At the risk of offending the (few) female readers of this blog, I am in the mood today to spout some vitriol. You have been warned! Stay back!
Things That Girls Do (And Guys Will Never Do):
1. Kiss each other hello. Or goodbye. If two girls know each other for a while, they will do this. The really close friends will kiss when they meet and kiss again when they part. Sometimes, the girls don't even really kiss. The lips and the cheeks move close to each other, they make the kissing motion and sound in the air and then draw away. Kind of a teaser trailer. C'mon, if you gotta kiss, kiss already!
Somehow I just don't see guys doing it. Arabs in thobes used to do it in the middle east but they would kiss the nose (they would even hold hands in the market place), but not here. No way are you catching me kissing a guy friend hello. Guys would normally grunt each other's existence with a 'wassup'.
2. Go to the washroom together.
You are in a group. Suddenly girl 1 says 'I have to use the ladies' room.' Girl 2 suddenly says, 'wait! I will go with you'. And suddenly it's just the guys left behind.
The only time guys go to the washroom together is when I organize outings. Since I am a compulsive planner, I will say (let's say we went to Wonderland), 'OK, we have 10 minutes per ride before the crowds get bigger and lunch is scheduled at 2, so right now we have 5 minutes to go to the washrooms. Next washroom break is scheduled in 1.5 hrs. You gotta go, go now!"
3. Dismiss their cars as 'this old thing'.
To guys, our cars are our alter egos. They are our best friends. If it's a new car, we talk about its horsepower and the deal we got on it. I have yet to meet a guy who did not get a deal on his car. If it's an old car, we talk about it's wonderful gas mileage or the ever surprisingly-still-functioning air conditioning. We never, NEVER, dismiss our cars as 'oh this? This old thing! Yeah, it gets me around.'
I even knew a girl who got a Nissan 350Z and wanted it automatic. Who drives a sports car with automatic. She even put a cute-(there's that word again)-looking sleepy Winnie the Pooh bear on the back window. Somewhere the soul of the 350Z must have died.
4. Use the expression 'it's soooo cute!'.
Girls do it. They see a puppy with drool running over the side of its face and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. They see a baby in a stroller and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. Well, duh. Last time I checked all babies were cute. We guys are smart. We don't have to say it. We know.
Sure, a guy will say ''it's soooo cute!'. But that's only in the company of girls, just to earn brownie points with ulterior end motives. In the company of guys only, we might go as far as to say 'oh it's cute'. It's the word 'soooo' in front of the word 'cute' and the exclamation mark at the end that makes the expression 'it's soooo cute!' a girl-exclusive statement.
Tags: Guys Girls