Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The iPhone Disease

If you are like me, you probably have a lot of friends (usually of the female variety) who are hooked on to their iPhones, swear by it and at every possible moment try to impress upon you as to how urgently you require an iPhone.

Now I can still have my (very) old phone, and an even older plan, as a result of which I would not pay Robbers Rogers a huge hefty monthly bill in data plans, and can concentrate on paying down my even heftier student loan first. However, this post is not about the telecommunications industry in Canada nor a discussion on where the idea of not being online all the time was viewed as common sense, but of a particular and a very contagious disease.

The iPhone disease.

This disease (it can be classified as a mental illness) manifests itself in many ways. Following are some symptoms.

I Have an App For That

Every normal conversation with an iPhone holder is interrupted with this favourite phrase of theirs. For example,

You: "I want to see how Ironman 2 is."

iPhone User: "Oh wait, I can tell you. I have an App for that. It's called Movie Review For Dummies iMovie."

[5 minutes of caressing the iPhone later]

iPhone User: "it has 3.5 stars ..."

You: "Hmm. I have some time to kill. I wonder where it's playing."

iPhone User: "Oh wait, I can tell you. I have an App for that. It's called Theatre For Dummies iTheatre."

[5 more minutes of caressing the iPhone later]

iPhone User: "it's playing in X, Y and Z. Do you want to book tickets? Coz... I have an App for that as well."

Touching the iPhone

Every iPhone user has to touch the iPhone every 5 minutes or less. It's a built in withdrawal symptom. Try it - talk to an iPhone user for 5 minutes and see if they don't whip out the monstrous brick every 5 minutes or less. You may be having a perfect conversation with them but they will still take it out, check something on it and then remark to you, "Oh isn't that funny? Look what Mike posted!"

Do I care what Mike posted? I was talking to you!

If it's not checking their email, or boasting about an app (see above), it's tweeting. Again, you will be having dinner, and the iPhone user will be tweeting:

"having dinner with @so-and-so. #fun!"

Why do you do this? It would be pathetic if not for the other iPhone user tweeting back:

"@iPhoneUser1 you too? Me too! #goodtimes #fun"

It's all an excuse to touch the iPhone.

Comparing Notes

As soon the iPhone user comes into contact with another iPhone user, there is some sort of signal which allows them to ascertain that the other person also belongs to this not-so-exclusive club. They will instantly both whip out their iPhones (see point above) and start comparing notes.

"Oh, what a nice skin."

"Oh, that's a nice screen filter."

"Oh, do you have this app? You must get this app. It tells you how much battery the other apps are using!"

"Oh really, nice! Btw you MUST get this app. It makes snide remarks about anyone not having phone with a data plan!"

"Oh lovely! But you MUST get this latest app. It automatically calculates how much happiness the iPhone is giving you and transfers an equivalent amount of money to Apple immediately."

"SWEET!"

So, if you and your friends have an iPhone, do check that you do not succumb to this deadly disease. It's very curable, I tell you.

- Posted from my iPhone

26 comments:

Suroor said...

Thank God I don't have an iPhone! It is BB that is the absolute craze here!

shaz said...

funny!

i have an iPhone. however, i may not have the disease...is it possible?? i don't have apps for anything!! i do check my mail a hell of a lot, but that's about it. i use it as an iPod a lot. i use my business management tools. but that's about it... lame iPhone user? and i RARELY ever tweet anything! :(

mezba said...

Suroor, I can believe the craze, but you rarely see Blackberry people so evangelical about their phones here.

Shaz, use it as an ipod lol. Somewhere Steve Jobs is crestfallen haha.

Muslim Girl said...

Lol I don't have an iPhone, but I can see all the hype about it. I'm actually glad I don't because I think I would check my email 24/7 then.

TManiac said...

Hey Mez, yea, I read your blog post on the iPhone craze. I'm just fed up at how dependent we have become on such technology. Thankfully, I don't have the iPhone, and nope I don't have Facebook either (got rid of that completely, as I was wasting too much time on that stupid website).

Technology, such as smartphones, have made our lives complex indeed.

mezba said...

Muslim Girl, the only new device that I have embraced whole heartedly is the GPS. It has made life of printing maps and getting lost on highways for an hour a thing of the past. I don't see the utility of a smart phone. I don't NEED to check my email 24/7, nor tweet about mundane stuff.

Taha, this post wasn't meant to belittle technology but I think the iPhone is completely overrated.

Facebook to me still serves a very useful purpose but I am increasingly wary of their lack of respect to privacy.

'liya said...

I guess I'm just not into the whole phone craze. I just have a regular cell phone and barely even check it. Actually, not even sure where it is right now!

I have confiscated a bunch of interesting gadgets from students some of which I believe may be iPhones :D

Safiyyah said...

Salaams!

I LOVE my iPhone! Used to have a Blackberry, and it doesn't compare IMO. I like my iPhone because it is touch screen which is good for my disability. Those little BB buttons used to lock up with fingers and hands :(

Naeem: said...

AA-

Funny post. I must admit I was all into the apps of my iphone at first, but the shine soon wore off, and now I basically just use it for calls, sms, and the ipod. The only real app I use is the prayer time one, which is really useful here in Riyadh, what with all the stores closed 10minutes before prayers.

btw, what possible benefits do you see with FB?

Organica said...

I'm iPhone and the iphone 3G was my idea :P

Fird said...

LMFAO. Spot on man. I've transited from Nokia dumbphone, to Nokia smartphone, to Blackberry and to the iPhone 3G.

None of the other devices made me do all those stuff that you mentioned, except the iPhone.

Hi, my name is Fird, and I'm and iPhone user, I haven't been saying "there's an app for that" for three days.

Oh. Shit. There I go again.

Cursed.

mystic-soul said...

I still have my old phone and old plan. And I testify I am a very happy person. Its a curse to be with cousins carrying iPhone...

Nadia said...

I'm not crazy about phones; mine is an old Nokia model. But Masood just bought himself an iPhone and thankfully, he doesn't have the disease - yet :D

LOL @ your last line: "Posted from my iPhone"

mezba said...

And the award goes to Nadia for ... getting to that in my reply to her ...

Liya, lol I keep losing my phone all the time too, and then will have to call it from some other phone to know where it is. The Wife has an iphone and we had to take it back to the shop and they were trying to put the blame on us (some water indicator thing) and it was barely a few days old!!!

Safiyyah, yes, I would get carpal tunnel (is that the right spelling?) on a BB - I don't know how people can text so fast on those!

Naeem, for me, Facebook used to be quite good because I have a far flung family (with many first cousins spread all over the world) so Facebook is a good way for everyone to share pictures and keep updated on everyone else. I used it to keep in touch with people.

However lately I am getting turned off by Facebook with the amount of privacy breaches they themselves are committing. I have a very closed Facebook (only real friends on it, and I practice profile segregation with limited) but still it is worrying.

Organica, :-P lol touche!

Fird, welcome to my blog.

Mystic-soul, someone can relate! And The Wife has one!

Nadia, and you get THE AWARD for noticing that little snippet. It's my way of saying the iPhone is not that annoying, but it's evangelical users can be! :-)

Anonymous said...

When did you get married?!!! Congratulations! I was looking through some of your older posts, and I found out you went and got yourself a wife! Hope you're really happy in your new life!

Barakallah feekum.

lovetodaydream said...

haha!!! Well, the thing is here not many people have Iphones yet, it is quite expensive and the data plans are expensive as well, so you don't see that much craze about it.

I would love to have one though!!!

youngMuslimah said...

true! i have a friend with an iPhone and every 5 min she flips it out to check something. i dont know but my brother said iPhone is really not what everyone makes it out to be. i have nokia 5800 xpressmusic and im lovin it :)my dad has samsung touch and i like it even better than mine lol

youngMuslimah said...

lol @liya hehe my sister is just like you! ask her where here phone is and she shrugs 'i dont know'. i try calling from my phone to search for her's and it's always either on silent or switched off.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha. I still have my *old phone* which I had to get not so long ago(well,I didn't jump into that bandwagon soon). I got it because I had to be able to reach my kid's school or vice-versa should they need me. I still keep on forgetting to put it in my bag when I go out. sf

Azra said...

Hahaha. Here in SA, the iPhone is second to Blackberry... every second person has a Blackberry including my entire family, it's quite sickening actually.

I have bad luck with phones and usually break/loose them every few months so I tend to keep it economical, plain and simple and I love my Nokia 5120 :)

Zerin said...

haha nice post! i also have a Sony Ericsson, but an even older model that I refuse to update. It works GREAT! Hmm I know quite alot of people (yes young people) with old sony ericsson's. maybe it promotes customer loayalty!
-tani

Anonymous said...

A recent survey noted that young people do everything using their hp except talk!

Basically it was invented for that purpose but it seems to have over exceeded it's limits so much so that esp young people have become detached or isolated from friends and relations.It's sad actually.

Lat

mezba said...

Anon, thanks!

Lovetodaydream, it's not a bad piece of equipment - fault is the users :-) here too the data plan is expensive, it costs The Wife close to $70/month in voice+data plans.

Young Muslimah, to me it's just a phone. I really don't do much with a phone other than talk (what a phone is for). I mean, it's nice to be able to google something but how often is that the case.

Sf, you sound like my dad! He always forgets to take the 'emergency' phone when he leaves.

Azra, you sound like me! I try to pay as less as possible for the phone. I hardly use it!

Zerin, the sound on those sony ericsson is just too great with the MP3. Iphone doesn't come close.

Lat, it's sad really. People would rather write on each other's facebook walls rather than just talk.

sunehra said...

Guilty :(

sana said...

lol....i cant stop laughing...
that's a great way to tease my husband who is always showing off his iphone (with countless number of apps...for dummies!!!)
great post!

mezba said...

Sunehra, so it's true! :-)

Sana, we all have our faults. :-P