Kabir Singh - Is Misogyny the Big Problem, or the Fact it's so Popular?

What if I told you Hollywood just made a movie portraying the main protagonist as a racist man who kills minorities for fun and glorifies his act? Would you be aghast that such a movie was made? Or would you even be more alarmed if this movie actually becomes a blockbuster hit?

The movie Kabir Singh sweeping across India (and Canada), and running to packed houses worldwide is the latest blockbuster from Bollywood. According to Indian film-trade analyst Taran Adarsh, the film will “cruise past" the two-billion-rupee mark ($38-million) on its 13th day in cinemas, putting it on track to become “the highest-grossing Hindi film of 2019.” Mr. Adarsh also pointed out on Twitter that Kabir Singh pulled in 175 million rupees "on a working day [Monday]. Most biggies don’t collect that on a [Sunday].”

Those numbers are just for the business it did in India. Kabir Singh has been playing to packed houses in Canada, too. By July 2, the film had collected US$1.72-million in North America, with almost US$600,000 coming from 14 Canadian theatres, according to Weekend Cinema USA, the film’s distributor. On a Tuesday evening in its second week, a 250-seat theatre at Cineplex Yonge-Dundas in Toronto was almost packed, save for the front-row seats. The audience was primarily young South Asian-Canadians, many of whom seemed to be on a date. (Source: Globe and Mail)

Here's some reasons why the film has attracted so much (negative) criticism:

• Kabir Singh, the protagonist, is a medical student with anger issues who often reacts to situations with violence.
• A raging alcoholic and sex fiend, he catches his neighbour admiring his buff body, strides over to her room and almost rapes her at knifepoint.
• He mercilessly hits a student from another college during a football match and claims it to be an act of pride for his college. This is celebrated in the movie.
• He has to have a drink before surgery. His colleagues all cover for him and clean up his mess.
• Women in the movie are treated as "property". He "claims" Preety - his soon to be girl friend, and tells other boys to tease other women and not her, because she is his. All this before Preety even utters a word. This is shown as desirable macho behaviour.
• When his girlfriend displeases him, he slaps her.

Now this is just a small list - there's plenty more in the movie. The (main) problem is not that such a movie was made. Bollywood is known for making misogynistic movies where lecherous and stalking behaviour are portrayed as courting and romantic. Though you could argue this is cinematic liberty of portraying the story of an abusive relationship.

But Kabir Singh is not just a portrayal of a brash and badly behaved man. It also plots the story in such a way that every other major character adjusts for and accepts Singh's flaws and even forgives him. In the end, he emerges a winner and the heroine returns to him. Moreover, his mannerisms and acts are celebrated in the movie.

To me, all of this is troubling, but not troubling enough. The main problem is this - Kabir Singh is now the highest grossing Bollywood movie of 2019.

To me, in this age of secularism and so-called liberal progressive values, if you believe in absolute freedom of speech, then you cannot deny the filmmaker the right to make such movies. Even if he defends beating your girlfriend. It is his right to say what he wants to say.

But it is YOUR right not to support him with your $. Let's face it, if no one went to watch such movies, then such movies would not be made. I chose not to go see Padmavat and Kalank, because I believed they were anti-Muslim movies, or movies that portrayed Muslims in a bad light. I did not want to give such movies my hard earned money. These two were big hits in Modi's Hindutva loving India, so no surprise there.

But Kabir Singh? A movie that celebrates toxic masculinity, beating your loved ones, random acts of violence, rape threats and misogyny - the biggest hit of the year? What it shows perhaps is a sad reflection of Indian society as a whole.

And before we in the West laugh at it, go back to my first paragraph. American Sniper, a movie that played fast and loose with facts about an illegal Iraq War that has taken the lives of more than a million people, was one of the biggest hits of 2014. 

Hardik Pandya and Rahul - Hypocritical to Blame Them Only

I hardly ever don't watch Indian Television. I find it full of crap, and the shows that are supposed to be comedy are anything but. I do however follow cricket. So recently I read about how two cricketers went on Koffee With Karan and the Twitter verse erupted on how sexist , misogynist and racist these men all were.

You can read about it on Buzzfeed, News18, and Bollywood Hungama, amongst others. Now, interestingly at first Buzzfeed actually published an article on how hilarious, vibrant and open the interview was. However, since the Indian feminist Twitterverse started to rant about the episode, Buzzfeed suddenly decided to be "woke" and criticize the episode as well.

Here is where I find the whole ranting of the Indian viewers hypocritical, especially the feminists (yes, I have no love lost for them).

1. The guys talked about sex and women as if they were conquests.

Well, blow me down with a feather! If Pandya and Rahul were "conquering" women, what were those women doing? These ladies followed the cricketers around, and if they slept with them, proudly bragged about the sex to their friends.

"I slept with that cricketer!"

If you have to blame one side for sleeping around, what about the other side? Why do women get a pass for being sluts? It is a hypocritical attitude.

I am not defending the guys. I find this culture of one night stands and just sex for the sake of pleasure without any strings attached abhorrent. Yet it has become the culture of the day. If so, why blame only the guys. The women weren't forced to do anything, so why should they get a pass?

2. Pandya was called a creep for watching women "move" in the clubs.

Now, once again, the double standards. You are at a club. Men are watching women. Women are watching men. And I guess some men are watching men and women are watching women. Yet only one of these is offensive. Why?

Once again we ignore the materialistic, YOLO, pleasure seeking culture of the modern youth and focus on "wokeness" where a man should never admit he is checking out a woman.

3. Pandya was also called out for appropriating black culture.

Now I am never one who agreed into this "appropriating" bullshit, be it Halloween costumes or otherwise. If Kim Kardashian wants to put on a Princess Jasmine costume, I don't see it as an affront to Arab and Islamic culture or appropriating what have you.

This is what Pandya said.

"I like to watch and observe how they (women) move. I'm little from the black side so I need to see how they move."

Now if you were to ask an average person three things they know about Black culture, they will tell you hip hop, booty shaking women in said hip hop videos, and basketball. Some may add a gangster culture. bling or low slung jeans.

So my question is, if it's offensive to identify "black culture" with "women moving", then perhaps rethink that whole booty shaking women in music videos? Pretty much it seems that's all that is glorified in black culture music. Or stop referring to themselves as "from the hood".

The articles (and the Twitterverse) are long and there are many more issues. However I have no patience to go through ALL of them. Suffice it to say that it takes two to tango, and if you find these cricketers' behaviour uncouth, unbecoming of a gentleman, and a bit like a 'fratboy', remember there's women who are going along with them specifically because of this. Criticize them too, and you have a point.

Otherwise, take a chill pill.

Shopping with my toddler son

I am at Walmart with my two-and-half-year old son when he picks up a Thomas toy.

Me: Please put it back. I am not paying for it.

Son: Why?

Me: You already have a lot of Thomas toys.

Son: What if I pay for it?

Me [laughing]: How will you pay for it? You have no money!

Son: I have mommy!

PK The Movie, Religion and Islam

This blog post will discuss the Bollywood movie PK and the religious points it raises. Spoiler alert: while I do not give out the plot details, if you are going to see the movie and haven't yet, do not read any further - come back after you have seen the movie.

The Aamir Khan starrer Bollywood movie PK [trailer] has grossed Rs 500 crore worldwide, and inching towards Rs 600 crore. There are indications it may even cross $100 million worldwide - it is already on its way to become the most successful Bollywood movie of all time. There are now violent Hindu protests in India against the movie, despite its popularity.

I watched PK last night. Someone I met at a party told me, "Oh, this movie is against Hinduism. We Muslims can watch it, no problem." After watching the movie, I can say that it's a very well made, intelligent, and entertaining movie. If there is one actor whose movies are consistently a bar above the rest, it's Aamir Khan.

PK also raises certain points against religion, and this is what I want to discuss. Even though the main villain of the movie is a Hindu godman, the target of the movie seems to be organized religion as a whole, despite what the makers of the movie say.

First of all, let's me say what the movie gets absolutely right.

If you are a devoted Hindu, or you worship idols, you cannot help but be rankled by the way the movies shows up your beliefs. The very concept that man worships a stone, a statue that he himself created with his own hands, is richly lampooned in the movie. Superstitions that any intelligent man should laugh at are held in high extreme by idol worshippers and pagans, and this is mocked too in the movie.

PK also takes aim at the way the caretakers of temples and majars and other holy places seem to ask for money all the time and say "your work will be done" (God's guarantee!). The seemingly absurd steps sometimes devotees take to make sure their prayer will be answered (such as crawling on your knees across some steps) is shown up to the foolishness it is (as per the movie). There is a scene where Aamir Khan participates in the Shia ritual of Matam. The more extreme Shia practice self flagellation with knives and blades, drawing blood from their bodies [News article with graphic content]. Is there any point to all of that? Some devoted Shia Muslims may say this makes them commiserate with the suffering of Imam Hussain but there is no place for such self abuse in (Sunni) Islam. Self flagellation is a ritual imported into Shiaism from some orders of Christianity that also practice this to commemorate the crucifixion of Christ.

These practices that have crept in religion and are basically a front from men acting in the name of God to collect money are rightly depicted in PK as an affront to the true worship of God. I must also say that the movie makes its point in a very entertaining manner, with songs, comic sequences and thoughtful scenes, and rarely takes on a sermonizing tone. It encourages you to think.

Now let's come to where the movie gets some things wrong, especially when you think from an Islamic point of view.

In the movie's climax scene, the main eponymous character makes clear that he is not against God, but what man has made God to be - in other words, organized religion. Islam, Judaism, Christianity are all lumped in along with Hinduism as "organized religion", and therefore a problem.

Now when atheists who are from a Christian society (such as Richard Dawkins) criticize Islam, they make analogies of Islamic theology from a Christian viewpoint, when there are major theological differences between the two. Similarly, when religious practices, customs and rituals of a pagan, idol worshipping society such as India are being lampooned, we cannot lump Hinduism, a polytheistic religion in the same bucket as monotheistic religions such as Islam and Christianity.

By and large, the superstitions, religious practices, customs of Hinduism aren't common to Islam or Christianity. Yes, some practices such as venerating the graves of holy saints and asking them for prayers rather than Allah, charms and amulets have crept in to desi Islam, but overall Muslims (and Christians) look at prayers, nature of evil, Judgement, destiny and others differently from Hindus. A Hindu man may stand in line with a coconut for two hours and give a few rupees to the temple and the priest will tell him his job is done, and he will believe it. Yet no Muslim cleric of repute can make that guarantee for anyone. For us we don't go through a priest or a medium, our communication is directly to God. And we understand that prayers, while never being rejected, are not always answered the way we want. Perhaps this is why it was easier for PK to make fun of Hinduism and the Hindu godmen, rather than Islam or Christianity since they have fewer of these "silly" rituals.

PK also states about how religion has caused a lot of bloodshed in the world. While this sounds nice to hear and seems a solid argument, a simple count will prove it false. Europe has killed more people since they abandoned religious governments (since secularization and Reformation of the 1800s and the Industrial revolution). Before the religious wars were limited to Europe and they didn't kill as many in numbers. Ever since colonization and the 20th century, the wars have become more and more bloody. Where was religion in the 2nd World War? Vietnam? Iraq War 1? Iraq War 2? Panama? Falklands? What about the ethnic conflicts around the world - such as Rwanda? Was it a religious war?

PK also raises some deep questions that philosophers have debated for eons - such as the nature of evil and why does God, if He is Merciful, allow evil to exist? It seems to indicate a belief that we (all of us) have God wrong. Now I can only answer that from an Islamic point of view, and I will point you to an excellent speech (of around 20 minutes) by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi discussing some of these points.

The movie also shows complete disregard for followers actually following the rules of their religion. It seems to tie in with its theme that religion itself is bad and if we only get rid of organized religion itself humanity would prosper. This is shown by a couple who have premarital relations (banned in both of their religions) and marry each other (again not allowed by their religious laws). There are grounds for which some people are upset at PK!

So, overall, what do I make of the movie? It's a good movie, for sure. It has a few scenes (brief nudity, off screen sex being depicted) that can prevent it from being a clean experiences, but over all is a good movie with a good script, entertains and causes one to laugh, and manages to raise some questions we can all think about.

Things I Learnt From The Movie Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl

1. You can make a fully functional website for a hotel chain of hotels AND have it be on the top of Google search list, all in one day.
   
   
2. If you walk into a Punjabi gangster's house in the middle of the night with his drunk passed out daughter in your arms, declare yourself as her boyfriend who has been clubbing with her when she is supposed to be at a friend's wedding, the gangster is likely to buy your house and pay by cash.
   
   
3. In India, everyone buys land and property by exchanging bags of cash as deposit, without checking the land value, or even the title deed. After all, how can you not trust this face?
   
   
4. If you are a steel titan and earn over $30 million a year, you will sell a painting for cash on advance to save Rupees 30,000 in tax.
   
   
5. The ringtone that is one the biggest Bollywood hits of the decade has only 7 downloads in a country that has over 881 million cellphone users. And downloading a ringtone is the ONLY way to install a ringtone on today's smartphones.
   
   
6. When you have a photo of the man who conned you out of your savings, AND 3 witnesses of similar cons, AND the present location of the man, do NOT go to the police.
   
   
7. Everyone in Goa is at the beach with well oiled abs. In a city of 1.3 million, it's easy to spot one man on the beach.
   
   
8. In India, to get billionaires to invest in hotels you are planning to build on an already saturated market, it is important to throw a big party. Business plans, market evaluations, cash flow statements, revenue predictions etc. are for suckers. And you don't even need to finalize a site for the hotel. You just need a party on a boat. WTF.
   
   
9. Then, after 8 billionaires DO decide to invest in your scheme (WHY?), you decide they are not really necessary, as your dad is rich enough.

More Bollywood Lessons:

Things I Learnt From The Movie Race

Things I Learnt From The Movie Train

Things I Learnt From The Movie Vivah

Lego Bollywood

So, following on from a busy Eid, I had a little bit of time on my hands this weekend.

Movie: 3 Idiots

A promotional poster for the movie.

Film: Baazigar

The scene that defined the movie.

Film: Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge

The best song from the best movie of all time.

Film: Hum Tum

The characters from the comic strip in the movie.

Film: Mr India

"Mogambo Khush Hua"

"Main hoon Mr India!"

"Mr India laal rang pe dekha dete hain!"

Film: Om Shanti Om

From the song Dard-e-Disco (4 minutes into the song)

Film: Silsila

Song: Dekha Ek Khwab

"Fool bhi ho darmiyon to faasle huyain"

Movie: Slumdog Millionaire

The climatic scene from the movie, when Anil Kapoor goes "Chaiwala Jamaal from Aamchi Mumbai!" [images]

My Name Is Khan - 4.5/5

I penned this after having just returned from watching My Name Is Khan. There are some movies that are epics. And then, there are some movies that are events. My Name Is Khan manages to be both.

It's a heart warming story of a Muslim man with autism coping with racial tensions post-9/11 in the USA. It's the story of the Muslim community in USA that suddenly found itself in unwanted focus. It's a story that has a bit of the stories of every one of us.

We watched a matinee show, at 3 pm. Even on reaching the theatre half an hour ahead, it was packed. Families come out to see a Shah Rukh Khan movie, and the marketing and promotion for this movie has been top class. For all the woes of filmmakers about piracy, it's clear that if you make a good movie, people will throng to the big screen.

My Name Is Khan is probably one of the few (possibly the first) Bollywood movie I can recommend to non-Bollywood people. Without getting away from Bollywood trappings (songs, exotic locale) it manages to tell a story sans distractions. Yes, it loses the half point because the second half is a bit long, but you don't care because at that point, you have started to root for the protagonist of the movie. It's one of those films that manages to get you involved in the lives of its characters. You start to care for Rizwan and Mandira.

As for the Islamic aspect of the story, it serves a backdrop to the movie; the underlying context - and it has been portrayed very well. Often, directors, in an effort to avoid cliches, resort to cliches. Here, there is no such filmy-ness. There is one scene set in a mosque that stands out as the best scene in the movie.

After a long time, Shah Rukh Khan has given a performance that should fetch him numerous awards. He has proven he is one of the best actors in the industry and ditto for all others in the movie - though Shah Rukh Khan stands head and shoulders above everyone else.

After all, his name is Khan.

3 Idiots - Just Good, Not At All A Great Movie (and why Amir Khan is also not the Chosen One)

How was the movie?

Well, before I begin, three things.

First, if you are not into Bollywood skip this post.

Second, if you are going to watch 3 Idiots, watch it and then come back to this post. This is not a review, but a discussion, so I cannot guarantee no spoilers.

Third, if you are are a die hard Amir Khan fan, one who believes He can do no wrong and is the Chosen One and 3 Idiots is the Movie of the Year Decade then perhaps you should skip this post also, as this post makes sense and says some stuff that could be construed as blasphemy in your world.

Er, OK, so how was the movie?

Here's my quick take of the movie. It's a good movie. It entertains 80% of the time. Second half drags on. The twist in the story is unbelievable illogical incomprehensible. Still, overall, it's worth the $10 admission in a theatre and as I said, it's a good movie.

So, what's the problem?

Where I draw the line is when I listen to all this Amir Khan fans who have elevated this (and any thing he does) to unbelievable levels. Yesterday I went to a party and one guy was again saying the same thing and I couldn't take it any more - thus this post was born.

OK, so what exactly does this Amir Khan fan club say?

Well, first, they always say how meticulous and professional Amir Khan is and how realistic are his movies. Well, the first scene of this movie defies any logic.

A guy fakes a heart attack on a plane, makes the plane turn around, runs out THROUGH the airport, THROUGH security, rushes out of the airport and then goes on his business. Even given that this is India, in today's world, is that realistic?

I am not even going into another guy driving from wherever they are to Shimla half naked (yes, no pants). And exactly HOW LONG is a day in India? They flight is aborted in the morning, they drive around the town picking up another guy, they go to their old school, they go to another town 255 km away, then make a u turn and go somewhere else, and then again another city, and still it's just noon or so at the end of the movie!

Well it's just a Bollywood movie!

Exactly! I could accept all this from any movie. But Amir Khan's fanclub makes it as if their movies are the ONLY ones in Bollywood that are completely logical. And so I am nitpicking. I want to show that at the end, Amir Khan is only making a Bollywood movie. I mean, a still born baby comes alive when "Aal Iz Well" is said to his ear!

What other thing does Amir Khan's fan club say?

Well, they go on and on about his acting and how Shah Rukh Khan cannot touch him and why NO ONE ELSE can do this role except the Chosen and Blessed By God Amir Khan...

First, the role Amir Khan played is not a hard role. He will hardly get an Oscar nomination for this. He is playing someone eternally optimistic, always thinking beyond the immediate, fighting convention, the "modern Indian", wise, funny ... same roles.

It's a role he played in Taare Zameen Par, in Lagaan, in Dil Chahta Hain, in Rang De Basanti, in .... you get the point.

Second, R Madhavan has the toughest scene in the movie (when he tells his dad he doesn't like Engineering). Not Amir Khan. What's so hard about getting a hair cut, smiling with your teeth over your lips and saying "Aal Iz Well"?

Third, why do Amir Khan fans always have to put down Shah Rukh Khan to try and prove their Hero Deity is the greatest? They must suffer from some strange form of Inferiority Complex.

Well, at least Amir Khan is original, right?

LOL (that's me really laughing out loud).

The director must be a green person because he has recycled some horrible internet jokes that have gone out as forwards ever since email first started. He truly takes me back to my college days as one of the first forwards I got was "big butt seat" which when reluctantly (or eagerly, can't remember now) clicked upon (before the days of viruses and trojans) would lead to this.


The following still, from 3 Idiots, is however considered "original".



Second, as soon as Boman Irani (that's a whole post by itself) took out the astronaut pen, I groaned. Surely, Amir Khan is not going to tell this joke? But he did.

Oh, and remember the joke about exam papers and "Do you know who am I"? Groan. He put that in as well.

And now, let's come to some other shades of copying. Hero traveling out of the house, getting dressed in a hurry, forgetting his pants. Man! Shah Rukh Khan has done it to death in Dil To Pagal Hain and Kuch Kuch Hota Hain. Even he doesn't do it any more!

And finally, young college student trying to reform old grouchy headmaster whose own child has committed suicide due to the headmaster's fussiness about rules and practicality? Shades of Mohabbatein anyone?

Well, didn't the movie have a social message?

Which is what exactly? I am still trying to understand that. Does Amir Khan say don't study, grades are not important? Why is his grade in the movie first then? What exactly is the whole point of the movie?

Name That Movie - Bollywood Edition

Geeki did the Hollywood version so I thought I would do the Bollywood version. This proved harder than I thought - hardly any memorable quotes are uploaded on IMDB.

Task: Pick 15 or so movies. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie. Post them here for everyone to guess. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.

NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other searches.

Note: Where the character's name appears in the dialogue and is a dead give away, I replaced it with [Hero] or similarly as required.

1.
Heroine: I love you?
Hero: Yes, I love you!
Heroine: You couldn't do that much?
Hero: No, unfortunatly I couldn't
Heroine: Thats a shame. We could have won.

2.
Hero: When I dead... police coming. Police coming... 'budiya' going jail. In jail, the old hag will be grinding and grinding and grinding and grinding and grinding..

3.
Hero: Dad, what did you have for breakfast?
Hero's Dad: I don't know... I don't remember her name.

4.
Side Character: I'm going to leave, far from your life... bye
Heroine: Wait [Side Character]!
Side Character: [excitedly] Yes?
Heroine: Thankyou... Brother...
Side Character: [With a shocked look on his face, the theme tune of Hum Aapke Hai koun plays] Don't say anything else... BROTHER?
[gets in the car and drives off crying]
Side Character: Brother... she called me brother!

5.
Hero: You gave me five minutes to talk, I finished in four and half minutes, that's 30 seconds profit. PROFIT!

6.
Heroine: Say it.
Hero: What?
Heroine: What you've never said to me before.
Hero: That I love the kids and Tommy more than you?

7.
Heroine: [Hero], do you know what day is tomorrow?
Hero: [opens his eyes desperately] What is it now?
Heroine: Tomorrow is my first Karwa Chaud. I want you to give me my first water after my fast
Hero: Hands off!

8.
Hero: You are great... You are any man's best mate... You are very kind... You have the world's greatest mind... The whole world is your fan... I feel that you are definitely NOT a man!
Villain: W.w.WHAT?
Hero: A... ba... ba... ba... you're superman! superman!

9.
Heroine: You are an unhappy man and will always be...
Hero: And you are beautiful woman and will always be.

10.
Heroine: Do you walk on the path shown by Mahatma Gandhi?
Hero: Of course! I walk 3 miles everyday on Mahatma Gandhi Street.

11.
Hero: Hey [Heroine]! There's only one house in the village with a neem tree in the yard. There's also a big field beside it. There's some chickens, two cows, and three goats. And I know whose house that is! It's mine, you silly girl! One thing before you go. Mother likes you, too!

12.
Villain: Son of the pigs. They were 2 and you are 3. Still you came back. That too with empty hands. What were you thinking when you were coming back. Sardar will be happy and will give you a goodwill gesture. Hmmm...

13.
Old Lady: Both father and son are incurable. They're hopeless! In fact, puthar, there is no hope!

14.
Hero: You lost your husband and your home once because of me. I will make sure that you won't lose you son too. Laxman will not be harmed.
Old Lady: [Ram starts to leave] Ram? I want both my sons back.

15.
Hero: I don't know what love is. Until now, I've never had good luck and have fallen in love with any of the ladies. I don't even know any ladies, forget about, falling in love with one.

16.
Heroine: If you stay with me, what will your future be like tomorrow?
Hero: No matter what our future may be like, [Heroine], we'll make it beautiful together. But if you aren't with me, then I have no present, past or any future.

17.
Police: Money and women. The reasons men make most mistakes in life. Looks like you've mixed up both.

18.
Hero: Your glance is magic, Your body, fragrance! Whether you agree to it, or deny it, you are MINE [Heroine].

19.
Hero: People say that when beautiful girls lie they become even more beautiful.

20.
Heroine: Are you like checking me out?

Rab Ne ... Sucks

Dear Shah Rukh Khan,

Why? Why? Oh, why?

For nearly 15 years, you have given us movies that while wasn’t good all the time, was entertaining. And then you gave us those true masterpieces, the movies that never age, the movies that became the big blockbusters and the movies through which I remember my childhood. And then you do this.

I remember watching an old print of DDLJ, finally released in the Arab country I lived in. I cheered for you when you said you wanted to marry your love, but with her parents’ blessings. I cheered when you beat up those baddies. And finally, as Simran clutched your hand and leapt on the train, I cheered for the general goodness that a great love story brings on the cinematic curtain.

I am a writer. I love emotions. I love movies that tug at emotions. I loved most of your movies. I remember the scene in KKHH when, years after graduation, Rahul (or Raj, can’t remember) returns to the campus, plays with the basketball, and remembers with fondness the frivolity of youth. Every frame of that movie is brilliant with context, rich with emotions and superfluous at tugging at your heartstrings. And then you do this.

For eight years, we waited. Aditya Chopra, for eight years. Great directors almost never follow a truly epic movie. James Cameron waited nearly 10 years to release Avatar following Titanic. He knew it was hard to match expectations, again. Mr Chopra, you waited just two years after DDLJ and released Mohabbatein. We said, oh, well, ok, fine. He’ll get it next time. And so, eight years we wait. And then you do this.

I mean, how *splutter* is this even believable. A guy shaves off his moustache and the wife doesn’t recognize him? In one second the character turns from geek to hero? And then? Suri becomes a sadistic person willing to take into weird corners his experiment in testing the wife’s fidelity? Is this even believable? What a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE, movie.

I am truly disappointed. It’s been years since I have seen a truly Bollywood love story. C’mon, Bollywood, we love you for what you are. Goofy love stories, choreographed dances in the middle of the desert and dense forest (in the same song!). We like the stereotypes. But overall, we like the emotions. We like the love story. We love the hero being a hero and the heroine being the quintessential heroine. I hate Bollywood when they try to churn out “English-like” movies. But you know, a general believability would be nice! You made *splutter* a story that is so ridiculous it is beyond logic. It is … an insult to logic.

Rab Ne Bana Di Waste Of Time indeed!

Slumdog Millionaire

Along with Geeki and Mousehunter, a couple of weeks ago I attended a special screening of Slumdog Millionaire. I had been meaning to post on how awesome a movie it was. Don't worry - no spoilers below.


One of the great problems I see with Bollywood is that people won't see a movie without any big stars in it, no matter how good it is. And when there are those big stars, the public demands a certain story, even if that story has been played a thousand times.

It is for those reasons that I attended Slumdog Millionaire with absolutely zero expectations, and found myself not only blown away by the story, but absolutely enjoying every minute of the movie. Anil Kapoor has a special role in the movie, and there is one "item song" at the end credits.


It is better you go into this movie with no idea of the story, as you will enjoy it more. It's not your typical Bollywood movie (first of all it's mostly in English), even though it is a love story. It's also very deglamourized, and it's refreshing to see a girl not wake up looking like a million bucks!

5 stars for Slumdog Millionaire.

Golmaal Returns

Is a very funny movie.

Regardless of whatever the critics say.

It's just, too, funny.

That is all.

Love Story 2050 vs. Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

I saw two Hindi movies recently. One was very good and one was very bad.

Love Story 2050

2.5/10

In spite of all the bad reviews this movie got, I still WANTED to see this movie. It's a sci-fi with time travel, you don't get those often in Hindi cinema. So I watched it.

Imagine.

It's raining outside. Hero is in the mall with hero's girlfriend. It's not that crowded and hero is holding her hand. Suddenly, looking deep into her eyes, and hero utters this romantic dialogue:

"You are like a hot dog without the sausage."

At this point you have to think, seriously, how much worse can the script get? By the end of the seriously bad movie which feels so long that you THINK it's 2050 by the time it ended - you'd know just HOW bad this movie can be.In terms of acting, only Priyanka had a great challege - she had to play two roles. Girl in love, and girl in love with red hair. The special effects are never seen before, in Bollywood that is, but standard Hollywood fare.

As for product placements, it's very amusing to know that Xbox will still be around in 2050, and their latest model would STILL be Xbox 360!

In short, please save 3 hours of your life and do NOT see this movie.

Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na

8.5/10

Cute. Good. Adolescence love. Nice movie. Very much watchable.

The heroine looks so much like 'Liya it's uncanny.
I liked the movie - especially the funny climax.

Songs are great.

Please go see it.

Bye.

Things I Learnt From The Movie Race

Yesterday I had the good fortune of watching the movie Race. The movie updated me on how India is progressing in ways more than one. For example:

I learned that nowadays police officers apparently don't need to wear uniforms any longer.This is of course so that they may blend in with the local population with ease and keep an eye on them. No study has yet been released on whether the local population of India wears designer shades, leather jackets or drives stunning cars (the old green police Jeep is out of fashion).

Speaking of police Inspectors, whereas in the old days each Inspector was accompanied by a fat dumb Hawaldar, nowadays they come accompanied with curvaceous, long-legged bimbettes wearing miniskirts and dresses with low necklines.Job duties may include cutting fruits, modeling skimpy swimsuits (all undercover of course) and practicing kissing with the boss.

Speaking of secretaries, if you are rich businessman in Bollywood, your secretary must be a super sexy model who, if the situation demands, will go to a club for you and dance on a mirrored floor.I am sure the next batch of graduates at the Indian School of Business must include Sexy Secretary as one of the job perks of being a manager in Negotiations class.

And finally, Indian men are no longer afraid to cry. Every time they engage in sex they must cry.Or maybe, just maybe, since they were doing it in the barn, Saif just got pricked by the Proverbial Needle in the Haystack.

All in all, it wasn't a bad movie!

Previously in this series:

Things I Learnt From The Movie Train

Things I Learnt From The Movie Vivah

Taare Zameen Par - A Review

I saw the movie Taare Zameen Par yesterday. It was a choice of either that or Kite Runner. And frankly, I am glad I chose Taare Zameen Par.

Without giving the story away, it's about a kid who has a problem and his teacher, Aamir Khan, who deals with it and teaches the rest of us a thing or two.

This year saw two movies (Chak De and Taare Zameen Par) that were both away from the run-of-the-mill romances, minus heroines and starring the leading man in equal footage with the rest of the cast - and yet both look to be big hits. It is proof that there is space in Bollywood for non-formulaic movies - as a long as its well made.

Taare Zameen Par has a solid script, excellent acting and does not drag on or insert unnecessary drama when there is no need to. It is a simple story, told well. You can take your whole family to the movie and enjoy a great Eid and New Year's treat. Two songs from the movie, Maa and Bum Bole are very good and well picturized.

If you have not seen this movie yet, you should.

Rating: 5 stars.

Things I Learnt From The Movie Train

When I was a kid, my biggest concern was whether Lion-O would complete the Anointment Trials to become the true Lord of the ThunderCats, or whether my sister was going to finish that last piece of chicken. Apparently, I did not know that Bollywood Indian movie kids on the other hand are very smart and keep up with what their parents are up to, even including details of their love life.


Of course, if you are under stress, haven't talked to your wife properly in months, always sniping and fighting with her, have monetary issues, and your child has a health problem, all it needs to solve ALL those issues is for your wife to ask you for sex.

Using innuendos of course, remember, you are still desi (brown).


I don't know why I cut the next scene - except perhaps because it has the name (almost!) of one of my favourate bloggers.


Well, if after all that (smart kid, horny hot wife, good job and house) you still want to commit adultery, it doesn't hurt that the other lady is oomph!-worthy. Where did you meet her? On "The Train" - hence the name of the movie.

Alas, the only time one hot young lady offered to pay my fare on the subway was ... let's see ... NEVER.

I mean, I even had the drunk-looking "I-am-so-hot" look that Emran Hashmi gives here.


I think my fast has already been lightened, to balance it I think I should go watch some movie that deals with Islamic stuff - you know - like The Kingdom.

Previously: Things I Learnt From The Movie Vivah

The Missing Woman

A long time childhood crush of mine just had a baby daughter, leading me to experience a probably inappropriate twinge of regret that yes - she is well and truly gone. Indeed, it was the sight of her cavorting around on a rainy rooftop in a yellow sari that has probably fueled the testosterone-laden attraction of many a guy towards voluptuous full figured Indian women - now immortalized by Youtube.

However, as I lately purvey the tripe that now masquerades as 'Indian' movies - I see that this sari-clad beauty is now an endangered species. For example, in a song that brings the Canadian-Pakistani talent of Adnan Sami along with Kareena Kapoor, the scion of the famous Bollywood clan, you have this.

It seems more and more Bollywood songs now have our hero dancing with a backup crew that consists of people fitting one job description - you have to be a foreign, blonde female with an attractive figure that you will barely adorn with clothes. For example, the main attraction of the song Kiss Me Baby (yikes, English!) in the movie Garam Masala was this.


A rating of PG-13 on this blog prohibits me from placing some more pictures as example (also because I have a disk quota from Blogger) but you get the idea.

In affectionate remembrance of the truly desi woman, who died an untimely death circa 1990s. Deeply lamented by a large circle of admirers, Bollywood watchers and horny teenagers.

As an aside, I wonder if the large number of foreign women dancing to the tunes of brown men (literally) feeds some hidden desire of us desi men to control the exotic Other Woman. Go to the Facebook album of any of the resident desi "Studs", and you will see one typical picture.

In the club. Beer in hand. Foreign (usually White) Woman on arm.

I have seen even black men who have white girlfriends subconsciously introduce them around as if they are some kind of trophy. I wonder why.

A Movie And A Show

I watched a good movie over the weekend. It's Namastey London. On one side you can say as per the movie all young British desis are club going vodka-sipping dancers who are in love with white people that are secretly racist and unfaithful lovers.

On the other hand, you can say the movie depicts the life of one young spoilt desi girl who is a coconut - brown on the outside but white all the way through - whose troubled Indian father decides the best way to control his daughter would be to take her to India on the pretext of a vacation - and get her married off by force to an Indian guy from Punjab. What follows that idea is the crux of the movie.

The movie is a complete entertainer and works without going into exaggerations that Hindi movies are prone to take. Akshay Kumar wants to win the love of his wife but you don't see any of the cliche scenes where a group of thugs will try to harass Katrina Kaif and he has to fight ten men with bare hands. Speaking of Kaif she looks like a million bucks and her Anglo-Indian accent is very believable.

Lot of other issues (racism/generation gap/fobbiness) were raised in the movie, but what I took back after it ended was the song 'Viraaniya'. It was such a melodious tune!

Speaking of acting and Indian, we had our Boisakhi (Bengali new year) party on the weekend. It was mostly composed of our friends and families (Bangladeshis) who had moved to Canada from the Middle East. One of the skits involved a reporter for BTV interviewing Sachin Tendulkar after India lost to Bangladesh in the World Cup. And of course Tendulkar was played by yours truly *cough*

It was a blast, as the reporter asked him why India lost and 'Tendulkar' replied (in that high pitched voice), "Well we were busy doing ads the night before the game - you know important stuff." And then 'he' starts touting Nirma - the washing detergent - during the interview.



I could not but help think if you are a kid born and brought up here whose parents took them to such Bengali functions and other cultural and religious events, maybe you won't feel so out of touch with your brown-ness when the time comes to get married.

Salaam-E-Ishq

Dear Diary,

Last night I went to see the latest blockbuster Salaam-E-Ishq with a few friends. Then I came home and watched Snakes On A Plane. And before that I went to rehearsals for this stage show that I am in.

Dear Diary, here are some things I learnt from Salaam-E-Ishq:

To get the pretty lady on the subway to fall madly in love with you, stare down her dress at her cleavage. Apparently this works in London.

Cellphones work on the London subways while underground.

If you want to woo an old flame, blackmail is the way to go.

If you stand in the middle of the streets of Muslim Lahore, Pakistan, and proclaim your love for a Muslim girl while you yourself are a Hindu guy, and she accepts, religious looking people in beards will cheer rather than shout about the gazab of Allah.

Overall the movie was ho-hum. Nothing ahamori, or extra-special as they say in Bengali, but OK. You won't feel your money being wasted. Some people had told me the 3.5 hours (yes!) would make the movie seem long, but to be honest I didn't feel the movie dragging at all.

Dear Diary, you know Vidya Balan, my current fav? Well, despite being sans make-up for 80% of the time, she still looked good. Her acting was one the best in the movie. Just to prove I am not biased though, Priyanka Chopra did the best job though in the movie. The songs were well choreographed, especially the title song. Akshaye Khanna was the worst actor, hamming awfully with zero comic timing, while surprisingly Govinda was the best. Six average love stories, an average movie, but stylish visuals and the multi-star cast obviously being the main draw.

Snakes On A Plane. Now there's a fundas movie! Total B-grade effects, acting, but I had a ball of a time watching the movie. The predictability of the plot did nothing to hamper the fun, it was buckle your seat belts and hold on for the corny script, cheesy special effects and some R-rated fun. Paisa Vasool, as they say.

You ask about the show I am in? It's on March 16. The last time I was on stage on such a show was three years ago. It's different now, even though some of the people I know are family friends it's such a younger bunch, but as a graduate student I expected that. It might be the last year I can do this, so I wanted to.

You know what's funny? Sometimes now when I see someone, let's say four or five years younger than me, and he's wearing baggy jeans, tight t-shirts, loads of gel, some bling bling, and I laugh. I can so see right through those characters now, and what they are trying to do. Then when these girls walk into the room in a coat that is chic but really does nothing to protect them against -30 degrees outside, when they emit a fake laugh at some corny joke, you gotta laugh again. Not at them, but that few years back, I was one of that crowd.

God I feel like Anil Kapoor plus Akshaye Khanna now.

Three Songs And A Video

This post is dedicated to my sister. I don't know why. Just. Because.

I have a bad habit of "spoiling" songs. Make them go rotten, according to her.

You see, when I get a new song that I like, I add it to my queue on Winamp. And then I play it.

Repeatedly.

It's good if I get 3 or 4 songs, then I can cycle through that list, but when I get this one song - I play it in a repeat loop. It's just so damn good!

But then my sister will barge into my room - "Will you shut that song already?!! Man it was such a good song and now you have spoilt it!"

I guess listening to a song for the 30^th time in a row does that to you.

And it's not just on my laptop. I will copy it to my ipod and play it in my car. Then I will copy it to my work computer and play it at work. It will be on my ipod as I work out. And it will be on my mp3 alarm clock to wake me up. OK so now you know why I scare off some people one more weird fact about me.

At least I am not as bad as the legendary cleaner in Dubai. People who grew up with me will know who I am talking about (let's just call him E). E used to clean everyone's houses that I knew of. He liked this one song so much (I think it was some stupid Bengali folk song called 'Majhir Lungi' or something). In those days CDs had still not come out and it was all tapes. E had a Walkman (it was those free Walkmans you get when you buy 10 Nido cans - ah free stuff of Dubai where hast thou gone?).

And E hated to press the rewind button every time for that song - so he did what any sane person would do. The whole 60 minutes of that cassette, side A and side B, had just one song, repeated a dozen times, throughout the tape. That story has become a legend.

Currently I have three songs and a video that I just can't get enough of. Be sure to get originals and not crazy remixes.

The first one is this song called "Bad Boy" from the movie Pyaar Ke Side Effects. It's a pop song - with deep meaningful lyrics. Well, as meaningful as you can get in a Bollywood item number. It's sung by Sophie, and there is this one line in the song (once you get past the cheesy "would you be my bad boy" intro):

"jo bura hai, woh dil ko lagta bhala hai"
(what's bad, this heart finds it pleasing)

Speaks to my stage of life (hah!) - tired of being the 'good boy' all the time, I want to be baaaaad. *evil laugh here*

The next song is this amazing, delightful, marvelous, fantastic song sung in a superb manner by the singer Kay Kay. It's from the film Woh Lamhe and called "Kya Mujhe Pyaar Hai". You will love it. Just the composition, music, lyrics - it's all perfect for those who are in love. The lyrics are soulful.

The final song in my trilogy of Songs About To Be Spoilt is from the new film Salaam-E-Ishq. It's sung by Adnan Sami and the song is "Dil Kya Kare". The music is good, the voice is melodious and the lyrics go well with the mood of the song. Although one line of the song says "I am in love because even in the coolness of January I get hot sweats" could be due to global warming and not because you found Miss Right.

Now for the video. This will give you a kick. Asha Bhosle and Brett Lee! Yes, the cricketer. And it's at the top of the Indian charts now!

The video is available on You tube. And when you think Lee wrote and sung the song himself, it's quite good! And yes it's in English so I am not all Bollycrazy here.

Go ahead and spoil away.

PS. And oh, I ran into one Abhishek Bachchan last night.