Boston

This summer I had the opportunity to visit Boston. I had always wanted to see this city - one of the few American cities with actual history (the American Revolution originated in Boston in the 1770s). Our hotel was right downtown, and I found out that Boston is a very small, walkable city.

This was the Old Boston City Hall, one of the first buildings built in the USA in the French Second Empire style of architecture. Of course, it also housed a famous steak house (mmm ... steak!).

Boston has what is called the "Freedom Trail".

This is a red trail engraved (or marked) along the pavement that goes all around Boston and stops at each significant landmark connected to the American Revolution. So you can start anywhere on this trail and when you are done, you have walked around Boston and seen their most important sights. Highly useful for OCDC tourists like me!

Below is The Old South Meeting House (built 1729) that gained fame as the organizing point for the Boston Tea Party on December 16, 1773, and the Old State House, where the British massacred Americans (not quite the "special relationship" then).

The weather was great, and I walked over the Feneuil Hall and Quincy Market.

It did not feel like I was visiting New England, as famous for its cold winters as it is for seafood cuisine. The temperature was in the high 30s (celcius) and everyone was out in the street in the bare minimums. There were street performers and everyone was eating on the patios. I felt like I was in Los Angeles.

Boston also has the oldest restaurant in the United States - the Union Oyster House.

I loved it so much I went there twice during our stay.

Speaking about food, I had some of the best seafood dishes I have ever had in North America. As a Muslim, you have to be careful though - even though all seafood is allowed in Islam, in Boston what passes for seafood may not be seafood! For example I was surprised to find that the famous clam chowder (which you would think would have, oh I don't know, clam) contains pork. So I had the fish chowder instead. Shown below is my favourite - the shrimp and scallops at Union Oyster House, the soft shell crab at this place whose name I don't remember, and the tuna special at Legal Seafood.

 

Boston is also famous for two institutions of higher learning, the Massuchussets Institute of Technology (MIT) and Harvard.

 

I was really impressed with MIT. I visited their labs (everything is open and you can walk in anywhere) and their research looked like it was 20 years ahead of the rest of the world. Then I realized the high, high, high tuition amount kids at these institutions pay to attend.

I love cities with rivers in them - it adds to a dynamic and vibrant scene, especially in the summer.

Overall, Boston is one of those American cities with a lot of character. It's small enough to be cosy, yet offers a lot to do in 2-3 days.

Confessions of a New Parent

Things not to say to your wife when she is in a 20-hour labour:
"Oh, man, this hospital doesn't have wi-fi!"

"I have been standing for an hour! My feet are killing me."

Things a nurse shouldn't say to you just because you are desi:

"You have a beautiful baby. Namaste!" Namaste?!!!

Things then you should (probably) do in front of said nurse (but will end up doing in private):

Say the Azaan in the baby's right ear. Ikamah in the left. Watch baby smile.

The time when your baby looks like you:

The time when your relatives see the baby to when her relatives see the baby.

Things you miss as a new parent:

Free time.

Going to the movies.

Free time.

Coming home from work to a fresh home-cooked meal.

A clean house.

Free time.

Ability to go out at will without worrying about feeding time and nappies.

Did I mention free time?

Why it's all (and much, much, more) so worth it:

When his first word is "Abbu" (father)! Well, my wife thinks differently but this is my blog ...

Every day I thank Allah for His marvellous gift and blessing (amongst others).

And remember! Your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): “If you are grateful, I will add more (favors) unto you; But if you show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed.” (Quran 14:7)

We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him: So We gave him (the gifts), of Hearing and Sight. We showed him the Way: whether he be grateful or ungrateful (rests on his will). (Quran 76:2-3)

And He gives you all that you ask for. But if you count the favours of Allah, never will you be able to number them. Verily, man is generally most unjust and ungrateful. (Quran 14:34)

Please keep our new bundle of joy and our family in your prayers, everyone.

Where are the Girls in this Mosque?

I was shopping in another part of Toronto the other day, accompanied by my siblings, and it was time for the Maghreb prayer. There was a big mosque nearby and we drove there. There was one entrance called "Sisters' Entrance", my sister entered from there, while my brother and I walked around the mosque to enter via the main entrance - aka the "brother's entrance".

It was a very nice, huge, ornate, well designed mosque. It was also quite new; the mosque used to be two portables fitting around 40 people before, now this was a proper mosque accomodating thousands. The main prayers were over; so my brother and I prayed by ourselves. The main prayer hall was divided into two sections - a glass barrier separating the dimly lit "private" space from the main hall - this is where we prayed. The sisters' area was upstairs.
As we finished praying, I noticed there was a dars (a lesson) going on. I sat down and listened for a bit. The speaker was an old bearded man, he sat in the centre of the main hall surrounded by kids and adults, and he was speaking in flawless English. The topic of the speech was taking lessons from the life of the Prophets and applying it to modern times. As I listened, I realized the speaker was really good, and the speech was excellent. The kids listened with rapt attention.
And yet ... take a look at the picture below.

Everyone shown around the speaker is a male. The adults were male, the kids were male, and of course the speaker was male. Where are the females.
"Oh, they are upstairs, listening too," Answered someone, when I asked them. "We have speakers and close circuit TV."
This is the problem, the big problem, in today's Muslim organizations. If you take a look at this picure, there is a LOT of empty space behind the men, in the MAIN prayer hall. Why can't girls sit here, in close proximity to the speaker, so they can personally ask him questions, or be inspired in way that only a face-to-face conversation can? Sitting behind the men will satisfy any requirements that orthodox Muslims can throw at them, and not to mention, teaching women this way is actually a sunnah.
I remember going to these classes, sometimes as a kid, often as an adult, when a well known speaker would come to the mosque, and being inspired by the Islamic knowledge imparted. If my sister or wife would attend, sometimes I would wonder why they were not similarly impressed. Hard to be impressed when you are looking at a curtain, I think!
I was reading Cartoon Muhammad's article "The Need for Muslim Women Leaders". He is on the mark on how certain segments of the mosque community (let's be candid - it's the more "religious" folk) who construct barriers (literally and figuratively) against Muslim women speakers.
However, the problem that I saw in this mosque, in this dars, prevent women from seeking knowledge in the first place. Muslim Student Associations all across Canada talk about Israel Apartheid, but we have to be honest and admit there remains an Apartheid system in many of our mosques that discriminate against half our community - the girls.
Contrast this to the times of Caliph Umar (the Caliph of the Muslim empire!) being corrected by a woman during a Friday Khutbah! Or even contrast this with the Sayeda Khadija Centre in Mississauga, Ontario. When I was there, the first few rows were occupied by men, and the next few rows were occupied by women. Sisters conversed with the imam (who was standing, in person, a mere 50 feet away from them). And this was no progressive "flaky" imam, this was Imam Hamid Slimi who also teaches at the prestigious Islamic Institute of Toronto.
If you are a woman, which mosque would you go to?

Why I Prefer Chinese Restaurants over Pakistani

In Toronto we are blessed to have such high quality Pakistani and Chinese restaurants, that too halal, in a major Western city. Over the last few years though, I find myself saying "Chinese" whenever someone asks my vote for a restaurant to go to. The other day I was at a Pakistani restaurant, and I found myself (much to The Wife's chagrin) mentally composing a blog post on why Pakistani restaurants suck and why Chinese restaurants rule.

Here's the top three reasons:

1. Where's the beef (or chicken, or lamb)?

I was at this Pakistani place and we ordered 'butter chicken'.


The dish cost something like $8 and there was 4 pieces of small boneless chicken in it, and the rest was the gravy. Yes, four. So, in essence, I paid $2 for each nugget-sized chicken piece.

Now compare this to what you get when you order a chilli chicken dish (around the same price - $8).



Not only do you get ALL THAT chicken, but most of the time they also give you a plate of rice to go with it!

2. No Tension Eating

The acute problem of portion sizes makes itself keenly felt when you are eating at a Pakistani restaurant. At one corner of your mind, you have to remind yourself that you have approximately x² area of naan left. This has to go with y³ volume of butter chicken gravy remaining, divided by z number of people, so eat accordingly.

At a Chinese restaurant, you just eat. There's enough for everyone. Hell, there's enough for everyone PLUS you get to take some home AND have it for lunch at work the next day.

3. Chinese food is something different.

You see this food?


I have no idea what this is, but I know it's halal, and tasty. Pakistani food, well, while exotic, it's something I can make at home.

Yes, the taste may not exactly be the same, but Shaan Masala Zindabad. With that, you can make ANY thing. Chinese food, no matter how much you try, is good only in the restaurant. Plus, I did try to make chilli chicken at home once. It costs more to buy the meat and ingredients and factor in my labour cost than to just drive to the restaurant and order a take out (the concerns that raises might be a post for another day).

So, bottom line, why would I pay more, to eat less, of what I can make in my kitchen anyways? That's why I love Chinese restaurants.

I was so nervous today

So Sachin finally scores his hundredth 100, and it's the SECOND piece of news on Cricinfo ?! hehehe ...


Shabash Bangladesh!

The Chicken or Egg Paradox and Islam

Me: "You know, I have NEVER understood the chicken and egg paradox."

Wife: "Oh, it's simple. Which came first, the chicken, or the egg? It's it's the egg, who laid it? If it's the chicken, and all chickens come from eggs, so ..."

Me: "I understand the paradox all right. I am just saying it's NOT a paradox. I know the answer. It's THE CHICKEN."

Wife [puzzled]: "So how can you be so sure? Prove it."

Me [with an extremely self satisfied smug]: "Easy. This paradox depends on a non-defined starting point. Well, we all know Allah created everything. He started everything. So, He created a pair of chickens. They then laid eggs, and so on. Ergo, the chicken came first. QED."

There was a pause. This was it, I thought. A seminal moment in history. The age old paradox solved by Islam. Islam - the religion that has the answer to everything.

And then ...

Wife: "What if Allah created a pair of eggs?"

Why Muslim Feminists Don't Win

Amongst my friends, I have been told that I have what can be termed as "traditional" or "conservative" views. I don't think Islam needs any reformation (now Muslims are another story), I don't think it's a travesty women cannot lead a mixed gender congregation, and so on. Yet, being of this generation, I am more liberal than say, my father.

So the other day we were talking about our local mosque. To my surprise, he agreed it's a travesty that women are put behind a barrier (or on another floor), where they can't directly see the imam. There was a problem with the microphone and close circuit TV last Friday, and the women couldn't follow the prayers. We both like to go to IIT, where the prayer hall is a large open hall and the men pray in front of the women, with no dividers. Another time we attended the Sayeda Khadija Centre in Mississauga, where the women pray directly behind the men and again, no divider. The imam listened to the questions posed by the women and answered immediately, without any notes being passed as in our local mosque. Both my father and I agreed that it was a joke that our mosque tried to make women and men exit from separate doors when the mosque was packed (and it was a fire hazard). They allowed men and women to enter from the same doors, so what is the trouble? And if I wanted to attend a lecture in the mosque with my wife, why does she have to sit in another section?

So when I see the legitimate concerns posed by many women frustrated by their treatment in South Asian or Arab dominated mosques, I feel their pain. However, if change is needed, they need to win over the support of people like us, who believe in traditional teachings and yet see room for a lot of improvement within the Islamic framework.

So here is why I think Muslim "feminists" are not taken seriously.

1. They don't present a credible image.

It's hard to take someone speaking about Islamic daleel and fiqh and jurisprudence when they look like this. Like it or not, you have to make yourself presentable and look credible, otherwise no one will listen to what you have to say. Any Muslim will agree that modesty is one defining character of a decent Muslim, men AND women. While no one is arguing everyone has to be dressed in a scarf or niqab to be taken seriously, sleeveless blouses and short skirts give the idea that you have another secret agenda not limited to women's emancipation in mosques.

Think about why the above feminist may not be taken as seriously, as say this next one:

It's about presenting a credible image.

2. They think men and women are the same in Islam.

Strictly speaking, technically this is not true. Islam discriminates against men and favours women. For example, on the Day of Judgement, Allah will not ask a mother why she didn't provide for her child. It will be asked of the child's father. He will be questioned as to why he couldn't impart Islamic teachings to his children. A woman is not asked about Jihad or why she didn't go to the mosque and watched Humsafar instead. We men don't have Paradise under our feet, women do. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) promised Paradise for a father of two daughters. No such promise was made for a man who fathered two sons. And so on.

So when you try to make a woman equal to a man, you have to be aware this was the fight of the Western feminists. For example, this text is from the Catholic Encyclopedia today:

The female sex is in some respects inferior to the male sex, both as regards body and soul.

As can be seen, the Old Testament blames women for Adam's fall from Heaven (as a result of which she is "punished" with child birth and menstruation pains). This was the prevailing attitude that Western women had to fight, when they were considered inferior in every way.

In Islam, the battle is different. Women have certain God-given rights, such as access to the mosque, access to the imam, legal rights, decision making rights etc. that have now been taken away from them (hello Saudi Arabia and your stupid driving ban). Those are the fights the feminists need to fight for. There is no need to make women to be equal to men, we need women to exercise their own God-given rights.

3. They pick the wrong fights.

By trying to say a woman can lead a mixed gender prayer, you are picking the wrong fight. A women's position is neither elevated nor her difficulties decreased by making her the imam. Technically speaking the imam is responsible for all the mistakes made during prayer, while those that follow get all the rewards of the prayer. In strict Islamic law, certain responsibilities (and its pitfalls) are for men alone; bringing a women here does her no benefits. Rather, the fight should be as to why she can't see her imam or ask him a question or is being deprived of an Islamic education from a learned scholar.

Similarly some are upset that a brother gets more in inheritance than a sister, from the same dad. The same feminists also acknowledge that when a man gets a property, he can be responsible for supporting his mother, his sisters, his kids, his father, and in some cases, his grandparents and his aunts. When a woman gets a property, she does not have to support anyone. If you want to give a woman equal rights to inheritance, are you prepared to also put on her all those claims of support? So in effect, you are burdening her more than Allah has burdened her, and this is supposed to benefit her?

This is because you have picked the wrong fight. The proper fight is when brothers take over their sister's inheritance, because she "is of feeble mind and cannot manage it". The proper fight is when a wife is not given her due Mahr because her father or brothers "forgave it" from the husband. The proper fight is when a woman is not allowed to own a business or run her monetary affairs without her husband's permission.

Not that she has less financial responsibilities and you want to burden her with more.

This is why feminists in Saudi Arabia (of all places) were spectacularly successful in getting rights for women to work (which they have in Islam but are denied in some Muslim countries) in lingerie shops, because they asked for their rights as women to be respected within Islam.

So, in conclusion:

Provide a modest, credible image.

Be well verses in Islamic knowledge and jurisprudence regarding women.

Pick the right battles.

Few Facts about "Honour" Killing

After a gruelling 10-week trial, the jury returned a guilty verdict in the Shafia "Honour" Killing murder trial in Kingston, Ontario. A father, a mother and a brother were found guilty of killing their own family members, all female. Despite the horrific nature of the crime, the usual suspects are already out claiming that "honour" killing is an epidemic in the Muslim community.

Tarek Fatah has already targeted multiculturalism, saying "everyone wanted to protect multiculturalism — not the lives of these young women" and that "Muslims consider women the possession of men". Given that Fatah and the MCC enjoy the ear of the Conservatives, it was no surprise to see Rona Ambrose, Minister for Status of Women, announce "the Shafia trial was a wake-up call to a lot of people that thought honour-motivated violence doesn't exist in Canada".

So here are some facts about honour killing and Canada.

1. Since 2002, there has been 13 cases of "Honour" killings in the whole of Canada.
   
   13 murders. 10 years.
   
   To put that into perspective, in 2011 the city of Toronto had 45 homicides (down from 60 in 2010). By March of 2012, already 20 people will have lost their lives to murder.
   
   To recap, more black young men will lose their lives this year in the streets of Toronto than women who will die due to honour killing in the last ten years in the WHOLE country.
   
   
2. Do you think it's only Muslims who have an "Honour" Killing problem? According to a poll done by the BBC’s Asian network, 1 in 10 of the 500 Hindus, Sikhs, Christians and Muslims surveyed said they would condone any murder of someone who threatened their family’s honor. So it doesn't matter if you are a Christian or a Muslim, the number of people in your community that condones "honour" killing is the same.
   
   And you think it's an Eastern problem? The survey was done in Britain. So to recap, Christians in Britain have an "Honour" killing problem, just like Muslims, Sikhs and Hindus.
   
   
3. Women are killed only in an "honour" killing.
   
   Think again. In 2010 in Canada, there were 89 victims of homicide by an intimate partner, with common-law spouses accounted for 45% of homicides committed by an intimate partner, followed by legal spouses and dating partners, both at 28%.
   
   To recap, the guy you are casually dating has a higher chance of killing you than your father in an "honour" killing case. Even if you are Muslim. Especially if you are Muslim.
   

So, to recap

Honour killing is a horrible crime. It is a dastardly and cowardly act.

However, it is NOT an epidemic in Canada.

It is NOT even the most serious crime against women in Canada.

It is HARDLY on the radar when cold hard statistics are taken into account considering crime in Canada.

Worldwide, it is not focused or prevalent in the Muslim community.

I am really sorry about those Shafia girls - but seriously, stop blaming me or my community for something one man did.

How To Plan A Trip To Europe - Part 1

I get a lot of hits on this blog searching for "Europe vacation planning" or seeking specific details of an European trip. They are probably attracted to my Europe posts. Even though this is a bit earlier in the year, it's never to early to plan your European vacation! Here's some advice I can give to anyone doing a tour of Europe.

Everyone Should Do It
Travelling through Europe via the train and experiencing all the diverse cultures is everything they make it out to be, and much more. It had been one of my life's to-do items, and I wasn't disappointed. And you won't be either. There's no vacation like an Euro-vacation.

Start With a Map
Europe is big!

When we started planning our vacation, I wanted to visit everything! Germany, France, England, Italy, Switzerland, Netherlands, you name it - I wanted to see it! I wanted to visit all the big cities and little places! Soon though, we realized with the limit of our holiday time and cost, we had to prioritize. So my first suggestion would be - get a map of Europe.

That way, you can see how far apart the places are that you want to visit. Some cities are of course a 'must-see' (it depends on you) and some are 'nice-to-visit'. With a little bit of googling for travel times, you can have an idea of what cities you can reasonably visit with the time you have. For me, it meant omitting Germany and Netherlands as they were too far away from the other places I wanted to see.

Early Planner vs. the Impulsive Traveller

While there is some romance in the idea of not knowing your destination and deciding it on the day, I root for being the early planner every time. I travelled to Europe in July, but by March had all my hotels, tickets, etc. booked. While this does have some drawbacks (I wanted to later add Napoli to my trip, but changing the air tickets was not possible) I saved over $1500 by my calculations by booking in March rather than waiting till May. Basically the earlier you book, the cheaper some hotels and rail/air tickets are. I knew exactly what dates I would be travelling from one city to the next and had my route/trip planned to the minute.

Rail Passes vs. Tickets vs. Reservations

Rail travel is the way to go around and see Europe. Unless you have some specific place you want to visit that has no public transit (impossible in most of Europe) or you want the possibilities that a car gives you, rail travel is the way to go in Europe. The network is well connected, super fast and you get to see a lot of the scenery as you travel.


Buying rail passes for Europe can be complicated. You have to know the differences between tickets, passes, and reservations. Here's the primer:

When you buy a tickets from A to B, you can journey from A to B. For example, buying a ticket from Paris to Basel will allow you to travel from Paris to Basel only, on the day and time you bought the ticket for.

When you buy a multi-day pass, you can use one day of the pass to travel on that day on any participating train in any participating country. When you buy the pass, you can choose the number of days, the countries the pass will be valid in, and the class (economy or first class, etc.) and pay accordingly.

However, and this is the big however, some routes ALSO require you to buy a reservation if you are using a pass. So for example to travel from Paris to Basel using one day of the pass, you also have to buy a reservation on that route. Your pass will NOT BE VALID on that route without the reservation. A reservation costs way less than a ticket, but you still need it (for specific routes).

You can visit raileurope.ca to get started.

To Be Continued ...

Things I Learnt From The Movie Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl

1. You can make a fully functional website for a hotel chain of hotels AND have it be on the top of Google search list, all in one day.
   
   
2. If you walk into a Punjabi gangster's house in the middle of the night with his drunk passed out daughter in your arms, declare yourself as her boyfriend who has been clubbing with her when she is supposed to be at a friend's wedding, the gangster is likely to buy your house and pay by cash.
   
   
3. In India, everyone buys land and property by exchanging bags of cash as deposit, without checking the land value, or even the title deed. After all, how can you not trust this face?
   
   
4. If you are a steel titan and earn over $30 million a year, you will sell a painting for cash on advance to save Rupees 30,000 in tax.
   
   
5. The ringtone that is one the biggest Bollywood hits of the decade has only 7 downloads in a country that has over 881 million cellphone users. And downloading a ringtone is the ONLY way to install a ringtone on today's smartphones.
   
   
6. When you have a photo of the man who conned you out of your savings, AND 3 witnesses of similar cons, AND the present location of the man, do NOT go to the police.
   
   
7. Everyone in Goa is at the beach with well oiled abs. In a city of 1.3 million, it's easy to spot one man on the beach.
   
   
8. In India, to get billionaires to invest in hotels you are planning to build on an already saturated market, it is important to throw a big party. Business plans, market evaluations, cash flow statements, revenue predictions etc. are for suckers. And you don't even need to finalize a site for the hotel. You just need a party on a boat. WTF.
   
   
9. Then, after 8 billionaires DO decide to invest in your scheme (WHY?), you decide they are not really necessary, as your dad is rich enough.

More Bollywood Lessons:

Things I Learnt From The Movie Race

Things I Learnt From The Movie Train

Things I Learnt From The Movie Vivah

Wife Space

Wife to Husband: We need a new wardrobe. All our wardrobes are so small. I need some where to store my new clothes. Right now they are all in a box. We need a new wardrobe. A big one. Are you listening to me?

Husband dutifully goes out with wife and together they select a new wardrobe. Husband lugs the furniture back to their place and spends the weekend assembling it.

Husband (proudly displaying the assembled wardrobe to wife): What do you think?

Wife: Hmm ... it's too big.

Women!

How To Have A Perfectly Sane Brown Wedding - Part 2

Following on from Part 1.

Rule Number 6
If you have seating arrangements, let it be known. Especially to the parents of the bride and groom.

I have been to weddings where they hired a fancy wedding planner who (claimed to have) made seating arrangements for 600 people. Except no one knew what it was; there was no big printed board informing people of their table number, or people to guide you to your seats. And on top of that, you ask the clueless clearly hassled parents of the bride and groom, and they tell you "Oh, you can sit where you want". Except that when you do, the bridesmaids get their panties in a knot because you committed the grand crime of seating at a "reserved" table.

Here's a corollary - if you invite 600 people (see rules 1 and 2) you don't need a seating plan.

Rule Number 7
Do not have a Quran Recitation in the middle of a disco.

"Alright, let's begin our evening with the obligatory recitation of Surah Rum."

"Now, everybody, on the dance floor! Let's welcome the bride and groom with the biggest, loudest, bhangra, EVER!"

Like, seriously? Not even a filler?

Rule Number 8
Do not discriminate guests by their skin colour.

If you take all the good tables and sit white people there because you know, they are WHITE and need special attention at a brown wedding, even if you have hardly known them as long as your own folk, you are a fob.

Know who your people are (black, white, Asian, brown no matter) and sit close friends and relatives at the good tables. They were there for you when you were trying to hide your boyfriend "good" friend from your father.

Rule Number 9
A gate dhora is an ancient tradition.

Speaking of said white people, do you know what scares them the most? The groom is entering the hall, and then ALL OF A SUDDEN there's this huge mob of people at the gate and they are all shouting! I have seen some of them take out their cellphones and start to video the commotion. Little do they know this is the ancient custom of "gate dhora".

Desis it seems are the best when it comes to this business. The custom of "gate dhora" perfectly combines their inherent skills of mathematics, cheapness, shouting and diplomacy, an all in one. Indians are the masters in this: "This amount is how much you love the bride" or "this amount shows how much you value yourself"! How do you argue against that!

Note to folks arranging the wedding: Always agree beforehand on the amount, and always, ALWAYS, have an adult to supervise the kids. We desis play cricket, so we don't have soccer riots, but we do have gate dhoras.

Rule Number 10
If you say "I am going to keep it short", please mean it.

Really, the only one who is allowed to make a long speech is the father of the bride.

If you invite 600 people, you should know that not everyone is there to listen to your best friend going on, and on, and on, about your road trip in the final year.

There's only so many times you can use "and one more thing" in a speech. The phrase "before I finish" should be uttered exactly BEFORE YOU FINISH. Not before you add "and last but not the least".

Happy Weddings, everyone!

Gender Segregated Weddings

Have you ever been to a super boring wedding? When you sit apart from your wife, in different halls, and don't know anybody else, so you converse via sms, wait for the food and then leave? Where the only sign that it's a wedding is the one printed on the notice board?

Welcome to your traditional gender segregated wedding.

Now if you ask anyone who prefers a gender segregated wedding, here's what they will say - it's more "Islamic". Is it though?

Remember, Islam DOES discourage free mixing between men and women but ONLY when they are ALONE; Islam does not prohibit ALL interactions between men and women in a public setting.

I find it hypocritical too. To paraphrase Wood Turtle's status, so you can talk to a girl at work or on the street, but you can't talk to her at a wedding without losing all control and giving in to your "impulses"?

Here's the three basic myths about a gender segregated wedding:

1. It's Islamic.

Not it's not. The concept of gender segregation is a Middle Eastern patriarchal practice called Namus which predates Islam. There is no evidence from the Quran or Hadith that enforces segregation of sexes^[2].

The Prophet attended a wedding that was NOT gender segregated. It was Abu Usaid As-Saidi's wedding, and his wife served the Prophet (and his Companions) with food, and even brought him his drink^[3]. There are plenty of examples from his life where men and women, not related to each other, ate at the same table.

2. A mixed wedding may lead to men and women flirting

There is even the idea that if something bad can happen from a permissible act, then we should prohibit the permissible act, even if there is good in it. This incorrect idea is taken to extremes in Saudi Arabia, where women are not allowed to drive lest something bad happens. The ridiculousness of this is proven by a Saudi study that says if women are allowed to drive, there will be a loss of virginity in the kingdom and more homosexuals ^[4]. Dr Taqir Suwaidan at RIS specifically rebutted this idea. If the idea was true, then the whole incident of "Aisha and the Necklace" would never have happened.

As long as there is no obscenity, touching, secret meetings and any sexual contact, go ahead and maintain healthy social interaction with the opposite gender. It's the Islamic thing to do.^[1]

In Bengali circles, it's well known that men and women meet up at weddings. I attended two weddings this year, the second one was of the groom and bride who got to know each other well during the first wedding. And what's wrong with that?

If your society is already so segregated (I am looking at you Saudis) that it's unhealthy and where a woman's eyes now make you crazy^[5] then you gotta wonder how on earth will a man and woman meet up. Maybe the driving ban IS the reason you have more homosexuals (something to think about?).

My personal theory is that societies with gender segregated weddings (Pakistanis? Arabs?) have more cousin marriages. I am sure there is a research paper somewhere here, but what is so wrong with a young man and a young woman getting to know each other, and then getting married?

And if you think a gender segregated wedding prevents men and women from flirting, you don't know your young men and women.

3. Women show their hair and dress up all slutty at these mixed weddings

First, why are you looking at these women anyways! Lower your gaze, men! Second, see first.

I am not responsible for what anyone does. I am only responsible for my own actions. At my own wedding, I had a simple additional line in the invite.

"Since this is a Muslim wedding, guests are kindly requested to observe Islamic sensibilities and dress modestly. Your cooperation is this regard will be highly appreciated."

Or something to that affect. It was a mixed wedding. And you know what? Almost everyone complied with the request. My non-Muslim friends even called me up to ask what would be acceptable. That's because in general, people are nice. I find that hardcore so-called religious people treat everyone else as assholes who need to be 'guided', and therefore controlled.

My view is that it's your wedding, so if you want it to be gender segregated it's your choice. My faith compels me to attend a wedding once I get an invitation and have no excuses, so I will attend. But please, don't call it "Islamic". Because it's not, and you do a disservice to all those men and women who get married in a decent mixed wedding ceremony.


References:

1. Sexuality in Islam, referencing Surah Hujarat from the Quran.
2. Segregation of the Sexes.
3. Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 111
4. Saudi Arabia: Driving a 'threat to virgin brides', The Independent
5. Saudi to ban women with alluring eyes

Are You More Pious Than The Prophet?

Congratulations, you may now be more pious than the Prophet.

* * *

You will never kiss your wife in public, because after all that is what those infidels do. We are not of loose morals like them! No Public Display of Affection for Muslims! We may beat our wives, because that is in the Quran, supposedly, but we will NEVER kiss them in public.

Congratulations, you are now more pious than the Prophet. He used to kiss his wives in public ^[1] and never beat them.

* * *

Do you have fun? Astagfirullah! Come on! The duniya (world) is not a place to have fun!

Too bad the Prophet had fun. He used to engage in racing with his wives (sometimes he even let Aisha - a woman - win! *gasp*) ^[2], and he even carried Umama, his grand-daughter (Zainab's daughter), while praying.

WHILE PRAYING! *double gasp*. He used to put her down gently when he prostrated ^[3]. We would NEVER let a child interfere with us when we pray, eh? Guess we think we are more pious than him.

Yep. No fun please, we are Muslims.

* * *

You treat Islam seriously. After all, religion is not supposed to be easy, right? I mean, never mind that verse in Surah Taha where Allah is saying "We have not sent down the Qur'an to you to be (an occasion) for your distress" ^[4] - who cares about that! If it's easy it cannot be pious, we all know if you are truly Islamic you will do it the hard way! In fact, when the going gets tough, you know you are in the right path!

The above is actually the tag and title of a blog that encourages women who are pregnant, to fast. Even if it's a 18 hour fast (like in North America).

Too bad the Prophet recommended the easy way for us. Especially about pregnant women and fasting (a definite no-no) ^[6]. But come on! We are more pious than that! As the author asks, "Yes, why should I not fast whilst pregnant?" It's all about priorities. Yes, sure the Quran and Hadith may exempt you, but ... Allah will give you strength! Even if, you know, you are disobeying Him and His Prophet!

When Umar told the Prophet after the conquest of Mecca that prayers no longer need be shortened, as there was no more a fear of attack, the Prophet replied, "This is a charity that Allah, the Exalted, has bestowed upon you, so accept His charity!"

And in another place, *gasp* the Prophet even told his Companions, "So be moderate in your religious deeds and do what is within your ability."^[5]

But we are more pious than that, are we not?

* * *

Meanwhile, we Muslims have to defend the honour of the Prophet (by behaving dishonourably?). And the honour of ALL Prophets. So someone named a teddy bear after Muhammad (peace be upon him)? Off with her head!

Too bad Muhammad's own wife Aisha used to do the same thing.

And music! Astagfirullah! Isn't there a hadith that says "the love of Quran and the love of music cannot co-exist in the same heart"? Oh wait, there isn't? *surprise* Oh, it's just a quote by some guy named Ibn Masud. Oh well, it's good enough for us. No music at our weddings!

After all, it's only the Prophet's most beloved wife Aisha who narrated that when a woman was married to an Ansari man, the Prophet (peace be on him) said, "Aishah, did they have any entertainment? The Ansar are fond of entertainment." ^[7]

Once, according to Ibn Abbas, Aisha gave a girl relative of hers in marriage to a man of the Ansar. The Prophet came and asked, "Did you send a singer along with her?"

"No," said 'Aishah. The Messenger of Allah (peace be on him) then said, "The Ansar are a people who love poetry. You should have sent along someone who would sing, 'Here we come, to you we come, greet us as we greet you.'"^[8]

But come on now, we are for sure more pious than that! In the name of Islam we will segregate our women and put them behind that curtain. I ask you, did the Prophet allow women to be present in the mosques?

He did? Um... um, ignore that. Times are different now. No longer can we obey the Prophet's sunnah in accepting an invitation to a Jewish lady's house for dinner (you know, without wondering if the cow was facing Mecca when it was slaughtered).

We are way, way more pious now.

References:
1. Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi
2. Ahmad
3. Bukhari
4. Quran 20:2
5. Bukhari, Volume 7, Hadith 577
6. Abu Dawud, 2408; al-Tirmidhi, 715; al-Nasa’i, 2315; and Ibn Majah, 1667
7. Bukhari
8. Ibn Majah

What did the Android say to the iPhone?

Note: If you don't follow Bollywood, or do not understand Hindi/Urdu, this post is not for you. I apologize.

So, I have an Android, my sister-in-law has an iPhone. Sometime back, I read a joke online, thought it would be a great joke to pass on to her (she follows Bollywood!) and therefore sms-ed her.

What I sms-ed:

What did the mutter say to the paneer?

Tu CHEESE Badi Hai Mast Mast!!

What my sister-in-law received:

Tu CHEESE Badi Hai Mast Mast!!

Needless to say, she was a puzzled girl, and thank goodness it was all clarified as soon as possible, otherwise it would just not have remained an Android vs. iPhone issue!

Ramadan Iftar Foods

Ramadan is a time when Muslims fast from dawn to dusk, when they break their fast in a meal known as the iftar. This is a time for family and friends, when we visit each other for iftar parties and worship. Here are some of the foods I have eaten for iftar this month.


A fast is usually broken with dates, as per tradition of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).


Some sweet drink usually follows, to give you the energy boost you need after a whole day of fasting. In Bengali circles, these drinks are usually mangoe lassi, or some type of sherbet or fruit cocktail. Just because Muslims can't drink does not mean we can't mix drinks!


Porota - shown below - a flat bread-type pancake that is the breakfast of champions in South Asia. However, since it's South Asia, you can't NOT have some unhealthy but extremely delicious snacks!



Above is what we call "shingara" - a type of samosa, but bigger, and below is a dish we call "Beguni" - Egg plant coated in batter and then fried.

The iftar spread at my parents' place

The kids love the spring rolls and noodles are making a big comeback at iftar parties. Gotta love noodles.

Potluck iftar at a friend's place

In South Asia, there's enough time between iftar and Isha (night) prayers, and Isha is quite early in the night (7-9 pm) so one can have dinner later, which is a separate meal by itself. In Canada, due to our compressed timings and longer days, iftar and dinner is usually combined in one meal.

Dinner spread at said friend's place

Salad for the girls

Of course, after a long day of fasting, you want some meat. Above is chicken tandoori, while shown below is a curry chicken breast dish.


Of course dessert has to be taken care of at parties, after meals. Usually people go pray Taraweeh (night prayers) and return, depending on the time.

Mango Lassi and Rooh Afza drinks

Any Bengali party will have sweets

Fruits, usually used to make a dish called 'Fruit Chaat'

MuslimFest 2011

On Saturday, we headed to Celebration Square, Mississauga for MuslimFest, 2011.


There were various activities throughout the day, but there were two main highlights of the day.

First up ... as the trailer promised, there were camels.


Second, but before we could get to that, it started to rain. And boy, did it come pouring down!



However, the star of the evening, Pakistan's famous Junaid Jamshed, wasn't going to let a little thing like a torrential downpour stop him. Though his popstar days were behind him, the nasheed singer knew how to work the crowd.


Soon, people were singing to "Dil dil Pakistan" with him in the rain.



The rain stopped, and the sun then started to shine brightly on the crowd, which Junaid regaled with stories of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), interspersed with hamds and nasheeds in his praise.





It was great to see a lot of volunteers at this venue, helping run and coordinate a smooth event for the 10,000+ attendees over both days.


Other than the performances (such as comedy, free movies) and attractions (such as Reptile Exhibition), there's also the famous bazaar scene.





Over all, it's a great event, and best of all, this year it was FREE.


So next time you are in town during this time, do check out MuslimFest.