Ottawa Tulip Festival

I recently spent a little time in Ottawa at the city's annual Tulip Festival.

The story goes that in 1945, the Dutch royal family fled Holland, which was overrun by the Nazis. They found safe heaven in Canada, and every year the Tulip festival in Ottawa commemorates this long lasting friendship between the two nations.

Interestingly, while in exile in Canada, Princess Juliana gave birth to a daughter, Princess Margriet. To mark the new princess’ birth, the Dutch flag was flown at the top of the Peace Tower. This is the only time a foreign flag has flown over Canada’s Parliament Buildings. Canada also temporarily declared the hospital she was born in as extraterritorial.

The Canadian Tulip Festival is also a celebration of the return of spring, with over a million tulips in 50 varieties blooming in public spaces across the National Capital Region. The highest concentration of tulips can be viewed in the flower beds of Commissioners Park, on the banks of Dows Lake, where 300,000 flowers bloom. The National Capital Commission (NCC) manages more than 100 tulip beds at 30 different sites.

You can experience the festival at various sites throughout the city. It's the largest of its kind in the city, attracting over 600,000 visitors (Source: Ottawa Tourism).

Of course, if you want to get all Bollywoodish about it, you can watch the video of the song Dekha Ek Khwab from the movie Silsila to get you all into a Tulip mood before you visit this festival! One not to be missed, and Ottawa has plenty to do in the summer besides tulips.

IFS Spring Carnival 2016

Our local mosque, the Islamic Foundation of Toronto, holds a Spring Carnival every year. This year, with the weather being really nice and warm, we decided to check it out with the kids. Yesterday, as we were driving to the venue, I remarked to my wife that we are going to a mosque for a carnival, whereas if it was for a prayer session or halaqah we would have been thinking about it! The big attraction, of course, was a Ferris wheel that they would somehow fit into the parking lot.

Unfortunately, the weather was not cooperative. Unluckily for all involved, the mercury chose today to dip down well below seasonal. As I am typing this today, a day after, it's actually snowing! Snowing, in May! And then a couple of days later it's supposed to be really warm and hot. That's Canadian weather for you.

It was really too bad, as the organizers had put in a lot of effort for the kids, especially getting bouncy rides and castles for the young ones. You can't plan for the weather really, but May is a tricky time for outdoor events anyways. A better time might have been after Ramadan in July, when the worst that can happen is a quick thundershower. Here, the temperature was actually in single digits with the wind chill and only a few brave souls were out enjoying the merry go round and other outdoor rides.

There was also an outdoor petting zoo, and the kids were having fun feeding the animals snacks and touching them. The sheep reminded me of Dolly, the first cloned sheep (or maybe that's how all sheep look - I have no idea).

I had an interesting thought here. In the deserts of Arabia, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his followers would sometimes hold prayers for rain, because it was so rare, it was always hot, and rain was always welcome. What about here in Canada? Should we pray for heat and not snow / rain? Would that be OK?

Of course, since it was too cold outside in the parking lot, we went inside to check out the bazaar (a mandatory part of any Muslim mela).

Now the bazaar was made up of the usual suspects.

• There was a guy selling cheap toys from China.
• There were the usual hijab vendors.
• Some people were selling mango shakes, popcorns and cotton candy.
• There were some vendors with "Eid dresses" and other ethnic wear.
• Some vendors were selling desi food such as samosas and biryani.
• Few sponsor booths such as Mina Halal giving out free hot dog samples and coupons. You take a lot of these coupons until you realize they expire in a month!
• Finally there were some (few) unique booths selling a little upscale stuff (such as Kaamilah Boutique).

Overall it was a nice little fair, organized well. If the weather had cooperated, it would have been so much more busier and fun.
 

My Liar Mom: A Mother's Day Poem.

This is a beautiful poem a man wrote out of love for his mother. His mother had become a widow in Bangladesh at a very early age, and raised her young son all alone, working hard for him, until this son got established and had a huge job in USA.

The poem is being recited by my father. I don't know who is the original author of the poem - if you know please let me know so I can credit the author. The poem is in Bengali, so I am attaching a (rough) translation here. Remember, a lot is lost in the translation.

--------------------
A long time has gone by, and still for my mom I cry
For my mom used to always vehemently lie.

Lonely we became, with death of my dad
My mom aged faster, with the worries now all on her head.
My mother said, a star in the far away galaxy was my dad
He would come down if I studied and got educated.
I did study, and amongst the stars I searched for my dad,
For me, my mother’s lies started with that.

“Get married again”, friends and relatives advised her
Difficult would be the long life all alone to bear.
They said, “Select a man and get married again, and come to your senses!”
Mom said, “I have no time for such nonsense!”
“Am I alone? Look! My son is with me here,”
That was another lie she could easily utter.

On the sewing machine my mom worked all night, making new clothes in batches,
Struggling hard for my life to be a little bright, yet her own old clothes had multiple patches.
Her eyes were sleepy, she was tired when a needle pricked her hand,
“Mom! Come, leave the work alone and sleep!” Was my demand.
“I am not sleepy,” said my mom, “I don’t need rest.”
That was another untruth to which my mom would attest.

Every day after school, she would pick me up,
My mom would wait for me, standing with no shade, and in the sky the sun high up.
The hot sun and humidity made everyone huff and sag,
Yet every day without fail she used to hand me an ice cream from her bag.
I held it out to my mom, “Here … take a bite,”
To this, she would say, “oh no, it’s all right.”
“You have it all. My throat gets infected if I have something cold,”
For me, that was another lie, she easily told.

In a big city I got a job, quite good
Got married, settled down as life eventually would.
In a posh location I got a house well furnished
With an interior decorator, each room was nicely made.
My mom still lived in my village
All alone in the darkness of load shedding, trying to light up a candle.
As the lights of the city shone and dazzled.
“Oh mom”, I said, “Come! Leave the village and come here to settle.”
Mom said, “It’s so nice and open here.”
“Why should I go to your hot and crowded city?”
“Actually if I stay in a closed room all day I get asthma attacks,”
Once again my mom lied.

After this my status went even higher
Job in World Bank with lots of power
Busy all day, I met people in rows
How is my mom, I had no time to regularly check up on her and know.
A day came when I heard she is sick and bed ridden,
Hit with a sickness that has no cure in Bangladesh.
I flew out to her, it was now a long journey,
I begged and pleaded with her to change her mind.
“Come with me States I beg of you.”
“The best doctors will take care of you.”
“These types of illnesses are no big deal there,”
“In seven days we will cure you and have you back here.”
With a smile on her face uttered my mom,
“I am not supposed to fly don’t you know!”
“Nothing has happened to me, don’t you worry.”

That was the last lie she told me.
A few days later, died this extreme liar.
For my lying mom, till today I cry.

Why is Blogging Dying?

This is a surprise post as I had no plan to write on this. But I have to.

As I see the wild fires ravaging Fort McMurray (and a silent prayer goes out for them), I see why the two forces that blogging used to make fun of - traditional media and social media - come to the fore in reporting this story, while bloggers lag far behind.

There were many reasons why bloggers used to make fun of traditional media. They were the establishment, they were dinosaurs, they had an agenda, they had to toe the party line ... etc. etc. These were (at some times) valid concerns, and bloggers were at the forefront of breaking stories. They were beholden to no one and could write whatever they damn pleased.

In the 2005s, it was so. Bloggers were suddenly the new cool thing. The Liberal party leadership convention that ultimately chose Stephane Dion had a blogger outreach program and a place for bloggers at their convention. I know, because I was one of the bloggers. At that time I used to blog (actively) on Crescent Canuck.

Slowly but surely, traditional media fought back. They had more resources to cover a story, had more experience in prioritizing stories, and were actually accountable (to a degree) for telling the truth. They had more credibility. Reporters also became bloggers (or had a blog). Some bloggers became news agencies, such as Doha News.

At the same time, social media such as Twitter and Facebook were breaking ground. At first we bloggers rubbished these sites (ironically the same way newspapers rubbished bloggers). 140 characters is too small to express a complex thought on a complicated issue, we argued (true). But just like Trump followers don't care for the truth, Twitter interactions never cared for the nuances that a blog could provide.

Today, blogging is cumbersome. It's far easier to interact on Twitter or post on Facebook. Blogging platforms have simply not kept up. At the same time, the good bloggers are those who blog often, are corporate and made themselves semi professional. Amateur blogging, as blogging was mostly, is dying.

Partly it is also the sign of the times. Nowadays we simply don't have the time to read a person's thoughts in the form of a blog post. Much easier to read a small tweet, and respond. And that, in the end, is why blogging is slowly dying.

Now, please share this article on Twitter!

Six Lessons from the Jian Ghomeshi sex assault trial

Jian Ghomeshi was a somewhat famous radio personality in Canada. In 2016 he went on trial as some (three) women accused him of sex assaults way back in the past. Since it was so far back, all the judge (and jury) had were his words versus theirs. Here was a dominating radio personality versus what could charitably be called as his former groupies. The case attracted wide coverage in Canada and shone a spotlight on sex assault trials, their flaws, and women's rights as a whole.

To add spice to the mix, the lawyer defending Ghomeshi was a woman herself, a brilliant solicitor named Marie Henein. She completely skewered the witnesses and their statements, cast doubt on their allegations and brilliantly defended her client. In the end, Ghomeshi was found not guilty and many feminists turned their ammo on Henein, calling her an anti-feminist and an anti-woman. Another case is pending trial as of this post.

Here's six lessons I drew from this whole saga.

1. Life isn't fair.
   
   Maybe Ghomeshi is guilty. Maybe he isn't. We will never know. All we have is that there wasn't enough evidence to convict him based on some doubtful allegations. This is why we Muslims are taught there is a Day of Judgement at the end of Time where God will dispense perfect justice for everything that happened in this life.
2. Be smart. Shit happens.
   
   Just because you are right, doesn't mean you will win (see Point #1). Ghomeshi’s accusers ignored some common-sense rules.
• Don’t talk to the media.
• Don’t communicate with the other complainants.
• Try to remember every detail of the assault.
• Comb over old emails, correspondence or interactions with the accused that could be used to contradict or undermine allegations.
• And, most important: Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
3. Don't be a slut, regardless of what some (extreme) feminist activists say.
   
   It has become common now to say being a slut is being "empowered". We have Slutwalk in Toronto where women dress provocatively (or don't dress at all) and go for a parade, and are ogled by bystanders and whistled at, and somehow this is empowering.
   
   You should never be sending a picture of your naked self to anyone.
4. Do not lose your objectivity over adulation. Do not be a groupie. Have respect for yourself.
   
   These women did not stop corresponding with Ghomeshi even after their assault, and continued to speak glowingly about (and to) him, and only turned bitter once they were ignored.
5. Again, regardless of what some people teach you, if you are a woman - take care of yourself. Be careful.
   
   Yes, we know it isn't right that a woman ever be subject to a sexual assault. No matter what she is wearing, doing, saying - it isn't her fault.
   
   Yet, that theoretical principle won't stop an actual assault from taking place. Be careful, be vigilant - always.
6. Finally, just like I shouldn't support Ghomeshi just because he's a guy, as a woman, any women shouldn't feel the need to help other women just because they are women. Do what's right, always.

Which TTC Seat is the best?

I have been travelling in Toronto using the "better way" aka the subway aka TTC for the last 3 years. Since I get on at the end of the line, I have a whole empty subway train in the morning to select from as to where to sear. It's a debate that has often plagued me - am I using the best seat for optimum comfort? I present to you the options.

This is the typical layout of a Toronto subway train on the Bloor-Danforth line. A group of 5 seats in close proximity to each other.

Seat A - Good if you are a thin person (I am not). You have a whole side to lean against (on your left), so you can simply cozy up and sleep.

Seat B - Really tight. Sometimes someone like me seats in Seat A, so they are really occupying a little portion of Seat B. Then you really have 80% of Seat B. And a pillar. This is the worst seat.

Seat C - I like this seat. The empty space between this and Seat D means lots of space if you are not exactly thin. The pillar prevents the person in Seat B from occupying your space. The best seat, in my opinion.

Seat D - Once again you have a whole wall to lean on. But your leg space is tightly cramped first by person in Seat C, and second from the heating duct at the bottom. So you have a full seat till your waist, and then three quarters of a place to put your legs down. This is a seat for thin girls.

Seat E - the back up seat to Seat C. You have a whole space on the left of the seat (or right if it's on the other side) to stretch out. There's a pillar to rest your head on (not shown in this picture).

What do you think? Which seat is best?

Remember, the target is to peacefully sleep like this:

So if you know which door to enter from when the train comes to a stop, you can go grab your seat.

As a bonus, here's the seats on the smaller Scarborough RT.

The Scarborough RT's a really short ride to fall asleep (plus it's Scarborough so you really want to be awake) but I think in this case, seat C is the best. You have this whole space between the seats, so it's not just the seat, but more, and a pillar to ward off other encroachers. Good seat design.

Frustrating Reponses When Talking of "Islamic" Mortgage

I will be blunt - whenever I see an ad for an "Islamic" mortgage, or a commercial on how to finance your house "the halal way", my scam alert meter activates. They go through all these fancy brochures explaining their methodology (why? how long does it take to explain how you are lending me money and making a profit?) and at the end of the day, it's interest - just called differently ("profit rate" - whose profit? How do I - the buyer, the borrower - have a "profit rate"?).

The fact that it's all a scam isn't even an outrageous idea; BBC had an article on 'how Islamic is Islamic banking'. The very fact that an Islamic bank can give you a bond (which by its definition is tied to an interest rate), give it an Arabic name (sukook) and thus make it halal tells you all you need to know that most Islamic 'halal' financing is a big scam.

But this post is not about that. This post is about how, when you tell some Muslims this, and why you will be forced to go to a conventional banking for a mortgage, they come up with all sort of statements that frankly says they haven't even spent a minute thinking about the issue.

Why do you need to buy? You can rent all your life?

OK, so unless you have done a comprehensive rent vs mortgage calculation, such as this one in the Financial Post or Toronto Star, you shouldn't be saying this. What it usually means is that you as a Muslim have decided not to borrow from the bank and pay interest due to your religious beliefs (fair point), but because of this you have also decided renting is far better than property ownership (debatable). Most articles that say renting could be better always say could be, or may be, or possibly. They also make a big assumption that you will invest the savings you get when you pay a lower amount of money in rent into the stock market, and that you will invest successfully, and you will have no landlord issues, and so on. Plus, rent is also going up every year.

You don't need to borrow the money, you can save and buy it outright.

Ya, right. Every year the prices continue to rise, and the rate far exceeds an average person's saving grace.

Muslims should reconsider living in the first world where prices are high and buy properties in Muslim countries where its cheaper.

When a scholar actually says this, you don't know whether to laugh or cry. First of all, the price of a house depends on where you live, but so does your earning! I can buy a huge plot of land with a house on it in Rangpur, Bangladesh, for less than my monthly salary in Canada, but what good does that do me? I live here, I need a house here. If I lived in Rangpur, I wouldn't be making the money I make here, so the scale of that house to my earning would be the same scale of a house here to my earning here. It's the same problem.

And anyone who thinks house prices are cheaper in Muslim areas clearly hasn't even done their research (Dubai? Islamabad? Dhaka? - just to give a few) It's this type of lazy speaking that bugs me. Do your research and bring some interesting points to the debate.

Quran says interest is haram. Period. Surah X, verse Y.

Usually accompanied by a Dr. Zakir Naik picture.

Look, no one is arguing that. Or debating that. But the Quran also says eating pork is haram, and we are well aware that Quranic verses do not apply when there's a necessity. If you are in a desert with nothing to eat for days and then you see a pig, you are allowed to kill it and eat.

But we are not in a desert. We can live without purchasing a house. It's not a necessity.

Well, some scholars say it is. Let's debate that, shall we. I am not saying they are right or wrong, but let's hear what they ...

Nowadays scholars will say anything for money. They will say anything is halal. It's contradictory to the Quran!

Exactly! So is "Islamic" financing, yet Muslims seemingly ignore those issues because it has an Islamic label to it. Again, I am not saying let's all go to CIBC and borrow some cash, I am saying let's talk about this intelligently.

There's nothing to discuss. Interest is haram. Period. You don't need to buy a house, you can rent it.

Aaaaaand we are back to square one.

Look, just pray 12 rakat daily and you will get a house in Jannah. Ha ha.

What. The. Fiqh.

That's like a person who cut his finger going to the doctor and the doctor is saying don't worry, in jannah you will be a young beautiful man with a houri. Solve the problem here and now.

Most Irritating South Asian Habits

Don't misquote me - being South Asian is a great thing. I used to joke with my wife that there are two types of people in this world. Desi - and those who wish they were desi.

Of course, being the huge multi cultural amalgam that South Asia is, there are some ... shall we say ... extremely irritating habits that we have that I absolutely, with all my heart, hate. So let's be controversial and list them.

1. Not taking off your shoes or sandals when entering someone's house.

I am going to call out the ladies here. What's with NOT TAKING OFF YOUR SANDALS when you come into someone's house? I know you spent a lot of time putting on your sari and getting the pleats right while wearing your sandals to match for the height, but please take off your bloody sandal when you step foot into the house!

I have decided to stop being polite on this issue and just call out people who do not take off their shoes when entering my house (politely, of course in a passive aggressive manner, we are still Canadian) by sending this article to them in their mail.

2. Picking up someone's baby when clearly you shouldn't.

Humanity, as a whole, have a thing for babies. We love to cuddle them, hug them, pick them up, kiss them, and say nonsense words to them. It's overall a good thing, and no doubt plays a part in the propagation of our species. However this is NOT a good idea when you have a cold and are sneezing and full of germs and antibiotics.

At a party recently this aunty who clearly had the sniffles (btw why are you EVEN AT THE PARTY? Couldn't you call and cancel since you clearly are spreading germs all over but I digress...) wanted to pick up my baby son because she was seeing him after a long while and how much he has grown etc. etc. That's where I stepped in and said, "But aunty you have a cold."

That should have been enough but like a bulldozer that mated with a rhino the comment clearly did not penetrate her consciousness and she replied, "Oh it's just nothing. I don't even have fever any more."

That's when I said, "No aunty, I would prefer you not touch him."

Further discussion was prevented when my son so helpfully decided at that point to burst out crying and shrieking with all of his power so I deftly exited the room with him and deposited him with his mother. Good timing, son!

When I returned I overheard aunty saying to someone (another aunty), "Oh nowadays these kids read too much from online. In my day ..."

3. The Weight Watchers Club

No, this isn't the club of uncles and aunties who are trying to lose weight (although they really could). No, this is the cabal (yeah, that's the right word) of uncles and aunties who have noted down with precision what you used to weigh at a certain point in time and how much you have put on from that time till today. I have written about them before.

I think one day I will really lose it if some uncle tries to make some comment.

"Oh, so you seem to have put on some weight ..."

"Oh, so your daughter is going out with a white boy ..."

4. Not Showing Up For Time. Ever. Even For Your Own Wedding.

I get a wedding card and this is really how it reads.

6 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives
8.30 pm
Dinner

And this is how I edit it.

6 8 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 9 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 930 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 10.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives  rescheduled after dinner
8.30 11 pm
Dinner


I think this post is to be continued ....

Bajirao Mastani The Latest in a Revisionist Agenda

Bajirao Mastani is the latest attempt by a revisionist agenda of corporate India to highlight any non-Muslim figures in the history of India. Before recent times, the fact remains that the glory of India has always been under Muslim rule for over the last 1000 years - from the Delhi Sultanate to the Mughal empire.Yet the Indian media only highlights Akbar (and to some extent Shah Jahan) because Akbar was the least Muslim of the lot. He founded his own religion (Dil Ilahi) and married a Rajput princess. He is the one glorified today in India and the rest of these Muslim rulers - who led India to heights that she hasn't reached even today - are forgotten. Some are actually vilified - such as Aurangzeb - with allegations against him debunked by many historians yet repeated all the time by those with a Hindutva agenda.

Instead, we are taught about the greatness of a man Bajirao, a petty man who managed to carve a little country for himself when the Mughal empire was in decline, and who actually hastened the decline leading to the acceleration of British control over all of India. Similarly they highlight the story of another loser called Maha Rana Pratap, who sniped at the Mughals from the sides and again gave the British an opening they wanted. Meanwhile, real heroes who faught against the British such as Haidar Ali and Tipu Sultan - no movies are made about them because they happen to be Muslim.

The inconvenient fact remains that for the vast majority of Indians, going from Muslim rule to British rule was merely a change of masters (and the British were the far cruel masters). Only the Muslims were affected as they used to be in power, so they fought for freedom. Not until the War of Independence (or the Indian Mutiny) did the rest of India join them. Gandhi was a much flawed man whose tactics did not win India independence - it was the guerrilla attacks by many others (such as Bhagat Singh and Master ji) and the pressure of American diplomacy amongst other factors that caused it. Gandhi did not even want independence; he wanted India to be made into a dominion. Yet today he is the father of a nation.

A Guide for my Pakistani Friends About 1971

1. Realize that no matter how close we are, 1971 is a sensitive topic. Never, even jokingly, refer to modern Bangladesh as 'East Pakistan'. In fact, NEVER joke about 1971.
2. Realize that we do not blame you personally or hold you personally responsible for 1971 in any way. We do, however, blame your government for trying to whitewash history and pretend nothing happened.
3. Never say, 'oh, but both sides committed atrocities'. The scale does not even compare. It's like the Nazis saying, after they have gassed thousands of Jews, that one of them threw a rock at us.
4. I know it's hard for you to comprehend, but the army that you look up to and revere, has committed horrible war crimes, genocides and atrocities.
5. Never say 'it's the past and we should forget it in the spirit of forgiveness and brotherhood'. Forgiveness can only be given to those that sincerely repent and ask for it. Your government has denied any atrocities, let alone ask for forgiveness.
6. Do not automatically start speaking to a Bengali person in Urdu. Know about 1952, and ask for permission first.
7. Visit Bangladesh. You will find almost all Pakistanis speaking positively about their time there, and visit the War Museum in Dhaka. Educate yourself about your own history.
8. Ask your own government and challenge your own countrymen as to why 1952, 1971 are forgotten chapters in your history.
9. Finally, stop blaming India or Indian conspiracies and start building your own country. Start tolerating, no rather, start accepting those who speak and think and believe differently than you. The mistakes you made in 1971 are being repeated today in your country on the Ahmedis and on Baluchistan. Why?

Back To The Future For Geocities

Nostalgia seems to be pretty big nowadays. Today I was surprised to see an article on nostalgia for Web 1.0.

Er, Web 1.0, you ask. What is that?

That used to be the day. This was the internet of the late 90s and early 2000s. Those were the days before Google took shape (I remember using Alta Vista search engine) and blogging was just lurking around the corner. If you wanted a website, you had to build your own. You had to know HTML, DHTML and perhaps JavaScript (nowadays you just need a blogger or wordpress account). The best example was of course Geocities.

I had a Geocities account. Curiosity got the better of me and I used an internet archiver to see what my website looked like in 2002.

I also had a little bit of space on the university website (both as a student and as a TA) and this is what it looked like (the archiver is missing some of the images as well as styles).

What I find amazing is just the sheer amount of personal information I used to put online back then! One can argue we put more information online nowadays on Facebook and LinkedIn but those are behind a password protected account and shared with friends only (or so we think). From my site in 2002 you would know the names of my friends, my class schedule, where I worked, what my interests were, where we went for holidays and what I thought about the World Cup (well, some things don't change). ANY one could have seen that and all that was preventing them from visiting my site was not knowing the exact URL.

Ironically, I see that the time when Google broke through was when Geocities began to die, and blogging started to take root. I have already been blogging since 2004 (more than a decade now; my first post was on a cricket match).

I wonder what I will be posting as nostalgia in another ten years! Perhaps we will be looking back on the glory days of Facebook!

Shaming "Child" Marriage

I recently saw this picture on my Facebook feed along with a caption "What a shame".

I decided to push on this. Why is it a shame? If both parties (and let's be real here - the older man would have no reason to say no, so the real question is the bride) have freely, without being forced either by circumstances or their family, have consented to the marriage, where is the shame?

Ah, but look at her age!

The notion that we don't marry young is a fairly modern concept.

Gandhi married when he was 13 years old (to a 14 year old girl). The famous Rana Pratap (recognized by the British as King of Mysore) got married at the age of 12 (to a 14 year old). Drew Barrymore was 16 on her first engagement, and less that twenty before her first marriage. Macaulay Culkin married when he was 17.

Even in our literature - Snow White is 14 years old when she is married to her "prince", Jasmine of Aladdin is 15, Pocahontas is 18 and Cinderella is 19. Juliet of the famous Romeo and Juliet was 13 as written by Shakespeare (while Romeo's age isn't mentioned, but he is older than her and a young man - presumably 21).

Ah, but look at the difference in their ages.

Surely it is a cause of concern. It is uncommon, it is not healthy, etc. But is it a cause of shame?

Princess Emilia of Saxony in 1533, at age 16 married the famous George the Pious who was then 48 years old. Demi Moore married Freddy Moore when she was 17 and he was 30. Let's not forget Celine Dion. She was 12 when she met her then 38-year-old future husband Rene Angelil. She was 19 when she started "dating" him. Their age difference is 26 years old. So clearly it isn't a shame for some people. A cause of concern, yes, but not shame,

You would never let your own daughter (if you had one) be in such a marriage.

Ah, but what I do or don't do or will not do in a future hypothetical situation isn't the factor here. When I was younger and was looking to get married, I wouldn't marry a Chinese girl. But that doesn't make marrying a Chinese girl wrong. It's just that our cultures would have too much differences to be easily resolved in a marriage. Some Bengalis I know have tried it, and it worked for them.

I have been brought up in a culture where people wait until they are in their 20s to get married, and they get married to someone close to them in age. Usually the guy is a little bit older. That's what I am comfortable with. But I am not going to superimpose my cultural upbringing on another culture or situation and say, "Oh what a shame".

You may be sorry at a girl in a Bangladeshi village marrying at the age of 16, but perhaps that's what she wants. Maybe this is what they are used to - and they don't know any other life style. It works for them, it makes them happy. If there's some criminal element there like forced marriages or abuse, or poverty or lack of access to clean and safe water etc. those are different issues and we should tackle those.

Let's not forget the real cause of shame.

Over 40% of women are unmarried when they give birth in the United States. The mother of the child that was just born is not married to the father. Over 48% of teens have had sex by the time they are 16. Over 28% of males and 16% of females under the age of 20 have sex with multiple partners. Over 5% of all abortions are by minors. The reasons teens most frequently give for having an abortion are that they are concerned about how having a baby would change their lives, cannot afford a baby now, and do not feel mature enough to raise a child.

A marriage involves being in a legal relationship with someone, having physical intimacy, bearing the responsibility of rearing a family and sacrificing for your kids. It looks like if you do all of these at the ages of 16-19, it's a shame, but if you are a selfish person who just wants physical intimacy, then you are OK.

What a shame.

Why the RIS List of Speakers is Inexcusable

On the very same day that Canada's new government took office with a cabinet that was made up of 50% women, the RIS (the Reviving the Islamic Spirit) Convention released its list of luminary speakers at this year's December convention.

RIS is an annual conference held since 2003, and has become one of the largest Islamic conferences in North America, along with ISNA in the USA. Over 20,000 people attended in 2015, making it the largest Islamic conference in Canada. Yet, year after year, there has been a complaint about the list of speakers at RIS, so one hoped that this year RIS would get it right.

Here is how RIS gets it spectacularly wrong (or doesn't get it at all) .

GENDER EQUALITY

It should not be lost that today was the day Prime Minister Justin Trudeau started his government in Canada and for the first time ever, the cabinet was made up of 50% women. Asked to explain why that was important, he simply - yet so powerfully - replied, "It's 2015."

What about RIS? Let's see how a conference about Islam, which many of these same scholars say gave women equal rights in 620 AD, is doing in 2015.

Out of the 23 speakers listed on the site, only 6 are women. That's merely 26%. Moreover, if the past is any precedent, the women will speak either in the morning, or early evening, while the men will get the prime time evening spots when maximum number of attendees are there. Many of the men are also scheduled to speak multiple times, while most of the women speak only once.

Is it too much to ask that out of 23 speakers, at least 10 be women? I am sure that despite the fact that some women scholars dislike to speak in front of a huge mixed gathering, we can at least find ten in the whole world?

CANADIAN CONTENT

RIS is a Canadian conference, yet where are the Canadian scholars? From the bios provided on the site, I could only find 1 Canadian. If you think women have it bad, that's  0.043%. What about renowned Canadian scholars and imams like Sheikh Yusuf Badat, Imam Dr. Hamid Slimi, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, Sister Ingrid Mattson - just to name a few? We are in Canada, and as recent elections, governance and public discourse has proven, we are a distinct society from the United States. Why should we have a conference where the overwhelming bulk of the speakers are foreigners?

There are plenty of other reasons for criticism of RIS as well. They are too shy of courting political controversies and hence their talks are always very timid. Since Tarek Ramadan published a popular open letter as to why he doesn't attend these conferences anymore, RIS seems to have doubled down on any political activity or call to action for justice.

So if you want a timid, feel good, nothing substantial but overpoweringly fluffy male dominated foreigner populated Islamic conference, please do attend RIS.

Minority Rights on the TTC Subway

So on the subway today, as I was preparing to doze off until my stop, an elderly white gentleman seated beside me suddenly turned to me and said, "Excuse me, are you Muslim?"

When I replied in the affirmative, he said, "Can I ask you a question if you don't mind? Why is it that whenever Muslims come here, or to a Western country, they are all very nice about minority rights, but in Muslim countries minorities are treated like garbage?"

It was a very loaded question, and though he was a soft spoken man, I could see a couple of other people turn in to listen.

"Great," I thought. "Here I go, being the representative of 1.6 billion people."

"Thank you," I told him, "That you asked me. If you have questions about Muslims, go to a Muslim, or to the mosque. Is there any particular Muslim country you are thinking of?"

As chance would have it, he mentioned Bangladesh (how a secular publisher was hacked to death by fundamentalists) and Pakistan (whose Hindu minority is fleeing to India). I then asked him if he followed any religion. Very proudly, he replied he was a Catholic, and sang praises about the current Pope and his tolerance.

"Tell me one thing." I asked him. I was very grateful for the fact that he was willing to listen and engage. "Have the Catholics always been tolerant of minorities? Is there not a history of massacre and mayhem in Catholic history, particularly during the Crusades? Forget the fact that they massacred a whole city of Muslims and Jews in Jerusalem, these knights were personally blessed by the Pope and they killed Orthodox Christians by the thousands!"

He was quiet for a while, and then replied, "But that's in the past, IF it's true. I am talking about the present."

"Do you know who Rana Bhagwandas is?" I asked him. This is where I was glad I recently read about the very two people I would talk about now.

"No." He replied. "Is he Indian?"

"He is actually the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of Pakistan." I replied (I didn't know that he had passed away this year, something I found out when composing this post). "A Hindu. A recent Captain of Pakistan cricket was Yousaf Youhana, a Christian then. Do you know who the current chief justice of Bangladesh is?"

When he said he didn't know, I replied it is a Hindu person as well (I didn't know the name then, but it's Surendra Kumar).

Then I told him, "No doubt, it is not as rosy as it is for minorities in Pakistan and Bangladesh, as it is for Muslims here in Canada. But those countries have other political problems, and religion is just one factor. Many Muslims also die in the political violence there."

"But what about Saudi Arabia?" He said. "You can't build a church there, or drink beer, and the women are treated like animals."

"Have you been to Dubai? Or Beirut?" I asked him. "Those are right next to Saudi."

"I haven't been there," He conceded.

"I lived in the UAE." I told him. "Lots of expatriates there, many of them Christian and they have their own churches and services. They are not allowed to convert anyone though, In Lebanon, by law the President has to be a Christian and the Prime Minister a Muslim."

"But what about Saudi?" He insisted. "It is the home of Islam. In Rome, we recently built the largest mosque in Europe."

"I would think the home of Christianity is in the Holy Land." I really cannot defend Saudi Arabia, so I switched the venue. "Jerusalem, where Christ preached. His Church of Nativity still stands today, after a 1000+ years of Muslim rule. In fact, till today, the person holding the key of the Church is a Muslim, because the Christians are fighting amongst themselves."

I then decided to go on the offensive. "In this country, Canada, the Harper government has spent thousands of your dollar trying to prevent a woman, a Muslim and a minority, from covering her face. Where was the respect for minority rights then? In Quebec, they tried to ban women from covering their hair get government services. Where was the respect for minorities there? In France, women cannot cover their hair and go to school. Is that respect for minority rights?"

"Well..." He was quiet for a bit. "They are immigrants who should respect the culture of the land they moved to, and not try to impose their way on the majority."

"And that," I told him, "is what a fundamentalist in Pakistan, Bangladesh, or Burma would say."

We talked some more, but my stop had arrived, so I shook his hand and departed. I don't know if I changed his mind (he didn't seem convinced), but the hardest part in all of this exchange was for me to maintain my cool.

It would have been so easy to lash out and say "well f*** you the Western imperial army has destroyed the Middle East and support regimes and blah blah f*** you and look at black people being killed in USA" but I don't think that would have accomplished anything. I also went and did some reading on minority rights and the West. Hopefully I will run into this gentleman again.

How Life Changes When You Have Kids

No one really, really tells you how your life will change once you have kids. Every one is like, "aww... how sweet! You are going to be parents! Amazing!"

I remember the first time I had to see a diaper change. It was sometime just after the birth of our first born, when I opened his diaper ... and saw "meconium". For the uninitiated, this looked like something they use when paving roads. I looked at my wife and she looked back at me, and we were both like 'we have no idea how to do this'. Thankfully my mother was there to show us what to do.

I think our adjustment cycle went somewhat like this.
 

Stages of Early Parenthood	What it means
Denial	Nothing has changed. We can still do what we used to do. We actually booked and went on a trip to Thailand with a six month old baby. Poor son.
Religion	It's 3 AM. Please go to sleep. PLEASE! I beg of you. Ya Allah!
Bargaining	The Wife: It's your turn to change him. Me: No, it's YOUR turn. I did it last time. The Wife: No, I did it. Remember it was the big poop and you didn't want to do it. Me: That doesn't count because this time it's pee. I changed the last pee. The Wife: So, the next time he poops you will change him?
Acceptance	You know how we used to say we would be those parents that never let our kids watch TV? Or put them to sleep on schedule? LOL. ROFL. My Netflix used to have all horror movies as my recommendations. Now it's all about Caillou and Bubble Guppies and how they are a reliable baby sitter (don't judge!).
Memory Loss	Oh, remember how cute he was? Why don't we have another one? Nothing will change, really.

Here's some things that are never the same:

Dinner Parties:

Yes, I can do dinner. Can we be done by 7 pm please? Hello? Hello?

Song in my head:

There was a time when I would whistle a Bollywood tune when I am busy. Now I am angry because often the theme song for Thomas and His Friends won't leave my head.

And if you ask any parents, they wouldn't change a thing.

Lego with the Son #1

So recently at Walmart I suddenly spotted the Lego set 76026 on clearance, and picked one up.

This Sunday, with no plans but to stay home and rest, I decided I would build this set with my three-year-old son. Yes, I know the set says age 6 and up, but as everyone knows, Lego age ranges are conservative.

I helped him with some of the tougher steps, and soon he was playing with Grodd and Flash.

"Now, remember." I told him. "Grodd the gorilla is the bad guy, and Flash is the good one."

"But ..." He was puzzled. "All Grodd wants is a banana. What's so bad about that?"

Well, how do you answer that. Soon, all the figures were assembled.

"This is Captain Cold." I told him. "He is also a bad guy."

"I like his gun. I will make him the good guy."

"No! You can't do that." I tried to tell him. "You are playing it wrong."

I left him alone for some time, and then I came back to find all the figures sitting in one spot on the table.

"What are they doing?"

"Well," He said. "They are all watching a movie. They are friends."

OK. I am guessing this was for 6 year olds after all. Three year olds are too innocent!

Tobermory and Cottage

So it has been a busy summer, and therefore a lack of posts here.

Cottage. Now there's a word that has completely flipped its meaning for me. When I was a child, I knew that in Bangladesh, the rich and middle class lived in nice houses and apartments, while the poor people in villages lived in kure ghor, or huts and cottages. Coming here to Canada, a cottage is something a well to do person owns. It's a nice rustic place in a scenic environment, usually by the lake, and far from the maddening crowd of the city.

This summer, we rented a small cottage up north, in the Bruce Peninsula, near the town of Tobermory.

It was nice and modern, so we weren't completely "roughing" it. There was running water, and a hot water tank so we could take hot showers. There was heating and an air conditioner (we didn't need it, even though it was June).

In the humid afternoon you could just sit by the deck chair. We weren't quite by the lake, so we didn't have a lakeside view, but there were places to BBQ and a fireplace if we wanted to build one in the night.

The rooms were amply decorated with sparse but adequate furnishing, and we had a good night sleep after a busy day of excursions. It's also quite a relaxing feeling waking up early morning to a warm cup of tea.

Tobermory is a small town. The whole downtown of it could probably fit between Aisle 1 and 7 of a typical Walmart Supercentre. I was last there in 2009, and not much has changed in what the town offers to tourists and visitors.

Like most visitors, we chose a glass bottom tour to the Flowerpot Island. Be warned, if you have a baby in a stroller (like we did) and another toddler, this is not for you. We didn't know, but there is a ship-to-ship transfer near the island (try doing that in a windy lake with a heavy stroller!) and also, the trails on Flowerpot Island aren't proper wooden paths, so very stroller unfriendly.

The ship sails over shipwrecks that you can see through the glass bottom floor because the water is so clear. However, the best (and stunning) view is from the top deck, where you can truly see the wreck in its entirety.

There's lots of nice vistas and scenic views to take pictures of during the cruise. It reminded me of our Thousand Islands cruise.

The "flowerpots" come into view.

Can you spot the "old man facing out to the lake" in the flowerpot above?

Here's a snap of the two big flowerpots in the same frame on Flowerpot Island.

The turquoise clear blue water is one of the big highlights of Bruce Peninsula.

Of course, I have to include a word about the Fish 'n Chips here. You cannot visit Tobermory without trying the fresh whitefish. It is delicious to the power thousand.

This time, many restaurants also include veggie samosas as an option!

Overall it's a very nice town, and a scenic departure from the usual city life. "Cottaging" and trekking up north is a very Canadian thing to do, it's almost a summer ritual.