Saturday, July 01, 2006

Superman Returns Sucks

Superman Returns Sucks.

If you are a girl you might like the movie. If I want to see a 3 hour borefest where the hero can punch up 10 people at the same time while having love troubles with his girl friend who is engaged to some else and have issues with his father at the same time, I would rather watch a Bollywood movie.

The movie is named 'Superman Returns'. It should have been renamed 'The Man Who Spies On Lois Lane And Imagines Her Naked With His X-Ray Vision Returns'. The story is littered with logical flaws. The cape is not red - it is purple. The blue is not the sky blue we grew up with, it's dark indigo. I could go on and on.

The reason I said girls might like it is because the whole frigging movie has only ONE action scene. The plane one. That's it. The rest are crap. It's more about *guys make a face here* love and feeeeeelings.

Do I (A Superman) Love Lois Lane?
Does She Love Me (remember: I am Superman)?
Why The Hell Does Lois Lane Have a 1930s Hairstyle in 2006?

Oh, and if you want a Pulitzer Prize, appararently all you have to do is trash your boyfriend in your local newspaper after a bad breakup.

Anyways, I am done ranting. I know people will watch the movie regardless, but if you want to save yourself some grief and a few hours of expensive sleeping, go watch Krrish instead.

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11 comments:

Shabina said...

!!!!

I most definitely disagree with your assessment. Just because there wasn't a lot of dishoom didn't mean there was no action!

Yes, logistical flaws abounded, but even the WSJ's Pulitzer Prize film critic said he was willing to overlook them because of all that the movie had to offer us.

Trips down memory lane are preciously few and far between. Enjoy them while you can!

ps...I want to see Krrish...what were your thoughts?

mezba said...

I didnt see Krish yet, but those who did praised the movie, even English movie lovers. I tend to agree, Rakesh Roshan knows how to make masala movies the common man loves. He knows how to entertain.

The Bengali Fob said...

Mezba, you say feeelings like it's a bad thing!

Tim said...

I absolutely agree with your assessment. Singer's "Superman Returns" tries way too hard to complicate something that beautifully uncomplicated in order to modernize.

Superman has never seemed so smaller than life after this film.

as far as the whole romantic/love triangle/dysfunctional family aspect...leave that to the daytime talk shows...this is Superman...something good and pure that should be handled that way!

Anonymous said...

Superman Returns SUCKS BIG TIME...Okay so he returned...NOW GO AWAY!

Anonymous said...

Tim's right superman returns sucked, firstly its too long, next you get the impression that the movie treats superman as an overly obsessed ex boyfriend then a godly superhero and the romance dominates too much of the movie.

Anonymous said...

IT REALLY SUCKS! Two Thumbs DOWN!
Quote "as far as the whole romantic/love triangle/dysfunctional family aspect..."
LOL, leave that to Jerry Springer Show.

Anonymous said...

Having grown up watching the first Superman movies, thinking they were amazing (3 and definetly 4 aside) I had high hopes for Superman Returns. Half a billion dollars spent on what? was one of the questions I came away asking. The others range from the awful script. Why include the Krypton thing? why was Superman going to back to Krypton if Kryptonite kills him? If they had to put it in the story, why not put something interesting into the story from it, other than using it as a feeble, irrelevant excuse as to why Superman leaves Earth for 5 or whatever years??? Are the other investigative journalists so stupid as to not even get suspicious that Clark uncoincidentally walks back into his exact same job, just as Superman steps back into his, and he looks exactly like Superman except he is wearing glasses??? At least Christoper Reeve when playing Clark was a complete bumbling idiot, not like this new Clark, who tries to imitate Reeve by pushing up his glasses occasionally. Too many questions I could go on and on...

To sum up, the only good part of this movie was the plane crash scene. The rest was just like, oh a person drowning, oh look a person falling, oh look the people are going to get crushed by a falling object, I wonder what will happen? Predicatble, slow, creepy Superman, even creepier son of Superman, (looked like that Home Alone kid, with long hair!)forget all the hype, this is a dissapointing continuation from film 4.

Singer, you should have made the story starting from the beginning and brought that up to date, as this was a pile of horse excrement like your X-Men movies. I feel like the kid who was promised a X-Box 360 for christmas but who ended up with a Sega Megadrive.

Save your money and watch the first two movies again instead.

And I vote get Peter Jackson to do the next Superman movie!

(oh what is there left from my childhood that has not been desecrated, Star Wars, the Dukes of Hazard, Starsky and Hutch and now Superman!)

rant rant rant rant

Anonymous said...

Could not agree more with the post above mine. This is a terrible movie, right up there in the hall of shame with blockbuster garbage like War of the worlds (Tom Cruise version). Apparently Superman forgot all of his previous superhero-ing and lost most of his super brains as he attempts to save a plane in a most assinine fashion. Guess what ? The assinine plane scene was the best part of the movie... Really, really, hated the semi-retarded superkid. The script for this movie is not fit for toilet paper. Brandon Routh tried desperately to do a Chris Reeve impression as Clark Kent and failed miserably. Was it just me or does Routh look a lot like Jason Schwartzman did in Rushmore ?? The Hollywood bigwigs need to stop using their relatives and hire some real actors. Superman Returns is pure trash, avoid it like the plague.

Anonymous said...

HATERS! Man superman returns was a nice flick that left alot of room for the sequel to rock hard. Now people keep crying superman followed lois superman followed lois. Face facts supermans always been soft ok there I said it. When he's in his "alter ego" He has no pimp skill thats why lois wont fuck with him he has to be ultra invicble man to get any type of love from any chick. Bruce wayne-pimp peter parker- mack clark kent weird nerd guy now I like that though cause he is awkard ok and the fact he was stalking lois and all I mean what else does SUPER man have to worry about I mean he does stuff all the other little super heroes would have use all their ablities to accomplish without breaking a sweat then does it five more times before lunch. But like I said superman is a punk I mean sure he has the ultimate powers but the first time he fought someone who he couldnt just smash on he got beat to death no kryptonite involved. But as it goes you either love the character or you love to hate him. This movie is a classic just because it is superman the legendary super man. And super boys a gangster he hit a dude with a fuckin piano
"krrrrryptonite"-made the whole movie worth watching

Grant said...

While I didn't hate this movie and found it entertaining it could been sooo much better. Firstly the whole premise of this movie is silly, I doubt he would leave the woman he loves for all that time just to check out his dead homeworld. Also its clear Singer doesn't know much about Superman because there are alot of villains besides Lex Luthor he could have put in this (Brainiac, Doomsday, Darkseid, Metallo, Bizarro... just to name a few) but no let's just keep doing the same 'Lex uses Kryptonite to beat Superman' routine. Then there's the costume, it just didn't look right, did anyone else think the red looked more like brown? As films go this movie is great, but as a comicbook adaption its a disapointment. Nice try Singer but get it right next time.