African Lion Safari

Finally we managed to go for the African Lion Safari in Cambridge, Ontario. All summer we had been meaning to go, but various last minute changes entailed delaying the trip continuously.

For a safari that calls itself the Lion safari, the lions were pretty tame. In fact, most of them were sleeping when we started our drive through the reserve.


Sleeping Beasts

I was hesitant to take my car into the reserves, preferring to take the trip by the Safari bus, but was glad I did. Everyone warned me about the baboons causing damage to your car, but once you are in your car, you can stop to look, take pictures and so on (just don't get out!).


Tarzan's Best Friends


Adnan Sami Of The Baboon World

Thankfully the monkeys didn't get on our car. This next guy however scared me. The tinted glasses were causing pictures to come out dark, and he was a distance away ...


Dear Deer

... so I decided to lower the window slightly, and forgot I had 'auto-down' feature. One touch of the button and window started to slide down fast, and the deer got interested ...


Oh Deer

Thankfully I got my senses back in time to roll the window up and he went away.

There were lots of other stuff to see at the Safari, including the Birds of Prey show, the Elephant show where one big guy apparently did the bhangra ...


Hati Singh

... a parrot that sang O Canada and ofcourse a small petting zoo. The full slideshow is on Flickr.

A few thoughts:

Someone did tell me if you urinate on your car's hood the monkeys won't bother you. I did not try this. If you do, please let me know if it worked.

Tinted glasses have drawbacks for photography, as well as dirty windows. Clear your windows and windshields prior to trip for excellent pictures.

The park's popular amongst desis. You should have seen the Indian crowds cheer at the elephant show.

Tags: African Lion Safari

Lage Raho Munnabhai Rocks!

This is the most delightful movie I have seen in a while! After all the emotional melodramas and action throughout the summer, it felt great to sit for 3 hours with a smile on your face all the while, and a few laughs here and there. The comedy works, the casting works, the songs work, the script works ... Go watch it already!


*drool*


These guys had their fans too!

PS. Hard to believe, but someone attended the movie just because of Sanjay Dutt.

PS2. To those guys who took their dates to see Crank, what the hell were you thinking?

PS2. Did anyone catch the trailor (and the song Ye Mera Dil) of Don? Kareena sizzles!




Tags: Lage Raho Munnabhai

They Are From Venus

At the risk of offending the (few) female readers of this blog, I am in the mood today to spout some vitriol. You have been warned! Stay back!

Things That Girls Do (And Guys Will Never Do):

1. Kiss each other hello. Or goodbye. If two girls know each other for a while, they will do this. The really close friends will kiss when they meet and kiss again when they part. Sometimes, the girls don't even really kiss. The lips and the cheeks move close to each other, they make the kissing motion and sound in the air and then draw away. Kind of a teaser trailer. C'mon, if you gotta kiss, kiss already!

Somehow I just don't see guys doing it. Arabs in thobes used to do it in the middle east but they would kiss the nose (they would even hold hands in the market place), but not here. No way are you catching me kissing a guy friend hello. Guys would normally grunt each other's existence with a 'wassup'.

2. Go to the washroom together.

You are in a group. Suddenly girl 1 says 'I have to use the ladies' room.' Girl 2 suddenly says, 'wait! I will go with you'. And suddenly it's just the guys left behind.

The only time guys go to the washroom together is when I organize outings. Since I am a compulsive planner, I will say (let's say we went to Wonderland), 'OK, we have 10 minutes per ride before the crowds get bigger and lunch is scheduled at 2, so right now we have 5 minutes to go to the washrooms. Next washroom break is scheduled in 1.5 hrs. You gotta go, go now!"

3. Dismiss their cars as 'this old thing'.

To guys, our cars are our alter egos. They are our best friends. If it's a new car, we talk about its horsepower and the deal we got on it. I have yet to meet a guy who did not get a deal on his car. If it's an old car, we talk about it's wonderful gas mileage or the ever surprisingly-still-functioning air conditioning. We never, NEVER, dismiss our cars as 'oh this? This old thing! Yeah, it gets me around.'

I even knew a girl who got a Nissan 350Z and wanted it automatic. Who drives a sports car with automatic. She even put a cute-(there's that word again)-looking sleepy Winnie the Pooh bear on the back window. Somewhere the soul of the 350Z must have died.

4. Use the expression 'it's soooo cute!'.

Girls do it. They see a puppy with drool running over the side of its face and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. They see a baby in a stroller and go 'oh it's soooo cute!'. Well, duh. Last time I checked all babies were cute. We guys are smart. We don't have to say it. We know.

Sure, a guy will say ''it's soooo cute!'. But that's only in the company of girls, just to earn brownie points with ulterior end motives. In the company of guys only, we might go as far as to say 'oh it's cute'. It's the word 'soooo' in front of the word 'cute' and the exclamation mark at the end that makes the expression 'it's soooo cute!' a girl-exclusive statement.

Tags: Guys Girls

Blog Day

Today is Blog Day.

31/08 = 3 1 o ₈ = Blog

Here's five of the many blogs that I frequently read, presented in no order whatsoever:

It's My Life, maintained by Aisha. She talks about various events in her life as well as raising interesting discussions on diverse issues.

Isheeta's dating/life experiences. She is a good writer and a Muslim chick to boot.

Abu Sinan on Muslim/Arab issues and his two kids.

Koonj, written by Shabana. An excellent read. I like the way she titles her posts.

Lightness of Being, a blog containing short stories and thoughts by Maliha.

Tags: Blog Day

List of GTA Bengali Bloggers

On her blog the other day, Nowal asked me if I knew of any other Bengali bloggers in and around the Greater Toronto Area (the Center Of The Universe). I thought it would be a nice time to introduce some of the blog talent that I know of. Here, in no particular order, are a few Bengali-Canadian blogs. A few I know personally, others through their blogs.

First up, we have Akankhito. She is from the Toronto area and is a talented musician, trained in the sitar and the like. Has a great voice too.

Next we have Nowal of Baby Brown Tales. She is from K-town, as she calls Kingston (I would make the honourary Toronto diss about Kingston but the blogger is a nice lady so I won't).

Up next is the Bengali Fob. She keeps her identity secret, but did promise to laugh secretly if she ever ran into other bloggers at a party. It's always good to make girls laugh. Unless they are laughing at you, ofcourse.

Next up is Tasnuva of A Sunshine Two Brief. She was formerly of Hamilton formerly of Toronto and presently headed towards Vancouver. She is most famous for her Samosa for the Arranged Souls posts (for links visit her site).

Following on, we have S, who suffered from a toothache recently. My condolences. We also have the self-described 'antisocial hermit' at Insert Clever Title Here.

Turning to guys, we do have Arnab at A wave of Alternative Mandate. He was a fellow Libblogger who unfortunately hasn't updated his web page since June 10. Perhaps an Argentina supporter, still in shock?

If you are a GTA (or even Canadian) blogger of Bengali origin, and you do maintain a blog, comment below and I will update the post. As a reminder, Blog Day is coming up shortly. Here's my Blog Day post from last year, and I plan to do a similar one this year.


Tags: Bengali Canadian GTA Bloggers

August Be Gone

August is always a depressing month for me.

I hate the fact that the summer is over. I hate the fact that everyone is going back to school, and even though they hate admitting it, they are looking forward to a change, a new beginning. I hate the fact I did not do much fishing this summer.

I ran into some desi guy on the tennis grounds a couple of weeks back. After Saturday's game a bunch of us went over to his place for some BBQ chicken and drinks (the non-alcoholic type). He was older, 33, and lived by himself. As I looked over at his various degrees framed on the wall of his study (he actually had a 'study room'), one thing struck me as I glanced over the MBA, the BBA, the BSc and the Project Management Certifications.

He was 33.

And single.

And the highlight of his day was tennis with a bunch of younger guys.

Yes, he was educated. Yes, he was making the big money, driving a BMW. But I did not want to be that guy. I could be him, that was depressing. But I would not want to be.

Rarely have I paused and taken stock of where I was heading. This was a sharp wakeup call. I have become used to coasting through the days.

The other thing that struck me over the weekend was one word. Family.

I know for me, family is paramount. These are people I take for granted, drop all pretense and they accept me for what I am. Even with close friends, if there are fights, disagreements or clashes, they can drift apart. Family is family. For me, family comes first.

How important is family in marriage? I have a few friends who married into families that were drastically different from their own. Some marriages have succeeded. Others have failed, or on the verge of failing. One thing I have noticed - if the families are too different (for example a conservative/modern clash, or rich/poor clash, or cultured/fobby) then the marriage has a (far) better chance of succeeding as long as the couple live by themselves.

That was the case with a friend of mine whose husband came from a far richer family. She had to live with the 'friendly' taunts, until she decided enough was enough and coaxed her husband to accept a job in a far away city. Their marriage is now far stronger and happy.

Growing up in a culture that has touted the values of arranged marriage with joint families, where family members strengthen each other through difficult times, this was indeed a troubling find.

Yet, there is no denying the fact that marriages are more often likely to succeed if the families are of similar stature, education or 'mindset' - the magic word. Does that mean that we throw out all those filmi stuff - such as love, honour and respect, along with all the religious stuff about moral values and religion being supreme, out of the window? Do people 'fall in love' anymore, or is it just a business? Tick some questions, answer some forms, and 'adjust'?

Looking forward to some answers. Cynicism, here I come.

Meanwhile, September, please be good.

Stop (Just) Reading The Quran

Another Ramadan is almost upon us (a month away). I have decided I am not going to strictly gun for a Quran Khatam any more.

Every Ramadan, I (and countless others in the world) will finish the Quran from Al Fatiha to An-Nas. If you were religious like my grandpa, finish it thrice. Maybe even more.

So last Ramadan, I was reading the Quran. I had been lazy during the first few days, so was catching up. All of a sudden, I just felt so frustrated. The words, the beautiful words, were not making any sense.

You see, I don't speak Arabic. People ask me why after having lived in the Middle East for 18 years I cannot speak Arabic. I tell them I can speak just enough to call a taxi but the thing is, you didn't need Arabic as a school kid. My Arabic classes were a joke (it's actually good blog fodder [word courtesy:Isheeta] but for another day). Most of the Arabic words I knew were swear words (courtesy my Arab 'friends' - the 'polite' words were to the tune of qalb, himmar ...).

So I am reading the Quran - I am just regurgitating the words. They make no sense to me. The Quran is a beautiful book - just listen to a good recitation and you will fall in love with the enchanting verses even if you don't know the meaning - but I have decided it has to make sense to me.

I told this to an uncle and he was like 'why? The Prophet said reading the Quran is reward itself'. I told him the Prophet was dealing with Arabs at first. Even then, when they didn't follow something, they would go to someone who did, right? Besides, the first page of the Quran tells you man is Khalifa or God's deputy on earth. How can we deputize for Someone if we don't understand what He told us? So last Ramadan, I decided come the next time, I am going to read the Quran with translation. It will go slow, so I might not finish the Book.

You would think this would be the sensible thing to do. I mean, it's not like I decided I am going to pray in Bengali from today.

But no - every friggin person is like -no way, you gotta finish the Book. It's not even an act of worship anymore - it's a ritual. For some people it has even become a badge of honour. 'I have finished it two times' 'oh really, my son just did his third khatam this week' and so on.

Well, here is another Ramadan. Once it starts, I decided the focus will not be so much as to finish the Book but to understand it. Atleast the first one-third. I have already discovered a word-for-word translation of Quran at emuslim.com. After all, can't let the Saudis have the all the fun of being the 'interpreters' of the Book, eh? They sure made a mess of it so far.

A sign I once saw at a mosque made perfect sense. It read:

STOP READING THE QURAN ...

... like a parrot.
Read it with meaning at [name of institution here]

Tags: Quran

The F Word

I was on the bus, on my way back from work. As I stood clutching the handrail, keeping my eyes sharp for any seated passenger making a motion to get up (and thus provide me a seat), one guy standing next to me took out his cellphone, punched a number in and started to talk.

Well, jovial yell would be more like it. What is it with people on buses on their cellphones? Do they think the guy on the other end has developed a sudden temporary hard-of-hearing disease?

However, rather than his volume, it was his conversation that was most interesting.

"Dude, it was f***ing awesome. We went to the f***ing place at f***ing 7 and it was f***ing packed!. The f***ing parking was near f***ing full. We had to f***ing on the f***ing roof. Ya man! But I tell you - the f***ing concert? F***ing awesome!"

I gather he was talking about some concert he had attended recently. But what's with the f-word?

Listening to this guy go on, using the f-word in between every other word, I got giddy. This guy took swearing to an art form.

The f-word as a verb 'I don't give a f*** to what she thought!', adverb 'that is so unf***ing believable!' to an interjection (I had to look that up) 'F***! That was my stop!'

He got my award for using the f-word in as many versatile ways in one conversation as possible. I just have one question for these types of guys though.

Why do you f***ing do it? Do you think it makes you more macho? Do you think it makes you more attractive to women [if your taste is drunk gothic biker chicks I can understand]? Or, do you think it makes you more 'Canadian'?

'Coz when South Asian guys do it [that's right, the guy was brown] it just looks wrong.

Tags: Swearing

It Is A Matter Of Honour

It is a matter of honour.

Rarely does the materialistic world of the today understand what honour and pride means to those who originally hail from the east. Our intent to 'save face' at all costs has governed our behaviour and psyche for the last few millennia and it will not change. We have at times behaved irrationally, but yesterday's protest by the Pakistan cricket team and captain Inzamam was on the money. Had I been in Inzamam's shoes, I would have done the same.

To those who missed the action, here is what happened.

Around the 56^th over of England's innings, umpire Darrell Hair of Australia accused the Pakistan team of tampering the ball [1435 BST]. Without any warning, he ordered the ball changed, and awarded 5 penalty runs to England. This was tantamount to accusing Pakistan of cheating, without giving them an option to appeal or present their case. Inzamam was furious, but the game continued - for a while.

During tea-break, commentators Nasser Hussain [source: Guardian] exclaimed that had he been in Inzamam's shoes, he would refuse to come out to resume the game in protest. And lo and behold, that's what transpired to occur.

Pakistan refused to take the field and chaos ensued. Botham and Hussain backed the visiting team's sit-in. Rameez Raja was furious at the umpire, and rightly so. None of the 26 cameras that Sky TV had trained on the ground showed any evidence to support the umpire. You cannot scratch an itch on the cricket ground without it being captured on some camera, so it is highly suspicious someone could lift the seam off the ball or scruff it up without being caught.

As the game descended into anarchy, what happened next is a matter of conjecture, but it appears that Hair subsequently behaved rudely in the Pakistan dressing room, and acted prematurely to conclude the match was forfeited. Even when the Pakistan team mollified their original stance and were ready to resume play, the umpires didn't take to the field. This was not the first time Hair had been involved with Asian teams [bbc], being accused of bias [cricinfo].

Now everyone from former cricketers [rashid, imran] to the media to the President of Pakistan has become involved.

Then we have people like Agnew suggesting other ways to protest [bbc]. He says 'to issue a strong denial at tea time, in which they also promised to appeal, and get on with the game'. I say bollocks.

At the end of the day, the official conducting the game accuses you of cheating. Do you still continue to play? No, you don't if you are a man. It is a matter of honour.

"This game is about more than winning and losing. It's about respect and countries come first. If someone says to me you are a cheat and Pakistan is doing wrong things, my first priority is to my country." [Inzamam]

What is Pakistan was guilty? If it turns out in the end a player was guilty and the captain, honestly believing his player's words, risked his career and the match for a liar and a cheat, I pity the poor fool. He will not be able to live in Pakistan.

Tags: Pakistan Cricket Darrell Hair

The Car That Wasn't

Went to play soccer and managed to twist my knee awkwardly. Now cannot go to the gym or play soccer for two weeks. Sucks - just like some character in a recent movie I saw.

The guy at work who's responsible for all our million dollar equipment and hardware (I am more of the software guy) went to Jamaica on vacation. Before he left, he went over all the various server, network and database configurations with me.

"Has any of this ever failed?" I asked him tentatively, as I took in all this megachunk of information.

"Well, ma'an!" He shrugged dismissively, "we've been running these for years and nothing's failed."

You know what's coming, don't you?

I had a list of scenarios with me. If this fails, do this. If that fails do that. Then he had outlined what he called the "Worst Case Scenario". This, he claimed, would NEVER occur.

Well, the first day some glitch occured and I had to reboot one server. This produced a groan from the tech guys. Apparently the server had been running continuously for 5 years 3 months and 21 days. Apparently, that is important.

The second day I got to work the "Worst Case Scenario" nearly occured. I would badger that Tueday was my most religious day at work, ever. I don't think anyone has ever programmed a configuration file in hex to the sound of 'Bismillah' before. Thankfully it worked. One more day.

To take my mind off the computer glitches I went to Kensington Market. There, right in the back of the market, was this.




It seemed to grow weeds - and I don't mean the one you pull out of your lawn. Given that this was Kensington Market I wouldn't be surprised.




I asked one of the guys nearby and he said they take old cars and turn then into nurseries, after emptying it of parts that can be sold to the junkyard.




I think I know what I can do with some old servers from work ...

Why KANK Is Scary For Marriage

I continue my KANK hangover. This post may contain spoilers, the previous post didn't.


"KANK has messed up a lot of people man."

"When I get married, I am going to implant a GPS locator in my wife's body ..."

"This movie is so retarded. Why would anyone not like Aby baby?" [this from a girl, ofcourse]

Even after a couple of days from watching the movie, people are still discussing the topic of infidelity brought up by the movie. This movie is so scary in many ways.

I can empathise with Abhishek. For example that I could imagine myself to be a sweet romantic who will not hesitate to decorate a room with flowers to just surprise his wife. OK, maybe not that much flowers but I did watch a lot of Hindi movies. Atleast I am willing to try.

And then along comes a Shah Rukh Khan. Bitter, angry at the world and rude to his acquaintances. And suddenly, that is more than enough than diamonds and flowers. And love. Something about bad boys.

Then again, I can also see myself through Shah Rukh's eyes. As the typical desi dude, you grow up with 'family first' as your mantra. You make compromises in your dreams and ambitions for the sake of your family. You give up dreams of shacking it up with a gorgeous ex-supermodel to live life blissfully in an arranged marriage to a 'good' girl chosen by - who else - your family. And then, after a life full of adjustments, you meet a Rani. She is incapable of bearing a child, has numerous flaws, and yet, she captivates you. Do you break?

What about Preity? Girls are taught nowadays to be independent, to graduate from universities and hold a job, for then their husbands cannot abuse them as they are not financially dependent on them. Then, once they get married, should they tone down their ambitions? Desi guys, for all their open mindedness, still like their wives to greet them with a cup of tea when they come home [by the way I take two spoons of sugar, thank you].

Preity's character could easily belong to a guy who works hard to improve his life and give his wife the riches that she longs for - but when he can buy the luxuries his wife has grown distant as he wasn't there for her when she wanted just him.

I could dismiss the movie if I did not see examples of the characters in real life. Most marriages I see are happy, long term marriages. Yet, some marriages I know are facades. The couple seem happy, but it's a compromise. They have shut down their dreams, accepted the cards fate dealt them and kept all their emotions and broken ambitions bottled inside. The question is, for how long? There are marriages that have broken apart or where the couple are just living out their empty existence.

One line from KANK was telling. When Rani asks SRK about finding love after marriage - SRK replies "if you don't look for it, you won't find it." Is this true? Or is what Amitabh tells you that is true - "You never know when love or death will come for you."

What about the movie in light of Islamic practices?

For example, a religiously oriented dude I know (who still saw the movie) told me it cannot happen if you follow religion properly. For example, SRK and Rani would never have gotten close had they not met up regularly. You just don't meet up with another man's wife on a regular basis without her husband being present. Moreover, as a wife (Preity) you are supposed to take care of your family and put family first. As a husband (SRK) you are supposed to not be jealous of your wife's success, to spend time with your family and behave in a polite manner to your kids. As a wife (Rani) you are not to refuse your husband in bed.

The problem is - no one follows these laws religiously. Life is a compromise. You have to deal with other women. You have to meet with other men. You have to be able to know how to deal with them. You do get cranky, you may need to sacrifice time with family for more money as you have other financial obligations. You will get jealous if your wife earns more than you.

Moreover, all comparisons fall apart with Abhishek. He followed all the rules. He loved his wife, was willing to spend money and time on her and did not dwell on her flaws. And yet, he was the loser. So can one blame Rani for all the subsequent actions of everyone?

I guess in the end, life will always be full of temptations. You are not to curb them but control them. The question is - you need to find the other half that is willing to do the same. Otherwise, Sometimes Alvida Kehna.

Tags: Bollywood Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

No spoilers (beyond what you should already know).

I saw Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (KANK) over the weekend. A quick verdict would be - good (4 out of 5). You should go see it - but not with your family - which is not typical for a Karan Johar movie. I don't even know if it's a date movie. Incredulous though it sounds, this could be a good guy movie minus the action. The film raises certain bold and controversial issues. Definitely avoid the movie as a peace offering to your wife if you two had a fight.

Yes, it's a Bollywood movie. There will be nonsense things (such as the NEW YORK station being empty of people except for our actors).

The lineups were huge. One of us went to buy our tickets at 10 in the morning for the 6.30 show. When we arrived for the show (at 5.30 @ Albion) most of the theatre was full. The whole day was sold out.

The last film that I saw which broke away from tradition was Salaam Namaste, which dealt with premarital sex and children out of wedlock. KANK looks at an adulterous extra-marital affair. It is also scary. Most girls would (I guess) love the attention and gifts showered by this dude:




Yet, just not his wife. And Rani made it feel so natural too.

This is not Shah Rukh Khan's best work. He hams a lot.

Priety Zinta and Abhishek Bachchan acted very, very well.

It has become fashionable amongst certain circles to scoff at any Bollywood movie, especially big ones. While that may work for a piece of trash such as Veer Zara, it does not hold water for KANK. It's a difficult, scary, funny and examining movie.

If you are into amateur photography, the cinematography will blow you away. The song "Tumhi Dekhona" was outstanding.


SRK and Rani in a sleek orange sari complementing the colours of the fall behind them.

On the whole, don't go with your family. Go with your friends. Don't wait for the DVD. Buy your tickets early.

Tags: Bollywood Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna

The "I Am Canadian" Lady

Yesterday at a tech conference I 'met' this lady. It was break time (in between speakers) and I grabbed a light snack from the cafeteria and sat down at a table. The place soon grew busy, and before long, someone approached my table, pointed to the empty chair opposite mine and asked, "Is this taken?"

I said "No" and looked up. She was a South Asian lady, quite older, clutching a few tech magazines in one hand and a muffin in the other. She mouthed 'thanks' and sat down. I went back to my sandwich.

"Are you Indian?" The relative silence of the table was suddenly broken.

"Bangladeshi", I replied.

"Oh I thought so," She gushed in Bengali. "I am from Bangladesh too! Hi!"

"Um, Hi." I politely replied to her in between mouthfuls. Atleast she wasn't going to start breastfeeding a toddler any time soon. Suddenly, she asked me what I thought about the last speaker.

"He was good," I answered, "though honestly I found his accent a bit too hard to follow."

"That's the problem with this country." She announced suddenly. "Too much diversity."

"I beg your pardon?" [yes I really said those words]

She continued, "This country's major problem is multiculturalism. You see, we have too much people here from too many places in the world. There's no Canada anymore, it's time we recognize multiculturalism is a dirty word. What is Canadian culture is now being demoted. What is a Canadian dress? What is Canadian cruisine?"

Oh boy. A brown female skinhead.

"When I came to this country in 1980," she continued, "you could count the number of immigrants on one hand. Now you can smell curry from across the street! The immigrants are taking over."

I told her, politely, that I disagree and wanted to finish my meal. She wasn't deterred.

"You see, if a black person wants to open a Black Cultural Association in a college he is welcome to do so. If a white person wants to open a White Students Association he will be termed a racist. The college won't allow him to do so."

I told her it depended on the person's intentions - besides there is a thing in North America called 'black culture' but there is no unified 'white culture' - white people came from many cultures - but she was not to be denied.

"I even wrote an essay on this." She told me. Oh great - I began to feel really pissed off - all I wanted was to eat my over-priced-tuna-coz-all-else-was-bacon sandwich in peace. And then I allow someone to sit at my table. Someone who is probably here in Canada due to multiculturalism denouncing that fact. And now she was giving me the url of where I could find her 'essay'.

"We should all promote Canadian culture. We shouldn't celebrate different clothes that people wear as if it's a good thing. If the school wants to stop me from wearing a turban or a hijab what's the harm. I am in Canada. Let's be Canadian."

I have heard enough.

"Maybe," I quietly replied, "being Canadian means being multicultural. When we celebrate multiculturalism, we celebrate being Canadian. When we are tolerant of other cultures, it's because tolerance is a Canadian value. And when we allow the person the freedom to wear a turban or a hijab, and the freedom not to, it's because that freedom is part of being a Canadian."

I finished my sandwich in silence.

Tags: Multiculturalism

Minebuster @ Wonderland

Along with some cousins and friends, went up the Minebuster ride on Canada's Wonderland with a handheld camera. After waiting what seemed like eons, we sat in the front seat.

Ride Operator [a 18-something girl]: You are not allowed to operate a camera like that on the ride.

Cousin [ever the flirt]: Why don't you take her video? She has a beautiful smile.

I turned the video camera to her. She did'nt notice that I was NOT recording yet. She gave the most dazzling smile and said "Ok but if you lose it, it's your fault."

Since it was my cousin's camera I just nodded ok. We went up.



The camera stored the movie into two parts. I wanted to upload part 2, which contained reactions of the various people on the ride as I turned the camera back to them, but I don't think the females in our group would be too pleased to see their 'ooooh', 'aaaah' and 'holy f*** that was awesome' broadcast all over the net. So if anyone can recommend an easy movie editor for 'asf' movies email me so I can edit out some parts and the ride can be seen to its conclusion.

Oh, the clouds decided to block the sun just as we went up. Aaagh!

Tags: Wonderland Minebuster

Lameass Conversations of The Week

At a social:

Aunty: So, when are you getting married?

Me [with perfect straight face]: "October 7^th. It should say on the card... oh!" Then pretended as if I suddenly remembered why we had not sent her a card, and slowly backed away. The mortified aunty took ten minutes to clarify from mother that I was a pathological liar.

Chatting with a friend's wife:

Me: So are you guys going for the new SRK movie, Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna?

Her: Yes, but I am so conflicted, it has Rani Mukherjee in it. I hate Rani.

Me: Why?

Her: Well, she kept SRK away from Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

Me: You are so gay.

At the park:

I go to the tennis courts near my house. A sole Pakistani dude, slightly older looking, was practicing his serves there and soon we are engaged in a friendly match. After sometime, I decide to take a break.

I am sitting on a bench, catching my breath. A white woman comes near the bench with a stroller. The baby is one of the most beautiful, most cute, babies I have seen. I tell her so.

"Thanks," she replies, sitting down on the bench, taking out the baby and placing it on her lap. My opponent comes to fetch me for the next game.

While I am talking to her, she starts to breastfeed her little toddler - just as I am in the middle of a sentence, and the other player is just about to tell me to get back to the court. He ofcourse, without solicitation from my part, begins to tell me (in Urdu) why women who breastfeed in public should go to hell.

'dekh kitna besharmi se yeh ...blah blah blah' [all the while looking, ofcourse]

After debating whether I should tell him to clam up, or quote the law that says what she is doing is legal, or just point out that we are in Canada and it's no business of ours, I just get up and tell the lady, 'Nice to have met you, better get back to my game now'.

Without missing a beat the woman replies, in chaste Urdu: 'Aapse milker khushi huiyee. Allah Hafez'. (nice to have met you, God bless).

Regardless to say, the depth to which my tennis friend's jaw fell was a sight to behold.

Tags: Toronto Desi

Of "Islamic" Bikinis And World Peace ...

She is Miss Australia.

She is of Lebanese-Indian descent.

She is a contestant for Miss World in September.

She is Muslim.

As usual, certain people decided to protest that a Muslim should not participate in these 'degrading competitions' [link now broken], while others have held her as an example for all Muslim women to emulate (really!).

The Sydney Morning Herald wrote " ... 20-year-old Miss Houssami's achievement of becoming Australia's first contestant of Islamic and mixed cultural background - her mother is Indian and her father Lebanese."

Miss Houssami also hopes to dispel myths about Islam by competing. "Religion is something that is interpreted by the individual and I try to focus on the moral values of religion," she said. "I will wear a bikini but not a string bikini, so as long as it is not skimpy."

OK, now I have heard everything. Wearing bikini is OK but string bikini not OK because you are Muslim. Second by participating in the competition she single-handedly will dispel myths about Islam. I have heard of Miss World bringing world peace but this is quite something else.

Sabrina Houssami is free to parade in front of millions in a skimpy bra for all I care. Just leave the whole religion thing out of it.

PS. BTW here is Miss Canada.

Tags: Sabrina Houssami Miss World

Divine Help For Gym?

Do I have Divine Support with my new latest work out regime?

First, I get myself banned (I think) from my favourite lunch place. Well I went there for lunch and they made me wait for over 40 minutes. Like all I ordered was fried bass and tofu on rice with mixed veggies - so simple. So I walked out. Given that this is the same place I go to once a week (when I don't bring lunch leftovers from home) for the last five years, I could have been a bit more considerate. The deed's done now, and I am not going back there. Atleast for a year anyways. The Chinese have long memories.

Second, I just discovered that one of the benefits to having a mayor who is a socialist is that he believes constructing sports complexes (such as basketball courts) will keep certain kids out of trouble. So they made a huge sports complex near my place.

And no one seems to know anything about it.

There are three tennis courts. One ice hockey rink. One badminton court. All are usually empty when I go there with my neighbours. PERFECT.

Third, summer weekends would usually find me fishing rather than going to the gym. However I managed to damage my rod (that's fishing rod) rather badly last time. The reel is in a knot. It would take over 3 hours to fix that. I would rather spend a couple of hours on the treadmill rather than untying knots and screws. My dad won't fix the rod for me as he wants me to 'take my own responsibility'. I cannot bully my younger siblings ... as they are not that young anymore. So off to the gym on Saturday rather than Rice Lake.

Then again, a new bakery did open right on our street ... [project john abraham cancelled]

Who's Fooling Who

I am at this fantastic wedding of a friend. It's the most gorgeous wedding I have EVER attended. Honestly, they must have spent $15K (atleast). Chicken tikka was an appetizer, and there were fireworks at the reception of the bride - literally. Some big ministers were there. They had dance troupes from some South Asian fest, who danced Indian moves to Bengali music remixed with English - but I digress.

At one point, an aunty pulls me aside.

"See that girl?" She points out at some of the numerous girls.

I try to squint. You see, all your life in the middle east you are taught don't look at girls (or 'you will be in jail') and suddenly you come here and finish school and it's all people ask you to do ... looook at this girl, will you! So I look.

"Yes. Which one?"

"That one." She points to this girl who is not only fair-skinned, but has blue eyes, dark long hair, dressed fabulously in a gold embroidered sari - but I digress.

"How would she go with your friend A?" Aunty asks.

"Ah," Now it becomes clear. Aunty is bride-hunting for her poker-playing son who is too busy (probably hitting some bar downtown) to take in this sumptuous wedding. Aunty continues, "she is from a decent family [already researched], is fair [but ofcourse], looks shy and decent [she did] and it seems to me is very traditional and family minded. Shongsharik. Just perfect for my son."

Now let me paint a portrait of her son. His parents think he is Raj from DDLJ. Devoted to parents, moderately religious, has no bad habits etc. Meanwhile, the guy once told me if I spend Saturday night not at a bar hitting some chicks I was wasting my life.

So I agreed with aunty's assessment. The girl was indeed traditional looking, shy, demure, submissive etc. Then I went back to my table. And took out my cellphone.

A few days back, a friend K had sent me a picture of him and his girl friend at an event. He in t-shirt, shorts and his new Rayban; his girl friend in a low cut top and tight jeans. I took that picture out. They made a nice couple. Then I looked at the girl.

Yup, same girl. What's more in fact, I knew of the girl. Demure, traditional and shy, my foot. This aunty is going to be in for a shock. Then again, she was probably perfect for her son.

Tags: Desi Arranged Marriage

Why Guys May Think (Twice) Before Getting Married

I attended a friend's Gaye Holud ceremony recently, which is a type of Mehndi-type Bengali ceremony. It goes something like this. You sit the bride and groom (nowadays it's just one ceremony together), grab the largest sweets (I have a fascination with gulab jamuns) you see and stuff them into the guy's mouth. Then you grab this yellow powder thing (called Holud) and rub it on the bride's face. It's supposed to make her fairer.

Anyways, I was at the event, taking in the delightful madness of it all, the friends of the bride showing some slick dance moves (and I mean slick) when I started to notice things. As a blogger, sometimes you notice something and go 'oh that would be so blog-post-worthy and file it away under your things-to-blog category'. I don't know if you have ever done that; I have.

So here's what I notice. Uncles who have a reputation as a tough dude meekly holding their wife's purses while the aunties dab their noses with fake brand name makeup. Uncles timidly following their wives who weave through the crowd to greet various people, even though they would rather be sitting in the corner discussing Harper's latest mishap with other uncles.

Few men, though not as bad as the walkman-carrying-Chinese dude, were similarly emasculated. Now I have been told that this is not 'sissy behaviour' at all - it's nice and sweet and thoughtful and romantic. Interestingly these comments are from girls. I guess I have not yet met that person for whom I can stand in the rain holding a purse, so until then I would not understand this behaviour.

However, as I reflected on this, I remembered Nowal's post To be married or not to be...?. I have made some interesting (and extremely sexist) comments there, which I can now elaborate (all in the name of humour, ofcourse).

Why Guys May Think (Twice) Before Getting Married

No more impromptu poker night. Yes, T called after work suggesting it, but wifey called immediately ordering you to bring milk.

When going anywhere with your wife, add 2 hrs to the itinery. She takes 1 hr to get ready. Then you gotta drive 10 km below the speed limit, which is probably 40 km less than your normal driving speed. Finally, just before you pull into your destination, wife wants you to pause while she checks her make-up again.

Before you reach your destination, you have to stop and ask for directions (which you hate) because wife didn't copy them properly in the first place.

While your wife may want you to be fiscally smart, try the following explanation with her.

"Honey I spent $30 on the fishing license. There's 10 summer weekends I can go fishing, so every weekend I am not fishing I am losing $3. Do you want me to lose money? Um... Honey? Where are you going?"

No more msn ... or yahoo ... because wife will be staring over your shoulder every time you want to talk to barbie_007_4_u

[submitted by my friend who saw me making this list]my reason not to marry ... so that I can fart comfortably in my sleep

Your wife may not like the above friend coz he's like Duprey. Then he crashes over. And you got a problem.

In conclusion, life is unfair.

Tags: Desi Marriage

Homework

Homework, as far as I can remember, was a chore. During my formative years, I first attended a school started by expatriates in the middle east. The teachers were mostly housewives who may know something about the subject they were assigned to teach. Homework was a great way to cover up the fact that they didn't teach the assigned material in the class - rather we got it as 'homework' or 'self-study'. So they gave us lots of homework. Ironically, the good teachers felt so enthusiastic about their subjects that they felt we should spend more time on that, so they too gave us lots of homework. Given that 100% of the teachers were either very good or very bad, we were doomed.

As soon as the Maghreb azaan was heard, it was 'down to the study table you go'. Dip your fountain pain into this Pelican inkpot and start on page 5 of English For Today.

One mathematics teacher we had in Grade 5 was the ledgendary Mr A. For his class, we had two notebooks, called c/w (Classwork) and h/w (Homework). Every chapter in our book had 20 easy questions, and 40 hard ones. He would do 10 of the easy questions on the board. Then have the smartest guy in class do the next 10. The remaining 40 hard ones would be 'homework'.

He was directly responsible for the detriment of my handwriting, improvement of my speedwriting and numerical association skills. Since his class was just after the break (called tiffin) we would spend the break happily skipping lunch while finishingcopying our homework from T (the smartest guy in the class). Overtime, the copying would represent a work of art in progress. A would copy from B, changing the statements slightly. C would then copy from B, changing the changed statements slightly. By the time Z copied from Y who had copied from X, the final copied answer differed so greatly from A that it was its own answer. Such, um, teamwork were later proved to be lifesaving during university days.

A: Let x be the number of apples in the cart.
B: Let y be the number of apples in the cart.
C: m is the number of apples in the cart.
D: n is the # of Apples.
E: a = # apples.
F: a = apples in cart (no.)
...
...
Z: refer to qn 1 where # of apples in cart is unknown, let this value be x.

Ah, school. Why the sudden nostalgia, you ask.

I was at my friend's place, and just overheard his 12-year-old brother talk to his classmate on the phone.

"Yo, Haseeb, you got the answers to no. 6? Good, come online and I will get them from you on MSN."

Kids nowadays.

Tags: Toronto Homework

Hanging Lecture Halls

Recently I had the chance to visit one of the new construction projects at the University of Toronto for work. They had a new building, the Leslie Dan Pharmacy building that had an interesting concept - lecture halls 'suspended' from inside the building's atrium.


The 'hanging' lecture halls.


Entrance to one such 'hall'.


Inside a lecture hall.


The upper deck of the 'hall'.


Do you know why there are raised grooves here? It's to prevent skateboarders from plying their trade on the name stone.


The nearby students' office, with the roof's dome retouched for the World Cup.

Tags: Toronto

Bengali Woman Power

Maybe those uncles who praise girls back home are on to something after all.

Brave wife 'fends off' big tiger

Wow.

Tags: Bangladesh

The Man On The Subway

Heading home on the subway around 10 pm last night, lost in depressed thoughts of my adopted team (France) losing after playing some attractive football, and my favourite player Zidane deciding to use his head - literally - I noticed a Chinese couple sitting on the seats opposite me. As multitudes of Italian fans in various states of drunkenness came on board, I observed the Chinese couple. There was something strange, what was it?

Then I noticed it.

Headphones plugged the girl's ears, as she closed her eyes and swayed to the music. The headphone cables ran from her ear, onto a black ipod - which was in the guy's hands.

Yes, while the girl sat and listened to her music, hands crossed across her lap, her boyfriend/husband dutifully held the mp3 player aloft for her. At one point, the girl opened her eyes and mouthed something in Chinese to her man. He obediently pressed a button to skip ahead to the next song.

Now Zidane, when someone allegedly insulted his mom, did the manly thing and, um, headbutted the guy. Would have been better had he paused and scored a winning goal, but now people can get the Zidane/head puns rolling (I can't think of any from the top of my head but ... ). This Chinese dude, man, you are a kalank to men everywhere. ;-)

Tags: Toronto TTC Men Relations

Take My Car, Please

An inattentive driver recently clipped my mirror while cutting in front of me recklessly, resulting in a needless hassle of going through insurance to get that fixed. It was due to this reason that I found myself on Tuesday morning talking to a car rental agency.

"Yes," the polite agent confirmed my insurance has paid for my rental. "Which car would you like, sir? I can get you another Altima, that's what you drive."

"Oh no." I rejected the proposal. "I am in the mood to try something else for a while."

After refusing a Ford Taurus and a Pontiac G6 I finally settled for the Impala. It was a newly redesigned car, I had heard some good stuff about it, and wanted to test it.

"Don't we all," A friend who overheard the conversation butted in.

"Huh?"

"Well, trying something new." He replied. "We all need to do that sometimes. I wish I could say that about my marriage. Haha."

Living in Canada, one thing that I still find myself getting used to is the casual way some men joke about their wife's infidelity. Their wives aren't really unfaithful, the men just joke about it.

For example, another acquaintance one remarked how tall his kids were.

"It's good 'coz I'm not that tall." He reflected. "Maybe the postman was. Haha."

Or, once another friend got flowers from his wife sent to his workplace on his birthday: "My wife sent me flowers. Knowing my wife she probably got a discount because she ordered in bulk. Haha."

Again, followed by laughter from the general audience, and a very bemused moi. This is ofcourse so wrong according to our cultural point of view, but then again, so is talking in the washroom and they do it all the time too.

As for now, I am enjoying my new ride, but can't wait for my car to get back from the shop. Somethings I like to go steady with.

World Cup

Well, I really got close with these predictions. I have decided I am NOT going to make any Final predictions.

So far, I always had ONE wrong prediction, while over 50% of the predictions were correct. Well, now, there is only ONE match left, and I don't want to jinx it either way. Yes, the World Cup final result DOES depend on this blog and what I post in it.

Tags: Car Wife FIFA World Cup

World Cup Predictions - 4

So England lost. My predictions about an English victory was a bit hopeful, but I felt England played very well yesterday. I have no complaints about the referee, but Portugal is a very tricky team. They riled up the Dutch (another good team) by making them lose their composure, plus they dove and pretended to be fouled, and yesterday they did this to the English hotheaded forward Rooney. As an English supporter I have no complaints about the red card, but do I hate Cristiano Ronaldo. Girls ofcourse like him. I think he looks gay, though not as gay as Sorin of Argentina.

However, the fact that Brazil lost almost (almost!) made up for England losing out (pre-emptive apologies to Aisha, Bengali Fob for the gloating to follow). Even an England supporter like me will agree that England is over-hyped and may lack a certain quality to make it a truly top side. I did not see them going past semis. Brazilian fans harbour no such confessions however. In their mind:

1. Brazil is the best team. No one plays more attractive soccer than Brazil.
   
2. Brazil never engages in dirty tactics like clutching shirts, diving or crying.
   
3. Brazil's stars are the most artistic (such as Ronaldinho).
   
4. All they need to do is turn up. The rest of us should just hand them the trophy and go home.
   
5. Brazil deserves an automatic berth at the final.
   
6. Football loses its lustre if Brazil is not in the game.

Well, yesterday I was happy (read ecstatic) that ALL OF THE ABOVE were proved wrong. There was only one team in the match and it was France. There was only one team playing attractive, attacking football and it was France. There was only one artist on the pitch and it was Zidane of France. I felt like the Arabic commentator and wanted to yell "Zidane! Zidane! ZIDAAAAAANE!"

I wonder who 99% of Bangladesh is going to support, now that Argentina and Brazil is out of the cup.

Having gotten that gloating out of my system, the semi finals are now too close to call.

Germany vs. Italy
This German side lacks a certain quality. The team is playing well, boosted by home support and is the most prolific team left in terms of goal scoring. However, Italy has only allowed one goal in (that too an own goal). Their defence is much more organized (and better) than the Germans and they are a truly punch and counter-punch team.

The key I feel will be the German defence. If they can avoid getting rattled, stay organized even when Klose and Co. go forward, and prevent Italy in the final third, Germany will win the game. The advantage for Germany are obviously the home support, German efficiency and organization, as well as their attacking flair. If you are attacking (Germany) and the other team defending (Italy) you are more likely to score a goal if you defence can nullify counter attacks.
Winner: Germany (perhaps penalties).

France vs. Portugal
Boy, no one saw this semi final! And are these teams evenly matched. Portugal has a coach who has never lost a World Cup match in charge, their players are all in form and good on attack (and Deco is back) while France as a team are in the form of their life. I have said before that if France plays like they played against Spain, they will beat Brazil. The question is whether they can sustain it for a third match, as the pace is no doubt tiring.

I feel the French do not have to play in such an attacking manner anymore. Portugal struggles to break down a good defence. They could not get past a tight Greek defence in the Euro 2004 final. They struggled against Iran for the first half until the Persians slacked off. They could not get past a ten-man England. Therefore the French will have to shut down the flanks, concentrate on not giving up the ball (unlike England) and play a much more possessive game than usual. Can they do it? Yes.
Winner: France.

Tags: FIFA World Cup

Superman Returns Sucks

Superman Returns Sucks.

If you are a girl you might like the movie. If I want to see a 3 hour borefest where the hero can punch up 10 people at the same time while having love troubles with his girl friend who is engaged to some else and have issues with his father at the same time, I would rather watch a Bollywood movie.

The movie is named 'Superman Returns'. It should have been renamed 'The Man Who Spies On Lois Lane And Imagines Her Naked With His X-Ray Vision Returns'. The story is littered with logical flaws. The cape is not red - it is purple. The blue is not the sky blue we grew up with, it's dark indigo. I could go on and on.

The reason I said girls might like it is because the whole frigging movie has only ONE action scene. The plane one. That's it. The rest are crap. It's more about *guys make a face here* love and feeeeeelings.

Do I (A Superman) Love Lois Lane?
Does She Love Me (remember: I am Superman)?
Why The Hell Does Lois Lane Have a 1930s Hairstyle in 2006?

Oh, and if you want a Pulitzer Prize, appararently all you have to do is trash your boyfriend in your local newspaper after a bad breakup.

Anyways, I am done ranting. I know people will watch the movie regardless, but if you want to save yourself some grief and a few hours of expensive sleeping, go watch Krrish instead.

Tags: Superman Returns

World Cup Predictions - 3

So, 5 teams from my original picks for the quarter-finals made it through. I must say Fayyad was right when he said experience matters. In Holland's case they were a young an inexperienced team to Portugal's Golden Generation, and it showed. The Portuguese were successful in ragging the Dutch and making them lose their composure.

France! France! From my childhood I remember Arabic football commentary where they would go "GOOOOOOOAAAAAL" and repeat it ten times - when the player went near the net (forget scoring the goal) - followed by 'Halwa! Halwa! Halwa!'. Except when France played, they would scream Zidane instead of 'GOAL'. Well yesterday, the French showed the value of experience and history. Spain has never defeated France at a competitive match and it showed. This is why when you have a close cricket ODI game between Australia and England, bet on Australia. When you have penalty kicks between Germany and England, bet on Germany. When you have a close cricket game between South Africa and Australia, DON'T bet on South Africa. History, experience matters. They will show a trend and the same team winning.

So, without any further ado, here are my quarter final predictions.

Germany vs. Argentina
Both have scored lots of goals, but Germany scored them against various teams while Argentina mostly against one. Germany has no wonder goals while Argentina a half a dozen. German defence is organized but weak while Argentina attack is strong. Germany is playing at home and looks better with each outing. Argentina looks jaded. The Mexican game was destined for penalty kicks until the miracle strike. At the end, German's home support and Klose will get them through.
Winner: Germany.

Italy vs. Ukraine
Italy has looked in form. Italy outplayed Australia being a man down. The so-called 'stubborn' Ukraine defence leaked 4 goals against Spain. Italy to take this low scoring snoozefest of a game. Ideally I would like to see both teams lose.
Winner: Italy.

England vs. Portugal
England has continued to play in an ugly but effective manner. Portugal will be muted slightly with the loss of Deco but they will take the challenge to England. However Beckham looks inspired and could be the difference.
Winner: England. *touch wood*

Brazil vs. France
I am going to go out on a limb here and predict a French victory. If they play anywhere close to how they played yesterday against Spain, Brazil is toast. They looked highly unimpressive against Ghana. One goal could have been offside, and had Ghana shown some ruthless finishing, we could have had a game.

And please, that 25-pass move that all Brazil fans are claiming outshone Argentina's 24-pass goal against Serbia? Pmffh! Argentina weaved their way through the Serbian defence in their opponent's half and scored while the game was still in balance. Brazil scored while the game was dead, they passed in their own half before using a lucky long ball.
Winner: France.

Tags: FIFA World Cup

The Italian Job

We were in a sports bar near work, during lunch hour, catching the Italy-Australia game. It was packed with supporters, mostly Italian, with a few Australian drinkers in between. I had an Inter-milan shirt on too. Even though I was supporting Italy, I also wanted to see goals, and even cheered whenever the 'Roos got a touch on the ball. Must have presented a confused sight to the other fans.

Suddenly, while it was still in the middle of the first half and the Azzuri owned the 'Roos, a man walked into the bar. This is not a joke. He was white, tall, extremely weird looking (like one of those Psycho movies), glasses, thin hair and sweating profusely (it was a cold day). He had a briefcase with him. He panted, walked up to an empty chair, placed the briefcase on the chair, and exited the bar without speaking a single word.

We all looked at one another in amazement. Then at the door where the man had just left. Slowly, everyone's attention drifted away from the screen and turned to the lone briefcase lying on the chair, unattended. Was it our imagination or was there a ticking sound from the briefcase. We all started to move uneasily. From somewhere a voice came out, "Um... call the cops?"

Suddenly, after what seemed like an eternity but was probably five minutes, the man returned. He had just gone out for a smoke! We all sheepishly turned back to the drama on the pitch. Recent arrests of alleged terrorists in your city does that to you.

When the officials called THREE minutes of stoppage time in the second half I just felt it. There was NO WAY the stoppage time could be that high (there were hardly any stops to the flow of the game in the half). Someone up there (in FIFA) decided to play it until one team *cough*Italy*cough* won.

When the ref called the penalty in the 94^th minute (remember THREE minutes of stoppage time?) it was all over for the 'Roos. The Italians may claim it was a penalty, but the rest of the world knows. At worst, the Aussie player could be called for obstruction which is AN INDIRECT FREEKICK and contrary to popular misconception CAN Be taken from inside the penalty box. While Italy was the better team it was sad that it took a referee's false call *eyebrows raised* to let them win 1-0 over the plucky Australians. Cheaters never prosper? Try telling that to the Italian team [secret training video].

So in the end my team won, but it was a dirty victory.

Tags: World Cup Italy Australia FIFA

Desis Rude?

We all tend to have a bit of laugh at ourselves time to time, but recently Mumbai was accused of being the rudest city on earth. While it's an Indian city and not a Bangladeshi one, I am entirely sure had Reader's Digest done the same survey in Dhaka we would have ranked alongside Mumbai. Same customs, similar people.

First, here's the survey. I do not agree with it at all, even though Toronto is 3^rd on the list of polite cities. It is the most bogus piece of trash I have read from that magazine. Here's why.

New York is ranked the most polite city on earth.

No matter how you try to spin that, it's plain wrong. There is no way NYC is the most polite city on earth. Hell, no. I am sorry for you if you live in New York. Really I am. I once asked a POLICE officer where the stadium was (we were on our way to a ball game). He looked at me, and said, "Well, as this sign here says in ENGLISH the stadium is this way..."

Toronto rules.

The criteria used was too Western. Naturally all the Western cities ranked up there (most polite) while Asian cities were rude. Let's see these 'criteria'.

- whether people opened doors for others in public buildings.

Do you know the population of any city in Asia? And how many of them are on their way to some public building at any given time? If you remain standing holding the door open for everyone you will never get in. Besides, those doors are of really old buildings and made of real wood, often years old. They are heavy. We push our own doors.

- whether they helped pick up papers dropped on a busy street.

Ever watched Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? Rani drops her books and SRK is right there to help her pick it up, along with his 'dosti' bracelet. Seriously, the definition of 'busy street' in Asia is different - it's really busy. As soon as you drop something, it's trampled by millions of people. So we don't drop it in the first place, and if we do, we don't pick it up as it's damaged beyond repair. No wonder we desis are efficient.

- whether a shopkeeper said "thank you" when a purchase - big or small - was made.

Well, the last time a few British came to India to do a little bit of trade. They came to Bengal too, under Robert Clive. Some company called the East India Trading Company. We said thank you. They liked it so much that they remained for 400 years. So we don't do it anymore.

Tags: Mumbai Rude Reader's Digest

BBC: Mumbai disputes 'rudest city' tag

World Cup Predictions - 2

Going back over the predictions I made at the start of the tournament, I managed to correctly pick out 13 of the 16 teams for the Round-of-16. Ivory Coast has been a disappointment - if only their defence had been a little bit more disciplined, if only one of their chances had gone in against Holland, then the final matches of Group C would have been crackers.

I am supporting England. I don't want Brazil to win it AGAIN. They are good but c'mon let someone else win. I hope Ghana kicks their ass (not happening). So without meeting any meaningful opposition Brazil are on their way to the quarter finals and possibly the semis.

The form teams of the tournament so far are Germany, Argentina (but ofcourse), Spain, Italy (tendency to sit on a 1-0 lead may haunt them), Portugal (good coach but not too great players) and Brazil. England has been stumbling while France does not deserve to be here. My underdog team that I am rooting for is Australia. Croatia-Australia was the match of the tournament so far.

So, without any further ado, here are my knockout predictions.

Germany vs. Sweden
Sweden will be a handful for Germany but I expect the home team to prevail. It will be low scoring hard fought match (two European teams generally play out in the midfield).
Winner: Germany.

Argentina vs. Mexico
Historically Argentina had trouble against American teams but I don't expect them to break too much sweat in dealing with Mexico. Mexico are vulnerable against pacy counter attacks (as they showed against Portugal) which Argentina are good at (as shown against Ivory Coast).
Winner: Argentina.

England vs. Ecuador
If Rio Ferdinand is fit then I expect England to canter to a 3-0 win over Ecuador. The South American team can be frustrated by an organized defence and lack the quality strikers to penetrate. If Ferdinand is not fit, England will still win, but barely.
Winner: England.

Portugal vs. Netherlands
Tough one to call. Portugal has Figo while Robben stars for the Dutch. Equally matched in almost every category, I would give the Portuguese the slightest edge, as they have Scolari, a great coach. Plus, if the match goes to penalty kicks, the Dutch don't have a good record of winning those.
Winner: Portugal.

Italy vs. Australia
Much as everyone would like the Aussies to take this one, with Gus being a great tactical coach, the Aussies have too many problems to finish off a stubborn side such as the Italians. They don't know who will be the starting goalie, for one. Two, the Italians are great at set pieces, and the Aussies not so great at defending them. Three, the Italians have too much depth, experience and talent to lose to Australia. However, if the Italians take an early 1-0 lead and then decide to sit back, the Aussies WILL equalize. The way to beat Australia is to play attacking football.
Winner: Italy.

Switzerland vs. Ukraine
The worst sides to qualify for the second round play against each other. Given that Ukraine struggled to break down the 10-men Tunisian defence whereas the Swiss honed their skills playing against France and Turkey through the qualifiers, I expect a Swiss victory.
Winner: Switzerland.

Brazil vs. Ghana
Wouldn't we all love David to kill the Goliath once more? Sadly, Brazil has too much class to let the Africans trouble them. Well Ghana, you had your fun, you managed to put a smile on some peoples' faces and had your party, but now it's time to take your ball and your Israel flags and go home.
Winner: Brazil (by a distance).

Spain vs. France
The eternal bridesmaid versus the once beautiful maiden now ugly old hag. Whoever scores first will win. I expect Spain to take this, but just. France is not out yet, their coach looks like he has learnt the lessons taught by Korea in the game against Togo. Then again, it was Togo.
Winner: Spain.

Tags: FIFA World Cup

World Cup Flags

I was with some friends at the mall when one bought an England flag to attach to his car.

"That's such a bad investment." Another remarked, "England will likely go out in the quarter finals and your flag will be useless. You'd better buy a Brazil or Argentina."

The flag buyer looked around, lowered his voice and said, "Whenever England gets out, I will return this flag and exchange it for the current favourite and continue. Repeat if necessary. Thank God for Walmart's no questions asked returns policy."

That's our desi way of jumping on the world cup bandwagon.

I have noticed that during the World Cup, the flag wavers tend to be of the following types:

- Casual fans: They like this one team. It could be their country of origin. They will buy this one flag. And when the team is out, the flag disappears for another four years.

- Super fans: They like this one team. A lot. The flags will fly from all windows, nooks and crannies of their car. In the heat of the summer they cannot roll down their windows for fear of losing a flag.




- Confused fan: Then there is the fan who does not know which team he will support. So he puts out multiple flags of various counties. Also known as the 'Hedging My Bets' fan.




And finally, we have the

- Proud-To-Be-Canadian fan: This dude is just mad that normally cool folks are flying flags of countries he has never heard of. Besides, the national sports of Canada is HOCKEY dammit, not soccer! So he first flies the flag of a Canadian hockey team. But we know they suck and will soon be out of the playoffs, so now this guy is left fighting a lone battle flying the Canada flag.

BTW there IS a desi player in the world cup! [link]

Tags: World Cup

The Home-Sweet-Home Syndrome

"You should go to Bangladesh and marry someone there," advised a rather pompous uncle. "Girls here are too modern."

An amazing comment to make, as he himself was the father of two girls, raising them here from a very early age. However, he was not alone in making that comment to me in recent times. Apparently, if I marry some girl who has been brought up in Canada or is living somewhere in the West, she would a) not cook for me b) not respect me at all as all girls living here are beyaadober haadi ('bone' of rudeness) c) will have had previous relationships and d) will never care for my parents.

However, if I marry someone from Bangladesh (desher meye) I gather she will a) be able to give the chef at Sheraton a good competition from the amount of dishes she can make, b) will never refuse my commands (a robot?) c) will be 'pure' and Islamic d) will never ever dream of having her own home and will be shocked if I suggest getting our own place e) can sing like a nightingale and f) be an angel from the Garden.

Now I have been to Bangladesh couple of years back, having returned after a long time, and I can tell you things are not the Bollywood rosy picture they are portrayed to be. Hell, if you watch the Indian teleserials the villain in most of them will be the wife of the second brother imported from Kanpur. I call this picture of an ideal Bangladesh where the people sleep on flower beds and wake up to a beautiful morning by the cry of the rooster the 'Home-Sweet-Home' syndrome. Reality could be VERY different.

I am making generalizations, true, but aren't these uncles as well? Have they ever been to some of the university hang-outs? Shopping malls? Moghul gardens? Many of my friends and relatives who are in Bangladesh, my age, have met their spouses not through arranged marriage but by themselves. In many cases, they have gone out together for years, engaged in various levels of physical intimacy before committing to marital vows. In many cases, it hadn't worked out and they had moved on to other people. In some respects, they are more modern than people here.

As always, there are no generalizations. There are quite a huge number of guys and girls in Bangladesh who still adhere to family and religious values and keep themselves chaste. However, the guarantee that some older folk here make, that you go to Bangladesh and whoever you marry will be a chaste virgin who has never talked to a guy and knows how to make roti, polao, gulab jamun, porota and manchurian chicken is ... wrong.

Tags: Bangladesh Desi

Shyamol Chhaya

I just finished watching the Bengali movie Shyamol Chhaya (2004), directed by Humayun Ahmed. To be frank, it was my dad who made me watch the movie (I owed him one after I made him watch Swades). I was expecting a sappy, bad effects movie but I was pleasantly surprised.

Ahmed uses the stories of the people on a boat, fleeing their village in 1971 for a safer village, as a parable for the society they are living in. Various characters are fleshed out in the 110 minute story, and the plot is littered with constant twists to ensure that any part does not drag too long. Competent acting by all concerned, and a brilliant entry in anyone's collection.

Shyamol Chhaya was Bangladesh's official submission to the 2006 Academy Awards. It also featured in the Palm Springs International Film Festival, as well as lots of others.


A scene from Shyamol Chhaya

Tags: Bangladesh Shyamol Chhaya

Aishwarya Rai

I am talking with a friend about worthless movies. She asked me about the worst movie I saw this year.

"Mistress of Spices," I reply. "The book was passable but the movie stank."

"Who's in it?" She asked.

"Aishwarya."

"Oh, hmmphhhpssst!"

The last word was a cross between an expression of disgust, the hiss of an angry snake, followed with an excessive spitting action.

I have come to realize that brown girls hate Aishwarya Rai. Not just hate as in "I hate Mondays" category, but as in "if I see her on the road in front of my car I won't stop" category. Nearly every acquaintance of mine who happens to be a desi female has expressed this sentiment. And it's not because she's pretty. Angelina Jolie's pretty, but women don't seem to hate her with the same passion as what is reserved for Aishwarya.

"You don't like Aishwarya?" I continue.

"She's a terrible actress." Strike 1.

"She's good looking," I counter. "Extremely beautiful. If there was perfect-"

"She's a dumb bimbo." Strike 2.

"That has nothing to do with her looks. She looks good."

"She is ...." My friend seemed to struggle to find Strike 3. "How can you even say she is pretty? Ugh.. you men are so superficial. Hmmphhhpssst!"

I cannot understand why the vitriol is directed at Aishwarya. Let's face it - she is a baaaad actress. As in bad with a capital B. She has made some terrible movies. Yet, she is not dumb. Any actress with movies of that success flop rate would have married and have had kids by now. Yet, she is at the forefront of public demand. Her bad performance on Letterman aside, she has brains.

No desi woman will however concede to a man that Aishwarya Rai is beautiful. Only one girl I know conceded she could be "aesthetically pleasing".

Is there some actor we guys like to hate? I have seen guys stand around while their wives/girlfriends would exclaim "Oh I have to see this movie. It has Shah Rukh in it. Oh he's every woman's dream!" And the guy would be like "Heh". And continue sipping his coke-that-he-pretends-is-alcohol. We don't care. We somehow have convinced ourselves that if Brad Pitt would step between us somehow we would have qualities that Mr Jolie would lack. There is this one guy, though, that bugs me.

Abhishek Bachchan. Two or three years ago the guy's fashion sense was a green kurta with blue jeans and orange shoes (think Tera Jadoo Chal Gaya). He did a guest appearance in Neal 'n' Nikky for chrissake! And now, the guy's star is higher than his dad, his films are super successful, he is signing endorsements right and left, and has the fashion sense Italians would kill for.

What gives?

Tags: Desi Bollywood Aishwarya Rai

World Cup Predictions

At the risk of ending up with egg on my face, here's my World Cup predictions.

First Round
Group A - Germany, Costa Rica.
Group B - England, Sweden.
Group C - Ivory Coast, Argentina.
Group D - Mexico, Portugal.
Group E - Czech Rep., Italy.
Group F - Brazil, Australia.
Group G - France, Switzerland.
Group H - Spain, Ukrain.

Round-of-16
Germany vs. Sweden - Germany.
Ivory Coast vs. Portugal - Ivory Coast.
England vs. Costa Rica - England.
Mexico vs. Argentina - Argentina.
Czech Rep. vs. Australia - Czech Rep.
France vs. Ukraine - France.
Brazil vs. Italy - Brazil.
Spain vs. Switzerland - Spain.

Quarter Finals
Germany vs. Ivory Coast - Germany.
Czech Rep. vs. France - Czech Rep.
England vs. Argentina - England.
Brazil vs. Spain - Brazil.

Semi Finals
Germany vs. Czech Rep. - Germany.
England vs. Brazil - Brazil.

3^rd Place
England vs. Czech Rep. - England.

FINAL
Germany vs. Brazil - GERMANY.

Tags: FIFA World Cup

Stephane Dion Interview

I had the chance to interview Hon. Stephane Dion, former Minister of Environment and currently a candidate running for the position of leader of the Liberal Party of Canada (and eventually the Prime Minister). The interview is posted here.

Tags: Stephane Dion Liberal Party Canada