In the days that followed I remember vaguely the state of fear and paranoa we all seemed to be under. Anthrax attacks, shutdowns of the parliament, emergency meetings, security certificates, and finally - war.

Lest we forget, nearly three thousand innocents lost their lives on that day, innocents who need not have died but whose sole crime was reporting for work. They included a Bangladeshi couple. From Rezwan's blog:

Nurul Haq Miah and Shakila Yasmin was a Bangladeshi Muslim couple who used to work in the world trade center and was among the unfortunate ones. Nurul was in the 99th floor, attending a meeting when the 1st plane hit their office. Nurul used to work for Marsh & McLennan for about 15 years. Shakila's office was located in the 97th floor, just below. Shakila just started about one year ago six months after they got married on April 2, 2000 [more info].

USA honored them this year by renaming the southeast corner of the 3rd Avenue and Ovington Avenue of Ney York after Shakila Yasmin and Nurul Haque Miah, two Bangladeshi victims of the 9/11.

They could have been your friends, relatives or neighbours.

On that day, we were all Americans. Since that day, we have had Bali, Riyadh, Madrid, London, Egypt, Jordan, Bangladesh, India, Pakistan, Syria, Lebanon, Iraq (on going) and so on. Most of the victims of terrorism since that day had been Muslims. I hope the world is successful in destroying the scourge that is terrorism. That would be ideal way to honour the victims.

The Mean One And The Clerk

I entered the mall, USB key in hand, and made my way to the photography store. An email received late last night, alerting me to the special for developing digital pictures at a reduced rate, meant staying up an hour late to copy over 250 pictures to my USB drive.

As I entered the store, my heart sank as I cast my eyes at the kiosks. There's people at every single one of those machines. There's only one machine that accepts USB keys, and there was a woman ahead of me, henceforth to be referred to as the Mean One. She too was waiting for the machine to be free.

Suddenly, two machines became free. One was our machine. The other was to my right, with no one in line. Seeing the Mean One take out an SD memory card, I asked her, "Excuse me, if you don't mind, I see that you have an SD card. The machine to my right takes that card, but not my USB key, which only this machine does. Can I trouble you to move to that machine please?"

Each person at a machine takes a minimum of half an hour as they browse through each of their pictures, pausing to edit color, contrast, etc. I did not want to wait needlessly.

"NO!"

"I am sorry?" *shock* She must not have got the memo about Canadians being polite. Besides, they are the same machine, except for one bloody memory slot.

"I was here first and I have the right to use this machine. Too bad for you."

So saying, the Mean One inserted her card into the machine.

My active imagination had by this time already designed three different ways to run her over with a monster truck, but I said nothing. She was just a rude person, that's all. At that moment the store clerk approached us.

"I am sorry, I have to boot this machine." He told the Mean One.

"What? I just uploaded my damn pictures."

"I am sorry." The clerk replied, unflustered. "This machine needs to be rebooted. You can go to the next machine."

Muttering something under her breath, the Mean One ejected her card and moved to the next machine, where she reinserted it and began to upload her pictures. I waited for the clerk to boot the machine. He turned to me.

"You know what? I don't think I need to boot this kiosk after all."

Saying this, he turned back and walked towards his post, but not before I saw a hint of a wink from him.

Well, what can I say. Sometimes good guys do finish earlier after all. I started to upload the pictures, as the Mean One continued to give me the look.

It pays to be a regular customer.

Tags: Toronto Rude People

African Lion Safari

Finally we managed to go for the African Lion Safari in Cambridge, Ontario. All summer we had been meaning to go, but various last minute changes entailed delaying the trip continuously.

For a safari that calls itself the Lion safari, the lions were pretty tame. In fact, most of them were sleeping when we started our drive through the reserve.


Sleeping Beasts

I was hesitant to take my car into the reserves, preferring to take the trip by the Safari bus, but was glad I did. Everyone warned me about the baboons causing damage to your car, but once you are in your car, you can stop to look, take pictures and so on (just don't get out!).


Tarzan's Best Friends


Adnan Sami Of The Baboon World

Thankfully the monkeys didn't get on our car. This next guy however scared me. The tinted glasses were causing pictures to come out dark, and he was a distance away ...


Dear Deer

... so I decided to lower the window slightly, and forgot I had 'auto-down' feature. One touch of the button and window started to slide down fast, and the deer got interested ...


Oh Deer

Thankfully I got my senses back in time to roll the window up and he went away.

There were lots of other stuff to see at the Safari, including the Birds of Prey show, the Elephant show where one big guy apparently did the bhangra ...


Hati Singh

... a parrot that sang O Canada and ofcourse a small petting zoo. The full slideshow is on Flickr.

A few thoughts:

Someone did tell me if you urinate on your car's hood the monkeys won't bother you. I did not try this. If you do, please let me know if it worked.

Tinted glasses have drawbacks for photography, as well as dirty windows. Clear your windows and windshields prior to trip for excellent pictures.

The park's popular amongst desis. You should have seen the Indian crowds cheer at the elephant show.

Tags: African Lion Safari

Lage Raho Munnabhai Rocks!

This is the most delightful movie I have seen in a while! After all the emotional melodramas and action throughout the summer, it felt great to sit for 3 hours with a smile on your face all the while, and a few laughs here and there. The comedy works, the casting works, the songs work, the script works ... Go watch it already!


*drool*


These guys had their fans too!

PS. Hard to believe, but someone attended the movie just because of Sanjay Dutt.

PS2. To those guys who took their dates to see Crank, what the hell were you thinking?

PS2. Did anyone catch the trailor (and the song Ye Mera Dil) of Don? Kareena sizzles!




Tags: Lage Raho Munnabhai

They Are From Venus

At the risk of offending the (few) female readers of this blog, I am in the mood today to spout some vitriol. You have been warned! Stay back!

Things That Girls Do (And Guys Will Never Do):

1. Kiss each other hello. Or goodbye. If two girls know each other for a while, they will do this. The really close friends will kiss when they meet and kiss again when they part. Sometimes, the girls don't even really kiss. The lips and the cheeks move close to each other, they make the kissing motion and sound in the air and then draw away. Kind of a teaser trailer. C'mon, if you gotta kiss, kiss already!

Somehow I just don't see guys doing it. Arabs in thobes used to do it in the middle east but they would kiss the nose (they would even hold hands in the market place), but not here. No way are you catching me kissing a guy friend hello. Guys would normally grunt each other's existence with a 'wassup'.

2. Go to the washroom together.

You are in a group. Suddenly girl 1 says 'I have to use the ladies' room.' Girl 2 suddenly says, 'wait! I will go with you'. And suddenly it's just the guys left behind.

The only time guys go to the washroom together is when I organize outings. Since I am a compulsive planner, I will say (let's say we went to Wonderland), 'OK, we have 10 minutes per ride before the crowds get bigger and lunch is scheduled at 2, so right now we have 5 minutes to go to the washrooms. Next washroom break is scheduled in 1.5 hrs. You gotta go, go now!"

3. Dismiss their cars as 'this old thing'.

To guys, our cars are our alter egos. They are our best friends. If it's a new car, we talk about its horsepower and the deal we got on it. I have yet to meet a guy who did not get a deal on his car. If it's an old car, we talk about it's wonderful gas mileage or the ever surprisingly-still-functioning air conditioning. We never, NEVER, dismiss our cars as 'oh this? This old thing! Yeah, it gets me around.'

I even knew a girl who got a Nissan 350Z and wanted it automatic. Who drives a sports car with automatic. She even put a cute-(there's that word again)-looking sleepy Winnie the Pooh bear on the back window. Somewhere the soul of the 350Z must have died.

4. Use the expression 'it's soooo cute!'.

Girls do it. They see a puppy with drool running over the side of its face and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. They see a baby in a stroller and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. Well, duh. Last time I checked all babies were cute. We guys are smart. We don't have to say it. We know.

Sure, a guy will say ''it's soooo cute!'. But that's only in the company of girls, just to earn brownie points with ulterior end motives. In the company of guys only, we might go as far as to say 'oh it's cute'. It's the word 'soooo' in front of the word 'cute' and the exclamation mark at the end that makes the expression 'it's soooo cute!' a girl-exclusive statement.

Tags: Guys Girls

Blog Day

Today is Blog Day.

31/08 = 3 1 o ₈ = Blog

Here's five of the many blogs that I frequently read, presented in no order whatsoever:

It's My Life, maintained by Aisha. She talks about various events in her life as well as raising interesting discussions on diverse issues.

Isheeta's dating/life experiences. She is a good writer and a Muslim chick to boot.

Abu Sinan on Muslim/Arab issues and his two kids.

Koonj, written by Shabana. An excellent read. I like the way she titles her posts.

Lightness of Being, a blog containing short stories and thoughts by Maliha.

Tags: Blog Day

List of GTA Bengali Bloggers

On her blog the other day, Nowal asked me if I knew of any other Bengali bloggers in and around the Greater Toronto Area (the Center Of The Universe). I thought it would be a nice time to introduce some of the blog talent that I know of. Here, in no particular order, are a few Bengali-Canadian blogs. A few I know personally, others through their blogs.

First up, we have Akankhito. She is from the Toronto area and is a talented musician, trained in the sitar and the like. Has a great voice too.

Next we have Nowal of Baby Brown Tales. She is from K-town, as she calls Kingston (I would make the honourary Toronto diss about Kingston but the blogger is a nice lady so I won't).

Up next is the Bengali Fob. She keeps her identity secret, but did promise to laugh secretly if she ever ran into other bloggers at a party. It's always good to make girls laugh. Unless they are laughing at you, ofcourse.

Next up is Tasnuva of A Sunshine Two Brief. She was formerly of Hamilton formerly of Toronto and presently headed towards Vancouver. She is most famous for her Samosa for the Arranged Souls posts (for links visit her site).

Following on, we have S, who suffered from a toothache recently. My condolences. We also have the self-described 'antisocial hermit' at Insert Clever Title Here.

Turning to guys, we do have Arnab at A wave of Alternative Mandate. He was a fellow Libblogger who unfortunately hasn't updated his web page since June 10. Perhaps an Argentina supporter, still in shock?

If you are a GTA (or even Canadian) blogger of Bengali origin, and you do maintain a blog, comment below and I will update the post. As a reminder, Blog Day is coming up shortly. Here's my Blog Day post from last year, and I plan to do a similar one this year.


Tags: Bengali Canadian GTA Bloggers

August Be Gone

August is always a depressing month for me.

I hate the fact that the summer is over. I hate the fact that everyone is going back to school, and even though they hate admitting it, they are looking forward to a change, a new beginning. I hate the fact I did not do much fishing this summer.

I ran into some desi guy on the tennis grounds a couple of weeks back. After Saturday's game a bunch of us went over to his place for some BBQ chicken and drinks (the non-alcoholic type). He was older, 33, and lived by himself. As I looked over at his various degrees framed on the wall of his study (he actually had a 'study room'), one thing struck me as I glanced over the MBA, the BBA, the BSc and the Project Management Certifications.

He was 33.

And single.

And the highlight of his day was tennis with a bunch of younger guys.

Yes, he was educated. Yes, he was making the big money, driving a BMW. But I did not want to be that guy. I could be him, that was depressing. But I would not want to be.

Rarely have I paused and taken stock of where I was heading. This was a sharp wakeup call. I have become used to coasting through the days.

The other thing that struck me over the weekend was one word. Family.

I know for me, family is paramount. These are people I take for granted, drop all pretense and they accept me for what I am. Even with close friends, if there are fights, disagreements or clashes, they can drift apart. Family is family. For me, family comes first.

How important is family in marriage? I have a few friends who married into families that were drastically different from their own. Some marriages have succeeded. Others have failed, or on the verge of failing. One thing I have noticed - if the families are too different (for example a conservative/modern clash, or rich/poor clash, or cultured/fobby) then the marriage has a (far) better chance of succeeding as long as the couple live by themselves.

That was the case with a friend of mine whose husband came from a far richer family. She had to live with the 'friendly' taunts, until she decided enough was enough and coaxed her husband to accept a job in a far away city. Their marriage is now far stronger and happy.

Growing up in a culture that has touted the values of arranged marriage with joint families, where family members strengthen each other through difficult times, this was indeed a troubling find.

Yet, there is no denying the fact that marriages are more often likely to succeed if the families are of similar stature, education or 'mindset' - the magic word. Does that mean that we throw out all those filmi stuff - such as love, honour and respect, along with all the religious stuff about moral values and religion being supreme, out of the window? Do people 'fall in love' anymore, or is it just a business? Tick some questions, answer some forms, and 'adjust'?

Looking forward to some answers. Cynicism, here I come.

Meanwhile, September, please be good.

Stop (Just) Reading The Quran

Another Ramadan is almost upon us (a month away). I have decided I am not going to strictly gun for a Quran Khatam any more.

Every Ramadan, I (and countless others in the world) will finish the Quran from Al Fatiha to An-Nas. If you were religious like my grandpa, finish it thrice. Maybe even more.

So last Ramadan, I was reading the Quran. I had been lazy during the first few days, so was catching up. All of a sudden, I just felt so frustrated. The words, the beautiful words, were not making any sense.

You see, I don't speak Arabic. People ask me why after having lived in the Middle East for 18 years I cannot speak Arabic. I tell them I can speak just enough to call a taxi but the thing is, you didn't need Arabic as a school kid. My Arabic classes were a joke (it's actually good blog fodder [word courtesy:Isheeta] but for another day). Most of the Arabic words I knew were swear words (courtesy my Arab 'friends' - the 'polite' words were to the tune of qalb, himmar ...).

So I am reading the Quran - I am just regurgitating the words. They make no sense to me. The Quran is a beautiful book - just listen to a good recitation and you will fall in love with the enchanting verses even if you don't know the meaning - but I have decided it has to make sense to me.

I told this to an uncle and he was like 'why? The Prophet said reading the Quran is reward itself'. I told him the Prophet was dealing with Arabs at first. Even then, when they didn't follow something, they would go to someone who did, right? Besides, the first page of the Quran tells you man is Khalifa or God's deputy on earth. How can we deputize for Someone if we don't understand what He told us? So last Ramadan, I decided come the next time, I am going to read the Quran with translation. It will go slow, so I might not finish the Book.

You would think this would be the sensible thing to do. I mean, it's not like I decided I am going to pray in Bengali from today.

But no - every friggin person is like -no way, you gotta finish the Book. It's not even an act of worship anymore - it's a ritual. For some people it has even become a badge of honour. 'I have finished it two times' 'oh really, my son just did his third khatam this week' and so on.

Well, here is another Ramadan. Once it starts, I decided the focus will not be so much as to finish the Book but to understand it. Atleast the first one-third. I have already discovered a word-for-word translation of Quran at emuslim.com. After all, can't let the Saudis have the all the fun of being the 'interpreters' of the Book, eh? They sure made a mess of it so far.

A sign I once saw at a mosque made perfect sense. It read:

STOP READING THE QURAN ...

... like a parrot.
Read it with meaning at [name of institution here]

Tags: Quran

The F Word

I was on the bus, on my way back from work. As I stood clutching the handrail, keeping my eyes sharp for any seated passenger making a motion to get up (and thus provide me a seat), one guy standing next to me took out his cellphone, punched a number in and started to talk.

Well, jovial yell would be more like it. What is it with people on buses on their cellphones? Do they think the guy on the other end has developed a sudden temporary hard-of-hearing disease?

However, rather than his volume, it was his conversation that was most interesting.

"Dude, it was f***ing awesome. We went to the f***ing place at f***ing 7 and it was f***ing packed!. The f***ing parking was near f***ing full. We had to f***ing on the f***ing roof. Ya man! But I tell you - the f***ing concert? F***ing awesome!"

I gather he was talking about some concert he had attended recently. But what's with the f-word?

Listening to this guy go on, using the f-word in between every other word, I got giddy. This guy took swearing to an art form.

The f-word as a verb 'I don't give a f*** to what she thought!', adverb 'that is so unf***ing believable!' to an interjection (I had to look that up) 'F***! That was my stop!'

He got my award for using the f-word in as many versatile ways in one conversation as possible. I just have one question for these types of guys though.

Why do you f***ing do it? Do you think it makes you more macho? Do you think it makes you more attractive to women [if your taste is drunk gothic biker chicks I can understand]? Or, do you think it makes you more 'Canadian'?

'Coz when South Asian guys do it [that's right, the guy was brown] it just looks wrong.

Tags: Swearing

It Is A Matter Of Honour

It is a matter of honour.

Rarely does the materialistic world of the today understand what honour and pride means to those who originally hail from the east. Our intent to 'save face' at all costs has governed our behaviour and psyche for the last few millennia and it will not change. We have at times behaved irrationally, but yesterday's protest by the Pakistan cricket team and captain Inzamam was on the money. Had I been in Inzamam's shoes, I would have done the same.

To those who missed the action, here is what happened.

Around the 56^th over of England's innings, umpire Darrell Hair of Australia accused the Pakistan team of tampering the ball [1435 BST]. Without any warning, he ordered the ball changed, and awarded 5 penalty runs to England. This was tantamount to accusing Pakistan of cheating, without giving them an option to appeal or present their case. Inzamam was furious, but the game continued - for a while.

During tea-break, commentators Nasser Hussain [source: Guardian] exclaimed that had he been in Inzamam's shoes, he would refuse to come out to resume the game in protest. And lo and behold, that's what transpired to occur.

Pakistan refused to take the field and chaos ensued. Botham and Hussain backed the visiting team's sit-in. Rameez Raja was furious at the umpire, and rightly so. None of the 26 cameras that Sky TV had trained on the ground showed any evidence to support the umpire. You cannot scratch an itch on the cricket ground without it being captured on some camera, so it is highly suspicious someone could lift the seam off the ball or scruff it up without being caught.

As the game descended into anarchy, what happened next is a matter of conjecture, but it appears that Hair subsequently behaved rudely in the Pakistan dressing room, and acted prematurely to conclude the match was forfeited. Even when the Pakistan team mollified their original stance and were ready to resume play, the umpires didn't take to the field. This was not the first time Hair had been involved with Asian teams [bbc], being accused of bias [cricinfo].

Now everyone from former cricketers [rashid, imran] to the media to the President of Pakistan has become involved.

Then we have people like Agnew suggesting other ways to protest [bbc]. He says 'to issue a strong denial at tea time, in which they also promised to appeal, and get on with the game'. I say bollocks.

At the end of the day, the official conducting the game accuses you of cheating. Do you still continue to play? No, you don't if you are a man. It is a matter of honour.

"This game is about more than winning and losing. It's about respect and countries come first. If someone says to me you are a cheat and Pakistan is doing wrong things, my first priority is to my country." [Inzamam]

What is Pakistan was guilty? If it turns out in the end a player was guilty and the captain, honestly believing his player's words, risked his career and the match for a liar and a cheat, I pity the poor fool. He will not be able to live in Pakistan.

Tags: Pakistan Cricket Darrell Hair

The Car That Wasn't

Went to play soccer and managed to twist my knee awkwardly. Now cannot go to the gym or play soccer for two weeks. Sucks - just like some character in a recent movie I saw.

The guy at work who's responsible for all our million dollar equipment and hardware (I am more of the software guy) went to Jamaica on vacation. Before he left, he went over all the various server, network and database configurations with me.

"Has any of this ever failed?" I asked him tentatively, as I took in all this megachunk of information.

"Well, ma'an!" He shrugged dismissively, "we've been running these for years and nothing's failed."

You know what's coming, don't you?

I had a list of scenarios with me. If this fails, do this. If that fails do that. Then he had outlined what he called the "Worst Case Scenario". This, he claimed, would NEVER occur.

Well, the first day some glitch occured and I had to reboot one server. This produced a groan from the tech guys. Apparently the server had been running continuously for 5 years 3 months and 21 days. Apparently, that is important.

The second day I got to work the "Worst Case Scenario" nearly occured. I would badger that Tueday was my most religious day at work, ever. I don't think anyone has ever programmed a configuration file in hex to the sound of 'Bismillah' before. Thankfully it worked. One more day.

To take my mind off the computer glitches I went to Kensington Market. There, right in the back of the market, was this.




It seemed to grow weeds - and I don't mean the one you pull out of your lawn. Given that this was Kensington Market I wouldn't be surprised.




I asked one of the guys nearby and he said they take old cars and turn then into nurseries, after emptying it of parts that can be sold to the junkyard.




I think I know what I can do with some old servers from work ...

Why KANK Is Scary For Marriage

I continue my KANK hangover. This post may contain spoilers, the previous post didn't.


"KANK has messed up a lot of people man."

"When I get married, I am going to implant a GPS locator in my wife's body ..."

"This movie is so retarded. Why would anyone not like Aby baby?" [this from a girl, ofcourse]

Even after a couple of days from watching the movie, people are still discussing the topic of infidelity brought up by the movie. This movie is so scary in many ways.

I can empathise with Abhishek. For example that I could imagine myself to be a sweet romantic who will not hesitate to decorate a room with flowers to just surprise his wife. OK, maybe not that much flowers but I did watch a lot of Hindi movies. Atleast I am willing to try.

And then along comes a Shah Rukh Khan. Bitter, angry at the world and rude to his acquaintances. And suddenly, that is more than enough than diamonds and flowers. And love. Something about bad boys.

Then again, I can also see myself through Shah Rukh's eyes. As the typical desi dude, you grow up with 'family first' as your mantra. You make compromises in your dreams and ambitions for the sake of your family. You give up dreams of shacking it up with a gorgeous ex-supermodel to live life blissfully in an arranged marriage to a 'good' girl chosen by - who else - your family. And then, after a life full of adjustments, you meet a Rani. She is incapable of bearing a child, has numerous flaws, and yet, she captivates you. Do you break?

What about Preity? Girls are taught nowadays to be independent, to graduate from universities and hold a job, for then their husbands cannot abuse them as they are not financially dependent on them. Then, once they get married, should they tone down their ambitions? Desi guys, for all their open mindedness, still like their wives to greet them with a cup of tea when they come home [by the way I take two spoons of sugar, thank you].

Preity's character could easily belong to a guy who works hard to improve his life and give his wife the riches that she longs for - but when he can buy the luxuries his wife has grown distant as he wasn't there for her when she wanted just him.

I could dismiss the movie if I did not see examples of the characters in real life. Most marriages I see are happy, long term marriages. Yet, some marriages I know are facades. The couple seem happy, but it's a compromise. They have shut down their dreams, accepted the cards fate dealt them and kept all their emotions and broken ambitions bottled inside. The question is, for how long? There are marriages that have broken apart or where the couple are just living out their empty existence.

One line from KANK was telling. When Rani asks SRK about finding love after marriage - SRK replies "if you don't look for it, you won't find it." Is this true? Or is what Amitabh tells you that is true - "You never know when love or death will come for you."

What about the movie in light of Islamic practices?

For example, a religiously oriented dude I know (who still saw the movie) told me it cannot happen if you follow religion properly. For example, SRK and Rani would never have gotten close had they not met up regularly. You just don't meet up with another man's wife on a regular basis without her husband being present. Moreover, as a wife (Preity) you are supposed to take care of your family and put family first. As a husband (SRK) you are supposed to not be jealous of your wife's success, to spend time with your family and behave in a polite manner to your kids. As a wife (Rani) you are not to refuse your husband in bed.

The problem is - no one follows these laws religiously. Life is a compromise. You have to deal with other women. You have to meet with other men. You have to be able to know how to deal with them. You do get cranky, you may need to sacrifice time with family for more money as you have other financial obligations. You will get jealous if your wife earns more than you.

Moreover, all comparisons fall apart with Abhishek. He followed all the rules. He loved his wife, was willing to spend money and time on her and did not dwell on her flaws. And yet, he was the loser. So can one blame Rani for all the subsequent actions of everyone?

I guess in the end, life will always be full of temptations. You are not to curb them but control them. The question is - you need to find the other half that is willing to do the same. Otherwise, Sometimes Alvida Kehna.

Tags: Bollywood Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

No spoilers (beyond what you should already know).

I saw Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (KANK) over the weekend. A quick verdict would be - good (4 out of 5). You should go see it - but not with your family - which is not typical for a Karan Johar movie. I don't even know if it's a date movie. Incredulous though it sounds, this could be a good guy movie minus the action. The film raises certain bold and controversial issues. Definitely avoid the movie as a peace offering to your wife if you two had a fight.

Yes, it's a Bollywood movie. There will be nonsense things (such as the NEW YORK station being empty of people except for our actors).

The lineups were huge. One of us went to buy our tickets at 10 in the morning for the 6.30 show. When we arrived for the show (at 5.30 @ Albion) most of the theatre was full. The whole day was sold out.

The last film that I saw which broke away from tradition was Salaam Namaste, which dealt with premarital sex and children out of wedlock. KANK looks at an adulterous extra-marital affair. It is also scary. Most girls would (I guess) love the attention and gifts showered by this dude:




Yet, just not his wife. And Rani made it feel so natural too.

This is not Shah Rukh Khan's best work. He hams a lot.

Priety Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan acted very, very well.

It has become fashionable amongst certain circles to scoff at any Bollywood movie, especially big ones. While that may work for a piece of trash such as Veer Zara, it does not hold water for KANK. It's a difficult, scary, funny and examining movie.

If you are into amateur photography, the cinematography will blow you away. The song "Tumhi Dekhona" was outstanding.


SRK and Rani in a sleek orange sari complementing the colours of the fall behind them.

On the whole, don't go with your family. Go with your friends. Don't wait for the DVD. Buy your tickets early.

Tags: Bollywood Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

The "I Am Canadian" Lady

Yesterday at a tech conference I 'met' this lady. It was break time (in between speakers) and I grabbed a light snack from the cafeteria and sat down at a table. The place soon grew busy, and before long, someone approached my table, pointed to the empty chair opposite mine and asked, "Is this taken?"

I said "No" and looked up. She was a South Asian lady, quite older, clutching a few tech magazines in one hand and a muffin in the other. She mouthed 'thanks' and sat down. I went back to my sandwich.

"Are you Indian?" The relative silence of the table was suddenly broken.

"Bangladeshi", I replied.

"Oh I thought so," She gushed in Bengali. "I am from Bangladesh too! Hi!"

"Um, Hi." I politely replied to her in between mouthfuls. Atleast she wasn't going to start breastfeeding a toddler any time soon. Suddenly, she asked me what I thought about the last speaker.

"He was good," I answered, "though honestly I found his accent a bit too hard to follow."

"That's the problem with this country." She announced suddenly. "Too much diversity."

"I beg your pardon?" [yes I really said those words]

She continued, "This country's major problem is multiculturalism. You see, we have too much people here from too many places in the world. There's no Canada anymore, it's time we recognize multiculturalism is a dirty word. What is Canadian culture is now being demoted. What is a Canadian dress? What is Canadian cruisine?"

Oh boy. A brown female skinhead.

"When I came to this country in 1980," she continued, "you could count the number of immigrants on one hand. Now you can smell curry from across the street! The immigrants are taking over."

I told her, politely, that I disagree and wanted to finish my meal. She wasn't deterred.

"You see, if a black person wants to open a Black Cultural Association in a college he is welcome to do so. If a white person wants to open a White Students Association he will be termed a racist. The college won't allow him to do so."

I told her it depended on the person's intentions - besides there is a thing in North America called 'black culture' but there is no unified 'white culture' - white people came from many cultures - but she was not to be denied.

"I even wrote an essay on this." She told me. Oh great - I began to feel really pissed off - all I wanted was to eat my over-priced-tuna-coz-all-else-was-bacon sandwich in peace. And then I allow someone to sit at my table. Someone who is probably here in Canada due to multiculturalism denouncing that fact. And now she was giving me the url of where I could find her 'essay'.

"We should all promote Canadian culture. We shouldn't celebrate different clothes that people wear as if it's a good thing. If the school wants to stop me from wearing a turban or a hijab what's the harm. I am in Canada. Let's be Canadian."

I have heard enough.

"Maybe," I quietly replied, "being Canadian means being multicultural. When we celebrate multiculturalism, we celebrate being Canadian. When we are tolerant of other cultures, it's because tolerance is a Canadian value. And when we allow the person the freedom to wear a turban or a hijab, and the freedom not to, it's because that freedom is part of being a Canadian."

I finished my sandwich in silence.

Tags: Multiculturalism