Monday, April 17, 2006

Dude, Get Out Of My Car

Note to self: do NOT let a teenager sit in the front seat of your car. Ever.

I am at a party on the weekend when this aunty approaches me.

"Baba, I have to go home a bit early and my husband is still at work. Is it possible for you to give me a ride back? My place is very near."

Being the bhodro chele ('nice' boy) that I am, and calculating to myself that I will be missing at the most ten minutes of the very latest conspiracy theory of why America wants an Iraqi civil war (authored by Uncle Mo), I replied, "ofcourse aunty, I will be delighted to."

So I get in my car. As is the norm, aunty sits in the back seat. Then her teenage son gets in the front passenger seat.

"Strap your belt on." I tell him. He's less than 16 and I, in no way, want to pay his fine if caught.

"Oh it's only a few minutes." He protests. I decide to take advantage of my bhodro chele reputation (it can come in real handy at times) to tell him we must ALWAYS obey the law. His mum now joining my urging, the boy straps up.

"Oh, what a cool car!" He gushes, as I reverse out of the driveway. "Is that a Bose sound system? Wikkkked!"

And then, without warning, he presses the CD button.

Never, never, NEVER, touch another guy's sound system without his permission. And pray, what song emerges from the speakers at full blast?
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I can see (in the rearview mirror, as I am driving down the little road) aunty getting flustered and uncomfortable. I can just imagine her thinking 'and this was such a nice boy. Such awful songs he hears. I wonder what is a hump?'

Very deftly, I reach for the radio button. Good old 24-hour news radio station 680. I can always count on you. I toggle the radio on.

".. conclusively proving that former studies regarding the symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, irregular menstrual cycles, breast tenderness, loss of libido and dryness in the ...."

Somedays you just cannot win.



NAB said...

dryness in the....?

Crimson Mouzi said...

ROFL! Oh how I love that song as long as I don't pay attention to either the lyrics or the meaning of it. But then again, imagine having 50cents blraing your speaker, yikes! Waaaaaaaaay worse. I don't think that would happen unless you have your radio tuned to your local rap station (if there is any) and they start .... all right, i will refrain.

And thanks Nowal for asking that question. I think that's exactly what the brother didn't want to write. LOL@ Nowal!

Em said...

you have a BOSE system in your CAR?!?!?!!

and you blame the kid *rolls eyes*... well of course he should've sought your permission first... nice to see that some of us appreciate the finer things in life ;)

mezba said...

Nowal: You the doctor. ;-)

MFH: There are so many songs that I just ignore the lyrics. Nowadays even Bollywood is beginning to fill up with se xual innuendos and double meanings.

Em: Yes! One of the luxuries I allowed myself.

Shabina said...

i hate that song. it's like those chicks wanted to outdo all the men who objectify them by doing it even better (or worse).

bichara you, and bichara aunty!

mezba said...

Shabina: agree.. but it was so catchy!

Crimson Mouzi said...

and that's why you don't want to know the lyrics. I used to love the song when it played in the radio. Right, I am super cheap, I don't buy CDs. I download them if I really want it badly enough, which doesn't happen too often. So anyway, when my friend was singing it, I paid close attention to the lyrics and stupid me still had not understood anything until she had to break it all down and since then I feel uncomfortable when it plays on the radio. But I really loved the beat. I wish I never knew the "meaning" of the lyrics so that I could actually enjoy the song!

And I decided not to sing along any of these hip hop songs because I did fall into a super embarrassing situation one time when I was saying "to the windowwwwwwwwwwwww, to the wall" I had no idea about the rest o fthe lyrics and my friend's jaw dropped when she heard me singing that line. But I stopped that too ever after she told me the rest of the lyrics, and ouch, it couldn't have been any worse than that!

Just to throw a discussion topic, do you have any idea why black artists (or hip hoppers) always sing dirty stuff? Is it really a racial thing? Except for Eminem (who is also relatively MUCH cleaner than 50 cents), I don't see any white artists going that low down and dirty! It would be interesting to figure out what's going on with this particular group of people!!

and why did I write that long a post? Oh, I just read the whole lyrics and it's so disgusting, but why does it sound so kool?! I am a disgusting human being!

Baraka said...

Hilarious! :)

Isheeta said...

I was laughing so hard reading the poor aunty thoughts....... what is a hump... lol this was too funny for words. thanks for sharing this!

Anonymous said...

hahah...hilarious and PRICELESS

- Behbood

Mariam said...


So did you find out about the Iraqi civil war conspricy? :-)

Aisha said...

LOL, why am I not surprised, this is a great post, I havent had the chance to sit down and fully read it but I finally did, and it didnt disappoint :) I HATE THAT SONG btw!

mezba said...

MFL: I think black artists go down and dirty for three reasons - i) they got much more social problems with crime that whites, so they sing much more about that stuff ii) it sells, and music companies promote those image, and iii) everyone else is doing it. All my unproven theories.

Baraka, IGD, Behbood: Thank you.

Mariam: It's top secret. Beside's it all Isr---'s fault :-)

Aisha: I got tired of that song, but that was after two months of playing it all the time!

Nabeel said...

the lady called you baba?