Monday, January 18, 2016

Most Irritating South Asian Habits

Don't misquote me - being South Asian is a great thing. I used to joke with my wife that there are two types of people in this world. Desi - and those who wish they were desi.

Of course, being the huge multi cultural amalgam that South Asia is, there are some ... shall we say ... extremely irritating habits that we have that I absolutely, with all my heart, hate. So let's be controversial and list them.

1. Not taking off your shoes or sandals when entering someone's house.

I am going to call out the ladies here. What's with NOT TAKING OFF YOUR SANDALS when you come into someone's house? I know you spent a lot of time putting on your sari and getting the pleats right while wearing your sandals to match for the height, but please take off your bloody sandal when you step foot into the house!

I have decided to stop being polite on this issue and just call out people who do not take off their shoes when entering my house (politely, of course in a passive aggressive manner, we are still Canadian) by sending this article to them in their mail.

2. Picking up someone's baby when clearly you shouldn't.

Humanity, as a whole, have a thing for babies. We love to cuddle them, hug them, pick them up, kiss them, and say nonsense words to them. It's overall a good thing, and no doubt plays a part in the propagation of our species. However this is NOT a good idea when you have a cold and are sneezing and full of germs and antibiotics.

At a party recently this aunty who clearly had the sniffles (btw why are you EVEN AT THE PARTY? Couldn't you call and cancel since you clearly are spreading germs all over but I digress...) wanted to pick up my baby son because she was seeing him after a long while and how much he has grown etc. etc. That's where I stepped in and said, "But aunty you have a cold."

That should have been enough but like a bulldozer that mated with a rhino the comment clearly did not penetrate her consciousness and she replied, "Oh it's just nothing. I don't even have fever any more."

That's when I said, "No aunty, I would prefer you not touch him."

Further discussion was prevented when my son so helpfully decided at that point to burst out crying and shrieking with all of his power so I deftly exited the room with him and deposited him with his mother. Good timing, son!

When I returned I overheard aunty saying to someone (another aunty), "Oh nowadays these kids read too much from online. In my day ..."

3. The Weight Watchers Club

No, this isn't the club of uncles and aunties who are trying to lose weight (although they really could). No, this is the cabal (yeah, that's the right word) of uncles and aunties who have noted down with precision what you used to weigh at a certain point in time and how much you have put on from that time till today. I have written about them before.

I think one day I will really lose it if some uncle tries to make some comment.

"Oh, so you seem to have put on some weight ..."

"Oh, so your daughter is going out with a white boy ..."

4. Not Showing Up For Time. Ever. Even For Your Own Wedding.

I get a wedding card and this is really how it reads.

6 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives
8.30 pm

And this is how I edit it.

6 8 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 9 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 930 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 10.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives  rescheduled after dinner
8.30 11 pm

I think this post is to be continued ....


Safiyyah said...

This one will be controversial: women sitting in the back of the mosque, all lined up on a bench, obviously because "it's that time" while the other ladies and making salah.

Anonymous said...

I love the wedding bit in this post too relatable lol!!