Friday, June 08, 2007

Good or Bad Signs

Signs That Your Parents Are Thinking About Someone's Marriage
(played to the tune of Somebody Is Gonna Get Hurt by Russel Peters)

(Note, I said someone's marriage, so no stupid comments about moi!)
  1. Your mother asks you if there is a hyphen between the words 'bio' and 'data'.
  2. Your father suddenly has Hossain uncle from the travel agency on speed dial.
  3. Your cousins are downloading henna patterns from the Web, and it's not even Eid.
  4. Your mother is suddenly friends with that "flower lady" from the local mall.
If you are a guy:
  1. Your mother goes "maybe it's time you did a Ph.D?" even though it's zero significance to your job.
  2. When you are planning a Vegas trip, your parents hint that you should save that 2G for a more "fruitful" trip.
If you are a girl:
  1. Your mother (it's the mother again!) suddenly going "maybe we should ALL eat more vegetables" *hint hint*.
  2. Your mother signs your email up at the "Daily Indian Recipes Made Easy" website.
  3. Suddenly you are being invited to all these ladies' tafseers.
  4. A phone call from the local telemarketer selling you long distance to Jamaica becomes a source of concern to your father because it was a guy on the phone.
Feel free to add to the list.


Shovon said...

somebody should really beware of who someone's parents introduces them to ;)

squarecut said...

dude, I used to get tafseer invitations at the age 12. I was there until I was 16, and then I migrated to America. Needless to say, I am still single! So... ahem, those tafseer aunties: is that really true? I personally have never encountered any such things though, and they have been all great, mashaAllah! There was no actually NO marriage between the tafeseer aunties' kids as long as I was there, and even afterwards.

ABout PhD's! Dude, don't you think every other boy in the street is a PhD or in a PhD program? Ok, just kidding. But the tide has changed my friend. Women/aunties like this better:
Foreign service folks or diplomats, United Nations (even with their crappy salary of a HS teacher, lol) and some PhDs with the potential of going to the World Bank. In other words, i think the women and the aunties have also become Americanized: all about leadership not about being a tech junkie or a book smart kid anymore. I recently learned that PhDs (mostly technical side)lack a lot more (charming; read: wanted social skills) things than what they can offer. LOL. So the moral of the story, be different, and unique with peace corp, and go to ecuador to save some trees and then go work with the UN/WHO/UNESCO or Foreign Service (women love these guys a little too much) and what not, and women will love ya... :p
So add to your list,
"if you are a guy, your mom asks 'when are you taking the foreign service exam?'"

Shoaib Muhammad said...

lol, oh someone someone, wherefore art thou someone :)

Achelois said...

Two bullet points for a guy Vs Four for a girl! Hmm, so you agree (although subtly) that our society demands a lot more (unfairly) from girls?

AKA said...

Well I thought my dad did overreact to that poor guy trying to sell me a lawn care package - didn't know my dad knew obscenities, but since he was a telemarketer, I'm pretty convinced he deserved it.

If you're a girl:

That suitcase your mom stuffs with items to give to you at your wedding is now out in the hallway being sorted through...

You get asked if you prefer pearl sets or plain gold.

Your parents are suddenly interested in how many of your friends that are your age are married and not married

NAB said...

so what's a tafseer?

Spirit Seeker said...

mother or auntie tells u not so subtly to lose weight, wear heels and talk to that "nice boy" at a wedding/party oh and for good measure listen and hang on to everyword the guy is going to say, coz tht for sure will make you a shoe in with him(!)

purple said...

You know it's not tafseer invitations so much I'd say..or maybe it'd different in the UK. Here (or in my case) it's more let's go to this party and that wedding and ooh let's buy you some more pretty clothes, oh how about a sari, how about 11 more? and why don't you join the gym? Yeah no subtleties here about the weight. Family are usually quite blunt, or is just it mine?

Lotus Reads said...

Very happy to have discovered your blog, will visit again!

Mango. said...

cliche cliche cliche!!!
And tafseers have rarely ever been a hotspot for rishtedari business, I should know since I've practically attended all of them - the ones that we go to at least. And my hookups were done via family. Those are neither good signs or bad signs, they're just cliches!

Anonymous said...

If you are a guy:
1. Your mother wants you home early as possible and do not want you partying late with your friends.
2. Your mother constantly gives examples of cases where male X was a party freak and before he got married, he left all that partying and was a sober lad after marriage.
3. Your mother forces you to go to the gym more often (even though you do go there regularly)

If you are a girl:
1. Your time on internet gets reduced significantly by your parents.
2. Incase you did not have a cell phone with you, your dad will gladly expense a cell phone (and plan).
this could backfire if the girl does not think enough. she could be making calls to guyz and when the bill reaches the hand of pops, thats when the topic of "Signs That Your Parents Are Thinking About Someone's Marriage" takes hot seat
3. Your mother makes sure your diet is nutritious and starts giving you tips on a healthy body and glowing skin.


Anonymous said...

Your parents begin to consider buying you a bottle (nay, 6 bottles) of "fair and lovely."

H-T said...

woah...some experienced people here :P

Snowdrops said...

if the girl doesn't know how to cook, they say, " its about time you learnt how to cook"

or if they're more blatant, "what are you going to cook for your husband?"


mezba said...

Shovon: haha yes. Though it hasn't happened to me (the "covert introduction") I have had some friends who were thus 'introduced' when they weren't even looking, or worse, had someone in mind but their parents didn't known then! ;-)

Squarecut: first, those tafseer aunties - very true! I have heard some stories first hand.

There was no actually NO marriage between the tafseer aunties' kids as long as I was there,

haha that set me up laughing. Personally there has been lot of marriages between MSA "brothers" and "sisters" at our campus lol.

Ya I think the focus on Ph.D.s is a hangover from desiland, nowadays you can have a great career even without a Ph.D. All that materialistic outlook, however, is not good.

Shoaib: you should listen to the song "Something something" by Mika. "Someone" gave it to me!

Achelois: Don't know about the (unfair) demands on girls - I just know the Ph.D. demand takes the cake over all the others. All girls have to do is look good and have a fake smile! hehe...

AKA: but since he was a telemarketer, I'm pretty convinced he deserved it.

Hahaha.... your points are pretty good. Your suitcase reminded me:

If you are a boy

Your mother tells you to start saving a bit every day to pay for all the (useless) GOLD that you have to buy soon.

NAB: Tafseer. Religious meetings where aunties gather to learn about religion from a pious aunty and seek out daughter-in-laws they think are pious.

SpiritSeeker: haha ... so that's why someone was hanging on to every word I said... and here I thought it was my dynamic personality...

Purple: I think all families (especially of girls) are worried about weight - although I think it's a universal issue (and rightly so).

Lotus reads: thank you for your comments and welcome.

Mango: No it's not cliche! :-) Looks like I know a little bit about what goes on in the tafseers than some people who attend haha (yeh ander ki baat hain!)

Behbood: Good ones!

Anon: Oh God not Fair and Lovely! All that is, is just a bleaching thing. Of course, now you have Ultra Fair and Lovely!

h-t: and ...

Snowdrops: haha cooking is important lol the way to a man's heart...

Anjum (barsaat) said...

Apparently that PhD bullet point does not apply only to boys. In an example of how similar-yet-different my parents are, they just yesterday said to me (a girl), "isn't it time you did your master's?" -- for both career development and of course, meeting new people.

mezba said...

Anjum: haha ... and I am now struggling with some masters applications.. oops