Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Hell Hath No Fury ...

I dropped into a friend R's place (the one from Maternity Ward incident) to borrow a few DVDs. At that moment another friend, F, dropped in as well. While I was chatting, Bhabi (R's wife) asked us to stay for dinner - she had prepared chilli chicken.

"Sure, why not?" I replied. I had nothing planned. F consented too. Bhabi said she had to put the baby to sleep and excused herself. So we had 10 minutes to kill before she returned to serve us dinner.

For some reason the conversation turned to marriage and life after marriage. R, being the married man, began to share his profound thoughts.

"Man, marriage can be a constraining affair." R said. "You develop a tail."

"Tail?" We both asked.

"Yes, tail." R explained. "Wife and kids. Wherever I go, I have a tail now. I want to make some plans, I have to clear it with your Bhabi. Weekends, the kids have something to do, or there's some housework to be done."

"I see." This ofcourse, was running counter to my thoughts about marriage, which ran closely to how Bollywood portrayed it. Unrealistic - probably. Pleasant dreams - absolutely! R, a happily married man, was warning us to keep our expectations low.

"When I was in college," R continued, "my four roommates and I used to party into the night. Now I take your Bhabi to the movies - only if I can get my parents to babysit - and that's pretty much it."

"Moreover," R wasn't finished. "marriage is responsibility. You guys should now enjoy yourselves. Don't wear chains, don't ..."

At this moment the bedroom door opened, Bhabi had presumably put the baby to sleep. Since R couldn't trash marriage in front of her, he wisely shut up. Bhabi went to the kitchen, and pretty soon we were told that dinner was served.

As we tucked into the chilli chicken and rice, R commented on how tasty it was.

"Thank you," Bhabi had a smile, "but I am sure one of your 4 college roommates could've cooked better."

R had a puzzled look on his face at the reply, but continued to eat nonchalantly. Me? My spidey sense started to tingle furiously. Something was not right.

Soon, F asked how the new baby was treating her and R.

"Well," Bhabi replied, "the baby does wake up at odd hours, but you expect that. Joys and chains of being a parent, you see." She had subtly placed an emphasis on the word 'chains'.

Even R had a wary look on his face now. F and I exchanged glances. This was getting interesting. She couldn't have overheard R from all the way from behind a closed door in the bedroom, could she?

"Any plans this weekend?" I asked, after some time.

"No," Bhabi interrupted before R could reply. "R has to take us to my mother's. When you get a long tail you have to wag it - you see."

R almost choked on his food. Bhabi had a twinkle in her eye. When she glanced at us she had a hint of a smile. I knew now for sure she had overheard the conversation.

But how?

I finished the dinner quickly. So did F. We both bid adieu in a haste to leave. R looked at us as if we were abandoning him on a sinking ship, escaping with the only lifeboat.

As we crossed the living room where R had regaled us with the talk of chains and 'tails' of marriage, and for which he would now be in the soup, we heard a baby's cry. From behind the sofa. It was coming from a white object on the shelf.

Baby monitor. Ofcourse! Like a two-way walkie-talkie, baby monitors come as a pair. You place one of them near the baby's cot, and another to wherever you were seated. It worked exactly like the walkie-talkie. As soon as the baby cried, his voice would be transmitted to wherever you were seated. On the sofa. And as soon as you talked, let's say on why marriage is bad and has chains and tails, your voice would be transferred to wherever the baby was.

Or wherever the baby was being put to sleep by your wife.

And to top it all off - the baby monitors were a gift from me.



Anonymous said...

hahahaa.... nice one... and a well thought provoking gift...
Now R is going to be chained for life :)

- Behbood

Anonymous said...

A baby Monitor - $20

A grand dinner served with Rice and Chilli Chicken - $20

Seeing the expression on the husband's face after the wife finds out that 'To her hubs, Marriage is like forcefully wrapping a man in chains and adding a long tail' - PRICELESS

There are somethings money can buy, For everything else there's MASTERCARD.

(also as an added note)
The look on the Jamaican man (the one R met at the hospital) when he finds out what R said - PHOTOGENIC

[[[There are some smiles money can buy, but bringing a smile on a jamaican man who has two kids with two different women (when he is told this story at R's residence - PRICELESS]]]

- Behbood

nalumoni said...

Pssht! Marriage is still Bollywood-like. Don't let R convince you otherwise. (Yes girls, I have it under control. Don't worry, I am not going to let another one get away so quickly) lolz.

This was AWESOME! See, even MORE reasons to want a baby. Ugh. I have weighed the pros and cons so much in my blog, I should just tally it all up now and see what the final result is. So another addition in the pro-list:
- eavesdrop on your husband using a baby monitor while he talks trash about married life.

Shabina said...

ooh, a baby monitor, i called it! funny story...but ouch, that's got to hurt for wifey to hear...

Anonymous said...

R is probably a nice guy and was just joking around. But I seen tht as general rule guys dont mind jokin abt their marriage or their wife or even joke abt gettin a second wife whereas women wudnt do such a thing. wonder if its just our culture or general a guy thing.

Rawi said...

that's easily the best baby monitor story i've heard...

Aisha said...

Another Mezba comedy classic post! I laughed and laughed, lol. Seriously though I have to be very careful at baby monitors. Ive had some "blush moments" such as singing my nephew to sleep in his nursery and then to my horror walking into the living room where all aunties/uncles are smiling at me and telling me I sign quite well. GAH.

mezba said...

@Behbood: Nice! Your comments are hilarious - as usual. Or, should I say, PRICELESS.

@Nowal: Marriage. Bollywood. Got it. BTW I would LOVE to see a post on that pro/con baby list on your blog.

@Shabina, Farah, Arafat: I think R was just being a smart-ass. Too bad for him, will have to make up for that for sometime now! :-)

@Aisha: Hahaha. Singing. Good Lord, did you ever get asked to play Antakshari later by that crowd?

Isheeta said...

This was priceless!!! You have an art for story-telling, thats for sure! :)

Anonymous said...

So it's true Man of the house never pays attention what happens in the house. Only if only IF he had known where the monitor is ... ;).

Anonymous said...

Hi Mezba!

Well, I haven't had a chance to read your blog (since the time I had left an anonymous message about recently happening on your blog and commenting on the good job you were doing sometime back), but I am glad I had a chance to make a pit stop today. I think your narrative was wonderful; the story had just the right blend of suspense and humor to make for an edge-of-the-seat, laugh-out-loud post.

--Ek Nazara :)
(Anonymous poster of March 12th, 3:04 p.m.)

Anonymous said...

Mezba don’t be discouraged by all the negative comments by R. You can be married and could be happy. Just follow your judgment when you ought to decide to have kids. If you marry young and decided to wait for a while to have kids believe me you could have fun of your lifetime. You both could go on vacation and pursue a career without guilt. Meanwhile you could save some money which comes handy when you guys finally decide to have a kid. When one day you have a kid just pitch in house chores so you know where is the baby monitor *Whink*.

Anonymous said...

Never realised baby monitors are such multi purpose appliances, I'll remember to get one as soon as I'm married, would serve as a nice "husband with his friend conversation monitor". Thanks for idea Mez. ;D

Anonymous said...

LOL!The baby monitor comes to the rescue of moms!I once overheard a conversation that I was supposed to hear,you see,when someone calls and you have the monitor on,you could actually hear the other person on the other end.Anyway,let's say,I got to know the real person from that day onwards,saved me alot!This person,upto this date has no idea why I stopped communicating with her,she was just mean,evil and spiteful and infront of me,she was all mother teressa.sf.

Anonymous said...

I read it only today and LOVED it!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!! Absolute classic - LOL

mezba said...

Isheeta: thank you, and so do you!

Saxena: haha that's true.

Ek Nazara: thank you.

Davy: lol

Zainub: you are welcome!

Sf: wow that's one story.

Suroor: Do you have one?

Sumera: hehe.

Anonymous said...

My favorite part is how he's complaining about the chains and trials of marriage while waiting for his wife to serve him dinner. I bet he doesn't complain about that!

mezba said...

working, hahaha