Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Frustrating Reponses When Talking of "Islamic" Mortgage

I will be blunt - whenever I see an ad for an "Islamic" mortgage, or a commercial on how to finance your house "the halal way", my scam alert meter activates. They go through all these fancy brochures explaining their methodology (why? how long does it take to explain how you are lending me money and making a profit?) and at the end of the day, it's interest - just called differently ("profit rate" - whose profit? How do I - the buyer, the borrower - have a "profit rate"?).

The fact that it's all a scam isn't even an outrageous idea; BBC had an article on 'how Islamic is Islamic banking'. The very fact that an Islamic bank can give you a bond (which by its definition is tied to an interest rate), give it an Arabic name (sukook) and thus make it halal tells you all you need to know that most Islamic 'halal' financing is a big scam.

But this post is not about that. This post is about how, when you tell some Muslims this, and why you will be forced to go to a conventional banking for a mortgage, they come up with all sort of statements that frankly says they haven't even spent a minute thinking about the issue.

Why do you need to buy? You can rent all your life?

OK, so unless you have done a comprehensive rent vs mortgage calculation, such as this one in the Financial Post or Toronto Star, you shouldn't be saying this. What it usually means is that you as a Muslim have decided not to borrow from the bank and pay interest due to your religious beliefs (fair point), but because of this you have also decided renting is far better than property ownership (debatable). Most articles that say renting could be better always say could be, or may be, or possibly. They also make a big assumption that you will invest the savings you get when you pay a lower amount of money in rent into the stock market, and that you will invest successfully, and you will have no landlord issues, and so on. Plus, rent is also going up every year.

You don't need to borrow the money, you can save and buy it outright.

Ya, right. Every year the prices continue to rise, and the rate far exceeds an average person's saving grace.

Muslims should reconsider living in the first world where prices are high and buy properties in Muslim countries where its cheaper.

When a scholar actually says this, you don't know whether to laugh or cry. First of all, the price of a house depends on where you live, but so does your earning! I can buy a huge plot of land with a house on it in Rangpur, Bangladesh, for less than my monthly salary in Canada, but what good does that do me? I live here, I need a house here. If I lived in Rangpur, I wouldn't be making the money I make here, so the scale of that house to my earning would be the same scale of a house here to my earning here. It's the same problem.

And anyone who thinks house prices are cheaper in Muslim areas clearly hasn't even done their research (Dubai? Islamabad? Dhaka? - just to give a few) It's this type of lazy speaking that bugs me. Do your research and bring some interesting points to the debate.

Quran says interest is haram. Period. Surah X, verse Y.

Usually accompanied by a Dr. Zakir Naik picture.

Look, no one is arguing that. Or debating that. But the Quran also says eating pork is haram, and we are well aware that Quranic verses do not apply when there's a necessity. If you are in a desert with nothing to eat for days and then you see a pig, you are allowed to kill it and eat.

But we are not in a desert. We can live without purchasing a house. It's not a necessity.

Well, some scholars say it is. Let's debate that, shall we. I am not saying they are right or wrong, but let's hear what they ...

Nowadays scholars will say anything for money. They will say anything is halal. It's contradictory to the Quran!

Exactly! So is "Islamic" financing, yet Muslims seemingly ignore those issues because it has an Islamic label to it. Again, I am not saying let's all go to CIBC and borrow some cash, I am saying let's talk about this intelligently.

There's nothing to discuss. Interest is haram. Period. You don't need to buy a house, you can rent it.

Aaaaaand we are back to square one.

Look, just pray 12 rakat daily and you will get a house in Jannah. Ha ha.

What. The. Fiqh.

That's like a person who cut his finger going to the doctor and the doctor is saying don't worry, in jannah you will be a young beautiful man with a houri. Solve the problem here and now.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Most Irritating South Asian Habits

Don't misquote me - being South Asian is a great thing. I used to joke with my wife that there are two types of people in this world. Desi - and those who wish they were desi.

Of course, being the huge multi cultural amalgam that South Asia is, there are some ... shall we say ... extremely irritating habits that we have that I absolutely, with all my heart, hate. So let's be controversial and list them.

1. Not taking off your shoes or sandals when entering someone's house.

I am going to call out the ladies here. What's with NOT TAKING OFF YOUR SANDALS when you come into someone's house? I know you spent a lot of time putting on your sari and getting the pleats right while wearing your sandals to match for the height, but please take off your bloody sandal when you step foot into the house!

I have decided to stop being polite on this issue and just call out people who do not take off their shoes when entering my house (politely, of course in a passive aggressive manner, we are still Canadian) by sending this article to them in their mail.

2. Picking up someone's baby when clearly you shouldn't.

Humanity, as a whole, have a thing for babies. We love to cuddle them, hug them, pick them up, kiss them, and say nonsense words to them. It's overall a good thing, and no doubt plays a part in the propagation of our species. However this is NOT a good idea when you have a cold and are sneezing and full of germs and antibiotics.

At a party recently this aunty who clearly had the sniffles (btw why are you EVEN AT THE PARTY? Couldn't you call and cancel since you clearly are spreading germs all over but I digress...) wanted to pick up my baby son because she was seeing him after a long while and how much he has grown etc. etc. That's where I stepped in and said, "But aunty you have a cold."

That should have been enough but like a bulldozer that mated with a rhino the comment clearly did not penetrate her consciousness and she replied, "Oh it's just nothing. I don't even have fever any more."

That's when I said, "No aunty, I would prefer you not touch him."

Further discussion was prevented when my son so helpfully decided at that point to burst out crying and shrieking with all of his power so I deftly exited the room with him and deposited him with his mother. Good timing, son!

When I returned I overheard aunty saying to someone (another aunty), "Oh nowadays these kids read too much from online. In my day ..."

3. The Weight Watchers Club

No, this isn't the club of uncles and aunties who are trying to lose weight (although they really could). No, this is the cabal (yeah, that's the right word) of uncles and aunties who have noted down with precision what you used to weigh at a certain point in time and how much you have put on from that time till today. I have written about them before.

I think one day I will really lose it if some uncle tries to make some comment.

"Oh, so you seem to have put on some weight ..."

"Oh, so your daughter is going out with a white boy ..."

4. Not Showing Up For Time. Ever. Even For Your Own Wedding.

I get a wedding card and this is really how it reads.

6 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives
8.30 pm
Dinner

And this is how I edit it.

6 8 pm
Arrival of the guests.
6.30 9 pm
Entrance of the Bride and Groom.
7 930 pm
Nikah Ceremony
7.30 10.30 pm
Cake cutting ceremony and speeches
8 pm Skit by the couple's friends and relatives  rescheduled after dinner
8.30 11 pm
Dinner


I think this post is to be continued ....

Monday, December 28, 2015

Bajirao Mastani The Latest in a Revisionist Agenda

Bajirao Mastani is the latest attempt by a revisionist agenda of corporate India to highlight any non-Muslim figures in the history of India. Before recent times, the fact remains that the glory of India has always been under Muslim rule for over the last 1000 years - from the Delhi Sultanate to the Mughal empire.Yet the Indian media only highlights Akbar (and to some extent Shah Jahan) because Akbar was the least Muslim of the lot. He founded his own religion (Dil Ilahi) and married a Rajput princess. He is the one glorified today in India and the rest of these Muslim rulers - who led India to heights that she hasn't reached even today - are forgotten. Some are actually vilified - such as Aurangzeb - with allegations against him debunked by many historians yet repeated all the time by those with a Hindutva agenda.


Instead, we are taught about the greatness of a man Bajirao, a petty man who managed to carve a little country for himself when the Mughal empire was in decline, and who actually hastened the decline leading to the acceleration of British control over all of India. Similarly they highlight the story of another loser called Maha Rana Pratap, who sniped at the Mughals from the sides and again gave the British an opening they wanted. Meanwhile, real heroes who faught against the British such as Haidar Ali and Tipu Sultan - no movies are made about them because they happen to be Muslim.

The inconvenient fact remains that for the vast majority of Indians, going from Muslim rule to British rule was merely a change of masters (and the British were the far cruel masters). Only the Muslims were affected as they used to be in power, so they fought for freedom. Not until the War of Independence (or the Indian Mutiny) did the rest of India join them. Gandhi was a much flawed man whose tactics did not win India independence - it was the guerrilla attacks by many others (such as Bhagat Singh and Master ji) and the pressure of American diplomacy amongst other factors that caused it. Gandhi did not even want independence; he wanted India to be made into a dominion. Yet today he is the father of a nation.

Monday, December 14, 2015

A Guide for my Pakistani Friends About 1971


  1. Realize that no matter how close we are, 1971 is a sensitive topic. Never, even jokingly, refer to modern Bangladesh as 'East Pakistan'. In fact, NEVER joke about 1971.
  2. Realize that we do not blame you personally or hold you personally responsible for 1971 in any way. We do, however, blame your government for trying to whitewash history and pretend nothing happened.
  3. Never say, 'oh, but both sides committed atrocities'. The scale does not even compare. It's like the Nazis saying, after they have gassed thousands of Jews, that one of them threw a rock at us.
  4. I know it's hard for you to comprehend, but the army that you look up to and revere, has committed horrible war crimes, genocides and atrocities.
  5. Never say 'it's the past and we should forget it in the spirit of forgiveness and brotherhood'. Forgiveness can only be given to those that sincerely repent and ask for it. Your government has denied any atrocities, let alone ask for forgiveness.
  6. Do not automatically start speaking to a Bengali person in Urdu. Know about 1952, and ask for permission first.
  7. Visit Bangladesh. You will find almost all Pakistanis speaking positively about their time there, and visit the War Museum in Dhaka. Educate yourself about your own history.
  8. Ask your own government and challenge your own countrymen as to why 1952, 1971 are forgotten chapters in your history.
  9. Finally, stop blaming India or Indian conspiracies and start building your own country. Start tolerating, no rather, start accepting those who speak and think and believe differently than you. The mistakes you made in 1971 are being repeated today in your country on the Ahmedis and on Baluchistan. Why?