I am at a party on the weekend when this aunty approaches me.
"Baba, I have to go home a bit early and my husband is still at work. Is it possible for you to give me a ride back? My place is very near."
Being the bhodro chele ('nice' boy) that I am, and calculating to myself that I will be missing at the most ten minutes of the very latest conspiracy theory of why America wants an Iraqi civil war (authored by Uncle Mo), I replied, "ofcourse aunty, I will be delighted to."
So I get in my car. As is the norm, aunty sits in the back seat. Then her teenage son gets in the front passenger seat.
"Strap your belt on." I tell him. He's less than 16 and I, in no way, want to pay his fine if caught.
"Oh it's only a few minutes." He protests. I decide to take advantage of my bhodro chele reputation (it can come in real handy at times) to tell him we must ALWAYS obey the law. His mum now joining my urging, the boy straps up.
"Oh, what a cool car!" He gushes, as I reverse out of the driveway. "Is that a Bose sound system? Wikkkked!"
And then, without warning, he presses the CD button.
Never, never, NEVER, touch another guy's sound system without his permission. And pray, what song emerges from the speakers at full blast?
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)
I can see (in the rearview mirror, as I am driving down the little road) aunty getting flustered and uncomfortable. I can just imagine her thinking 'and this was such a nice boy. Such awful songs he hears. I wonder what is a hump?'
Very deftly, I reach for the radio button. Good old 24-hour news radio station 680. I can always count on you. I toggle the radio on.
".. conclusively proving that former studies regarding the symptoms of menopause, such as hot flashes, irregular menstrual cycles, breast tenderness, loss of libido and dryness in the ...."
Somedays you just cannot win.
Tags: Desi Car Humour