Monday, July 24, 2006

Why Guys May Think (Twice) Before Getting Married

I attended a friend's Gaye Holud ceremony recently, which is a type of Mehndi-type Bengali ceremony. It goes something like this. You sit the bride and groom (nowadays it's just one ceremony together), grab the largest sweets (I have a fascination with gulab jamuns) you see and stuff them into the guy's mouth. Then you grab this yellow powder thing (called Holud) and rub it on the bride's face. It's supposed to make her fairer.

Anyways, I was at the event, taking in the delightful madness of it all, the friends of the bride showing some slick dance moves (and I mean slick) when I started to notice things. As a blogger, sometimes you notice something and go 'oh that would be so blog-post-worthy and file it away under your things-to-blog category'. I don't know if you have ever done that; I have.

So here's what I notice. Uncles who have a reputation as a tough dude meekly holding their wife's purses while the aunties dab their noses with fake brand name makeup. Uncles timidly following their wives who weave through the crowd to greet various people, even though they would rather be sitting in the corner discussing Harper's latest mishap with other uncles.

Few men, though not as bad as the walkman-carrying-Chinese dude, were similarly emasculated. Now I have been told that this is not 'sissy behaviour' at all - it's nice and sweet and thoughtful and romantic. Interestingly these comments are from girls. I guess I have not yet met that person for whom I can stand in the rain holding a purse, so until then I would not understand this behaviour.

However, as I reflected on this, I remembered Nowal's post To be married or not to be...?. I have made some interesting (and extremely sexist) comments there, which I can now elaborate (all in the name of humour, ofcourse).

Why Guys May Think (Twice) Before Getting Married

  • No more impromptu poker night. Yes, T called after work suggesting it, but wifey called immediately ordering you to bring milk.

  • When going anywhere with your wife, add 2 hrs to the itinery. She takes 1 hr to get ready. Then you gotta drive 10 km below the speed limit, which is probably 40 km less than your normal driving speed. Finally, just before you pull into your destination, wife wants you to pause while she checks her make-up again.

  • Before you reach your destination, you have to stop and ask for directions (which you hate) because wife didn't copy them properly in the first place.

  • While your wife may want you to be fiscally smart, try the following explanation with her.

    "Honey I spent $30 on the fishing license. There's 10 summer weekends I can go fishing, so every weekend I am not fishing I am losing $3. Do you want me to lose money? Um... Honey? Where are you going?"

  • No more msn ... or yahoo ... because wife will be staring over your shoulder every time you want to talk to barbie_007_4_u

  • [submitted by my friend who saw me making this list]my reason not to marry ... so that I can fart comfortably in my sleep

  • Your wife may not like the above friend coz he's like Duprey. Then he crashes over. And you got a problem.

    In conclusion, life is unfair.

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  • 10 comments:

    NAB said...

    Dear God. And I am the same girl who was telling maa and aunty to find me a boy yesterday (new criterion: tall). And actually, umm, I sort of have met men of those kinds. The one who drool and slave after their wives. Guess they're not all that bad.

    That was a HILARIOUS list! Yet funnily enough, it's all my guy friends who are after me to find them a patri at 21. Girls couldn't care less. So apparently there's more to it! :P

    Shabina said...

    hmm...is it weird that my brothers take longer to get ready than i do? and that i'm usually the one who's told to slow down while driving? and that i'm already lamenting those days that i shall no longer be able to enjoy late-night rendezvous with my girls because (far-in-the-future) hubby at home is pouting?

    i guess the grass is always greener, no?

    :)

    Aisha said...

    I profoundly disagree with you Mezba! My hubby takes longer than me. I take fantastic directions and without us we'd prob be settled in Alaska after having given up finding our way home. You will probably fart in your sleep regardless and her poke will go unnoticed. :)

    Seriously though, I do hear a lot of guys complain about lack of hanging out bc/ she wants him home But not all girls are like this. I'm not. I appreciate my own life and he does his Ofcourse we do a lot together but having your own friends is important to Insh'allah you'll find someone like that.

    Crimson Mouzi said...

    That is NOT true! I am not married but I am a girl myself, and I drive like 20-25 miles ABOVE the speed limit and if I ever get married (seeing how all Muslims/BDeshi men already dating, chances are slim that I will get married), I don't think "his" speed limit will have to go down.
    And the hanging out thing: I guess, it's really a matter of your priority. It's really important to be able to have personal space but at the same time, if wifey asks for milk, most likely the milk is for your kid and hence, you decide whether or not you want to just hang out with friends "irresponsibly" or you want to do something for your family. I mean as long as it's not an "onnay aabdaar" I guess it's all good, hehe.
    Now I know, you will never want to get married, lol

    mezba said...

    Nowal: maybe your friendsjust want a patri.. not a wife.. j/k ya life is unfair that way.

    Shabina: You drive fast AND get dressed fast? yes its wierd (j/k.. again).

    Aisha: lol about the Alaska. It is true that we hate to get directions. But then again, we love to show off our toys *hint* GPS system for car *hint* problem solved *wink*

    MFH: Kids?!!!! Quelle horror! That's another blog entry. Adda is always a priority
    ;-)

    Zak said...

    can't argue with that conclusion lol

    The Bengali Fob said...

    You kids are too funny! LOL!

    Wait. I'm the youngest one here...

    All you folks will get a speeding ticket from me when I grow up and become a cop! (Yea, that's never gonna happen) However, I'll probably have to mail you your fine because I'm such a good law abiding citizen on the road unlike you folks! (Read- BFob drives slow. I think I got my Dad's genes...)

    sonia said...

    Ho ho and im sure we can come up with a list as to why a gal shouldn't get married..

    and i'm pretty sure it would be MUCH Longer!

    ladies - who's up for creating this list?

    Anonymous said...

    @ sonia

    u sure u have the time?

    Anonymous said...

    oh that was me

    -SH