Honestly, some kids are walking advertisements for condoms. How can you, as a parent, visit someone’s house and let your kid run amok, and not care?
Our house is right next to the biggest mosque in Toronto, so on Eid day we have lots of visitors just dropping by after the prayers. One of them happens to be this family with the cutest kid ever – who also happens to be the Boy From Hell.
The kid, no older than 7, decides he was going to be Zidane, which is not bad, except that my 90-gallon aquarium was going to be Materazzi. Backing up, stroking his foot against the carpet like a bull, he charges to head butt the aquarium. I was just thankful to be there at the proper time at the proper place.
"Hey, don’t do that." I tell him.
"Why," He impishly asks me. And then, without warning, he runs at me. Crash!
Then he runs out to our balcony. Thanks to global warming it’s not full of snow as it should be, but instead I had my gym clothes on a stand, drying out. Hellboy decides it would be fun to drop my sweaty t-shirt on the aunty ringing our doorbell at that moment!
"Uff," I catch up with him. "Don’t do that."
"Why?" He asks again. And from below, the aunty, removing my T-shirt from her face, helpfully interjects, “oh beta, he’s just a kid.” Mind your own business, woman!
Then the boy arms his most powerful weapon.
"I am going to go downstairs and tell Mommy you beat me!" Liar! He starts to wail, with an evil grin on his face. And off he runs.
At that moment, my sister’s friend emerges from her room. She was talking on her cell. She finishes, and places the cell on a little table in the lobby. In a flash, the kid takes the cell in his hand and bends it to throw the phone down the stairs.
Hell hath truly no fury like a girl whose cellphone is about to be destroyed. Quicker than the eye could see, my sister’s friend had snatched the phone back, and then had the kid’s hands clasped together in a vice grip. She knelt down to face him.
"You!" In a stern voice she was looking straight at his eyes. I could almost imagine an evil 80s style Bollywood villain laughter in the background score. "You touch my phone again, and I will break your hands. Then I will work my way down and break both your legs. OK?"
The kid nods, his eyes wide.
"And if you even think of crying then I will punch your eyes out and you will never be able to cry again, OK?"
The kid nods again. No one had EVER scolded him before.
"Now go down straight to your mommy, and sit beside her until I TELL YOU TO MOVE, ok?"
She releases the boy, who meekly walks downstairs, all swagger gone, and remained seated beside his mother for the rest of their visit.
My sister’s friend turns to me and says, "Bhaiyya, some kids just need a verbal spanking."
Yes. It was my turn to nod at her.
Especially if their parents don't give them one. I go back to my room.
She called me 'bhaiyya'! *Sniff*