Sunday, November 19, 2006

Things I Learnt From The Movie Vivah

My mom told me to watch this movie called Vivah because it is full of "cultural and traditional" values. How cool is that? I have a mom who tells me to watch movies. Then my dad told me not to waste too much time watching "that crap" and spend it wisely by either studying for my GRE or doing zikr. Hmm, studies, zikr or movie? In the end I decided Islam places a great importance on mother, so I obeyed her and watched the movie.

Apparently there are a few ground rules about desis that I was not aware of.

  • All small businesses will have an accountant, called munim, who will dress like this.

    Note the phone - and the film is set in modern times - the phone is connected to his table!

  • If you have a younger sister, you MUST name her Choti. That would be some unique name, eh? To join other unique names such Beta, Babu and Bade Sahab.

  • All families where an orphan is brought up will have an evil woman.

    Her reason for hating the orphan? She is fairer than her own daughter.

  • All Sardars are forever seemingly high on crack. They always smile with their arms locked in the bhangra position and start every sentance with 'Oye!'.

  • Only girls from towns with name like 'Behrapur' or 'Golapur' or 'Madhyapur' are good. Because naujawans from the city are losing faith in words such as 'prerna', 'shudhatya' and 'adrishta'.

  • If you are the head of a large corporation, you inform those who work under you, every one of them, of EVERY rishtaa, or proposal, that comes for your son.

  • "Girls in small towns are so good they don't even go to restaurants."

    The father tells this to the son, while seated at a restaurant.

  • You are left alone to talk with your prospect.

    You should always start with this speech "Hey I don't know what to say in this situation as we have to talk about our future life together but why don't I talk about my previous girlfriend who had 2 other boyfriends and then you tell me if you have any questions."

    After you say all this, the girl will be so enamored with you she will say 'yes' after just one meeting.

  • Good girls always keep their gazes lowered.

That movie was so corny, cheesy and bile-inducing with out-of-touch-with-reality. In short, your typical family-type Bollywood movie that your parents will love. Me? I am still trying get one Indian friend who can translate prerna for me.



Anonymous said...

haha especially at the accountant. I can't count the number of movies that have a scene like that.


mystic-soul said...

Good post !!...very good post...

My grandfather had same telephone purchased in (as you know cell phone is something invading our culture)

I can't stop laughing reading this line..."That movie was so corny, cheesy and bile-inducing with out-of-touch-with-reality."

bile-inducing..thats a good slang

saqi namah said...

The movie seems to be full of cliches. They should make a movie with a different story for a change. :)

Anonymous said...

nice post mez...i was contemplating on whether to go see vivah or not. I didnt go and see it though, but it depends on the reviews...Did you like the movie? Is it a typical Rajshri type movie like MPK, HSSH, HAHK, MPKDH?

And yea, prerna means "inspiration"


isheeta said...

LOL, sounds hilarious! Well, maybe more like CORNY ALERT AVOID AVOID ABORT ABORT!!!!!!

Is that the aone with Anrita Rao? I saw this way big poster of the movie in AMC the other day... I thought it didnt look bad, but I guess I was wrong. Let me know how "Bulbul" or "babloo" or something or the other is if you happen to catch it, Rani is there in that one!

Em said...

"that crap" -- I like your dad :)!

Behbood, you're back, yay! Looking forward to the comments witty enough to match Mezba's posts :)...

Suroor said...

Haha! This is so funny. I get all good flick gossip from you my trusted friend! This is so useful.

BTW, 'Prerna' refers to a 'muse', someone who inspires you to do something.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Em..I am trying hard to be a regular commentar on mezba's posts... :)

isheeta...the movie you are talking about is Baabul. There has been just too much hype about this movie just because of Senior Bachchan and Hema Malini... But its nowhere close to being a super movie.

The movie to watch would be DHOOM 2. Its releasing this friday :)


Anonymous said...

Hey,we still got that phone back at home. My mom says that she still likes it coz it rings so loudly and she wants to hear the phone ring even if she is at the 3rd floor.heheheh :)
I think I saw a song of that movie,am no desi,but I think it's muje haak he???

mezba said...

SH: true. And then there is the bawarchi (cook) called Ramu, the chaukidar guard called Bahadur...

Mystic Soul: lol at the telephone. My father is a little bit more modern. He just did not replace his cellphone for 10 years until just last month.

Saqi Namah: There's actually quite a lot of Hindi movies now that are different (most are copies of some Hollywood film).

The new Don was quite good actually. I watched it three times so far. It has so many layers, especially after you know the twist you can go back look for clues. Very non-cliche.

Behbood: It's hard to say whether Vivah was good or not. It was bile-inducing. I found the pace very lethargic. I took 10 days to watch it. Watch, stop coz it was getting slow, come back after 2 hrs or days, and so on. But it has some very, very good parts. Especially father's advice to son, daughter knowing values and so on. I would say its a movie for a date with a woman who likes these type of movies (yea very dr phillishly obvious statement).

Isheeta: Corny, cringe-worthy, cheesy, old school, jaw dropping in its backwardness at times.
Yet sometimes so true to the core in some teaching or dialogue and very ideallic.

Bottom line: out of touch with reality.

Baabul has two good songs - Come On (remix) and some other crap I listened to once and liked it but don't know the name. I don't think it will be a good movie.

Em: Thanks, I like my dad too. He is sometimes quite blunt in his accessment.

Ya, I am glad Behbood is back as well.

Suroor: I am glad to be of help. I would be very interested to know what you think of this movie. Please do watch it and tell me if it's a) good b) bile-inducing.

mezba said...

Isheeta: Yes it's the same movie with Amrita Rao. I actually thought the bhabi in this movie was more sexy in her first scene than the heroine!

Sf: yes, "muje haak he" is a song from that movie. it's actually quite hummable once you have seen the movie.

and ringing loud is precisely why we still havve an old cuckoo clock, you know exactly on the hour even if u r on the 3rd floor.

Maliha said...

Cute...I see nothing has changed since my yester-bollywood-watching years :)

neha vish said...

I am studying for the GRE too. I think I'll take your mom's words and watch the movie - Hinduism appears to place ample importance on Moms too.. heh! As for me - I am addicted to bad movies.

'liya said...

I don't know much about these movies, but I absolutely loved this line: "In the end I decided Islam places a great importance on mother, so I obeyed her and watched the movie."


isheeta said...

thats what it was ...baabul... i think i'll stick with just the music then!

hey, good luck with the GRE... I did it twice and wasnt happy with my marks, but im sure ull do way better!

Anonymous said...

One question: What's GRE?!

Anonymous said...

I'm stil gonna watch the movie cuz I have a feeling that I'm the Dr. Phillishly type of girl. I mean, I like Oprah?!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I LOVE Oprah!

Grafxgurl said...

sigh...another Indian movie that drives home everything that is nonoriginal....

why oh WHY cant they make something intelligent for once without going to extremes either way!??!!

impulsar said...

My parents liked the movie and called me to say I must watch it. Ofcourse, I went to the theatre and watched the new bond flick :)

Anonymous said...

Grafxfurl - If you are looking for a flawless film so far, then watch DON. The movie has been scripted and presented in an awesome manner. Its kind of like a hollywood flick (which makes sense).

impulsar - how's casino royale? Man, the new bond looks like a lizard. I am thinking about watching casino royale over the weekend..lets see....depends on the reviews :)


sapphire said...

man i m still fuming for watching it ...even my rant like post didnt help me get over it :)
but yeah its way out of sync with reality.

Sumera said...

I like over-cheesed movies like this. They're hilarious!

Manoj said...

Dear mezba,

I have got two words for ya..."you suck"

Had it been a bad, cheezy movie, it wouldn't have been a hit. Go brush up your knowledge about indian culture. and yes, almost all good girls lower their heads while they talk out of respect for the husband.

Seems like all the idiots have congreagated here! LOL

Anonymous said...

u got a great blog & as someone who watched Vivah and liked it, and being a small town migrant to a large city in india, i would like to comment on your post.
Yeah, i agree, to most people who live in cities & have no idea about what its like living in a typical small town in India,the movie might seem unreal,outdated and too traditional.But for those who have a little understanding of the system of arranged marriage- which still is, whether you agree or not, the norm in small town & rural India-the movie seems much more closer to reality than all the mushy college romances that bollywood keeps on churning out regularly.
Believe it or not, but the fact is, that the concept of dating & having a boyfriend/girlfriend is yet to penetrate the hinterlands of india & yes i am talking about 2006 not 1946. Even today at least 70% of marriages are arranged and within the same caste/community. So all the things that u have mocked at in your post, look much closer to reality as u step out of the metros in India.
I just wanted to express my views so that i could make u look at the story and movie from a different point of view & in no way intend to influence/change your views, of course its your blog and you can post whatever you feel like.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mezba. Firstly, my name is prerna and if u wanna know wat it means then ill tell you. It means inspiration- satisfied? Secondly, I really like this film and even though it can be cliche in parts its a family entertainer and just coz u dont like it doesnt mean that no-one else will either. If its not you type of film watch Dhoom 2, its the complete opposite. If you dont like that either then i really cant help you.

Anonymous said...

Dear ALL,

Watch this movie when you get married

Anonymous said...

How can you not like Vivah?
Just because the director is trying to give modernized or should i say westernized people you a lesson on what Indian culture really is and how its something really important that we should know it!

Anonymous said...

this is the funniest damn thing i've read in my entire life.

mezba said...

Maliha: No, no, a lot has changed. This is just an old school movie.

Neha: lol, join the club of addicted to bad movies.

Liya: ;-)

Isheeta: iA let's hope so.

Anon (1.48) GRE exams that you give before applying for graduate studies.

mezba said...

anon (1.49): This movie will Dr Phil a headache!

Grafxgurl: I know! This movie was so sugarcoated it will make you sick. It's like Pardes that says every NRI is a horny perverted bastard.

impulsar: Good choice.

Behbood: I liked the new Bond movie - it was very different and this guy could fight.

Sapphire: Maybe the director thought in an ideal world this would happen.

Sumera: They are great to watch when you are with a crowd of guys and you need a movie to make fun of.

mezba said...

Manoj: all good girls lower their heads while they talk out of respect for the husband.

Good grief. I pity your wife. She has my complete sympathy. Lot of cheezy movies in India are a hit. Don't call my readers idiots. This great culture that you seem to be so proud of, that has lot of values and whatever, does not seem to have taught you basic politeness.

mezba said...

Anon (3.04): I have nothing against arranged marriage or small town people. I understand where you are coming from and believe me if the movie was based on some semblance of reality (such as Hum Aapke Hain Koun was) I would not have minded it. But the language, and the manner of some of the situations, such as when the guy and girl first meet and how the guy talks about himself, is very unreal.

mezba said...

Oh, and anon (3.04): thanx for the comments about my blog.

Prerna (4.58): I don't need your help. This is my blog. I will diss movies I don't like here.

Anon (6:05): Maybe.

Anon (10.52): What exactly is Vivah's lesson? Please clarify.

Anon (12.42): Glad someone approves.

Anonymous said...

hey mezba,
my name's Ashish, & i m the same person(anon 3:04)who commented about arrange marriage,small town & Vivah being much closer to reality than you really think it is. I am writing this as a reply to your response to my first comment.Its a good thing that u r not opposed to the concept of arranged marriage. As for the language, go to any traditional hindu family in Mathura(which has been dubbed as Madhupur, in Vivah), near delhi & u will actually find real people who say 'jal' not 'paani' (which means water) who speak the hindi language as it is spoken in the movie. i'll tell u about my own experience, i had a classmate in my college from Kanpur(which is a town in Uttar Pradesh state of India), whenever he got a call from his parents he greeted them with 'Pranaam' which is the shuddha hindi(pure hindi) word for 'Namaste' which is more popular elsewhere and again just to make it clear i am talking about the present time, not 20,30 or 50 years ago.

Now i'll write my interpretation of the Prem & Poonam's first meeting scene that u have mentioned :
Well, if u approve of arranged marriage then u must be knowing that in 90% of arranged marriages the girl & the guy first meet/see each other in front of their respective families & then if both the families agree, they r given some time to talk to each other in solitude. Now i would like to question u, what would u ask/tell a girl in such a situation, given that she already has some info. abt ur background(like what r ur qualifications & what u do)?? i guess u would like to tell her more abt urself & ur past relationships(if any) & then offer her if she wants to know/ask anything, & that's precisely what Prem does in that scene.The fact that he doesn't hesitate to tell Poonam that he had a crush on a girl in his college but he never had the courage to talk to the girl, which is a very embarassing thing to say for any guy in such a situation.(After listening to this,most girls would consider Prem, a dumb & a loser but to Poonam it had a different meaning, to her its an act of decency, chastity & commitment towards traditions) This surely indicates that he doesnt want to hide anything from Poonam which makes Poonam believe that Prem is a really honest guy worthy of her trust & respect. That's why she doesn't ask any questions, says that she has got the answers to all her questions & later tells Chhoti that Prem is just like her Babuji(due to his simplicity & honesty).
And whether u believe it or not, such girls(guys & situations too) do exist in the present real world, at least in India or should i say 'only in India' & that's what the film shows. & by the way, if u didn't know, the song "Do Anjane Ajnabee" which is played in the background as Prem sees Poonam for the first time,is actually based on a real world Himachali(an indian dialect) folk song. waiting for ur response.

Anonymous said...

hey hey anishh.....errr looks like the movies really touched u been in such a situation before? .,.i mean the way u understood why poonam liked prem ... wah kya understanding hai re...;) .that also depends on how much ur a bollywood masala filmi fan ...huh...

n ya talkin abt being realistic

"such girls(guys & situations too) do exist in the present real world"

the point is that whats the ratio may be 3.25 in 10 coz sorry to say the guys gals these days are just tooo corrupted to be sooo damn pure..angel u agree its a bit too "out-of-touch-with-reality"......


Aparajita said...

i just saw one or two scenes while surfing channels and found it so intolerable...hats off to you that you actually saw the whole film...amrita rao and Shaheed are so unconvincing, fake...dialogues so ancient n corny...oh god i found it disgusting...

your post only confirms my analysis of the film...I am so glad I listened to my husband this time around and didn't drag him to the hal...iamgine wasting money on Vivah!!!

asikha said...

I loved it!

(vivah that is..)