Monday, February 12, 2007

The Memo Of 5

I saw this sometime ago and thought it would be a great thing to do.

5 things I wish to do before I die:

1. Get married. I hope to do that loooooong before I die. Like soon. Honest.
I even made a list of pros and cons and debated the cons. The cons won out
too. But still ...

2. Go to a disco after I do no. 1 (with my no. 1). Do they still call it a disco? Look, I could have said I wanted to go to the Great Wall of China or go seal hunting near the North Pole or bungee jumping down Grand Canyon, but I wanted to Keep It Real.

3. Own a couple of condominiums. Working on it for sometime. But every time I go near the goal, they move the posts.

4. Convert someone to Islam. Well, everything cannot be about this world (also, I heard the fastest growing group of Muslims is Hispanic young women).

5. Get my book published. I actually made up no. 5 right now. I have half a
book sitting on my hard disk for the last 3 years.

5 types of people I hate: (only 5?)

1. Pseudo-religious people. Guys with beards who curse are at the top of the list. It's not that they just make out or curse or drink that's bad. It's their sense of hypocrisy, that "I-am-better-than-you because I-wear-this-cloth" or "I-have-more-facial-hair" attitude.

2. Mean people who are just mean. I am naturally nice and kind (but naturally!) unless someone ticks me off. I don't go around looking to just cause someone trouble and I expect the world to behave that way. Doesn't work.

3. Welfare frauds. Look, I know you are scamming the system. You don't need to boast about it in the iftar party.

4. Ultra-Liberal muslims. I don't care if you are religious or not. Seriously. Just don't MAKE UP stuff, OK? Those that go - "prayer was just Allah's excuse to make Muslims meet each other to be friends, and whether you meet at a mosque or at a bar as long as you meet". Also, the "I am going to pray in Bangla" guy.

5. People who think it's cool to mistreat animals like cats, dogs, pigs, etc.

5 Things I say often:

1. Ekta hoileii hoy.. literally means "whatever, anything will do". Usually said in reply to 'do you want the A/c on or off', 'do you want to watch Zee or Sony', 'do you want meat or fish'. Still not reached that point where I reply this to the no. 1 on my first list yet.

2. "Eeeeesh" - literally meaning "Eeeeesh".

3. WTF. I have to cut down on this. But I find it hard as so many people around me behave in ways that are so wtf-worthy.

4. "Well ..." - My diplomatic answer to various diverse types of questions such as "what do you think of so-and-so's new wife" to "is cheese better with egg and bagel or tomato?". Usually appended by "it depends".

5. "Inshallah." - it means "when God wills". The catch-all phrase I use when I don't want to promise to do something that I have to.

13 comments:

Farah said...

lol @ the "Inshallah". That's standard for Middle East people. One other one is "Bukran bukran".

leibniz said...

One item on the list is kind of weird but I guess its the weirdness in all of us that makes us who we are. :p

Is it just me may be Mezba is trying to (unconsciously) combine 2 and 4 in his list of things?

mezba said...

Farah: Eeeesh! I hadn't even finished editing yet lol you need to get a blog inshallah.

Em said...

Salaam.
You're authoring a book? That's fantastic... it's not your thesis on women, is it?

And how goes on the marriage front? "Like soon" sounds like you're out with a lantern already...

mezba said...

Leibniz: man you are funny. No, no dawah 'disco dancing' here. I just mentioned the fact in no.4 just as a trivia for readers. Really *angel*

btw Leibniz, you still haven't give us a post that you promised.

Em: haha, no "not out with a lantern" yet. I believe when it will happen it has to happen and no use rushing it.

'liya said...

Your #4 in each category describes how I think/feel/say too - especially the last #4 - I say that to my class all the time lol.

Suroor said...

"I am going to pray in Bangla" - that is cute!

leibniz said...

its up now.

Anonymous said...

3. Welfare frauds. Now that also gets me "ticking". All these show-offs, I got this and that(yes!!!from stealing!!!).That is what I call it, you don't need to break-in to someone's place to steal, the pple who are cheating the system are "bigger" thieves. You should see their lifestyles and how they complain they still have nothing! Sheeesh! sf

Ruby said...

"prayer was just Allah's excuse to make Muslims meet each other to be friends, and whether you meet at a mosque or at a bar as long as you meet".

*scratches head in absolute confusion*

Anonymous said...

What about praying in Bangla gets you ticked off?

Siyam

mezba said...

Liya: oh so you are like that teacher who when asked what's coming on the exam will say, "Well...." :-)

Suroor: believe me I had someone decide they are going to say the 5 daily prayers in Bangla.

Leibniz: checking it out, commented already.

sf: exactly! it's not that they are boasting about beating a speeding ticket, c'mon we all know the cop was just filling his quota. This is like total stealing.

Ruby: trust me I have heard this from someone who tried to dissuage me from praying. I mean people don't pray that's fine they are answerable for their actions, but trying to make up some logic for me to give up praying was ... very .. funny in hindsight.

Siyam: I am not talking about praying to God to help me pass the driving test... no this is about the five daily prayers which must be done ritualistically - in Arabic.

everythingiseventual said...

"Welfare frauds. Look, I know you are scamming the system. You don't need to boast about it in the iftar party." DUDE you are soo funny! seriously i love your stuff, thank you for making me laugh.