Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Hello Doctor

I really don’t like going to the doctor. It’s an unnerving experience. First, they make you wait in that big waiting hall. That’s ok – I can read the latest medical journals and brush up on my microbiology research. Those magazines and their articles on the latest study done on cancer rates of Himalayan rats are so interesting. What I hate is waiting in that little room they take you into when your name comes up. Now you got nothing to do but stare at the wall, where one brightly colored poster cheerfully announces “You may have Hepatitis B already!” Wow, gee thanks.

My doctors can be the sort of Jekyll and Hyde characters. One hardly speaks 5 words.

How are you? … OK… You have *insert random disease here* … take 2 teaspoons of *insert random scribble on notepad here* and see if the symptoms disappear in two weeks. NEXT!

Or there’s the other one. He seems to spend all the time with you – which is good – unless you happen to be waiting in that little room staring at the Hepatitis B poster while you can hear the doctor in the next room talking about his stock portfolio to the patient before you.

Today I got the second doctor, and thankfully the clinic was virtually empty. I was the last patient, and I had only come to get his signature on some form. He beckoned me to step into his office and took the form.

“Ah, you.” He pretended to recognize me while perusing through my file. “How come I don’t see you here more often? You last came two years ago! You should come more often.”

Wow, really? Sorry doctor, I will make a better effort. I didn’t realize one had to get sick so often.

“The clinic’s virtually empty.” I tried to make small talk. “I seem to be the last one in today!”

“Ya, and you are not even sick!” My doctor actually seemed sad at that fact. “It must mean the guy at the pharmacy downstairs must actually be reading my prescriptions correctly.”

He turned to me, expecting a laugh.

“Ha. Ha.” I said, finally getting it, and hoping he was really joking.

“I should get the car serviced if no one comes after you.” My doctor signed my form. “Can’t get my wife to take it to the mechanic for me.”

“Oh.” I uttered, not knowing what to say.

“Yah, she can’t drive manual. It’s a stickshift.”

“Oh,” I nodded.

The doctor stood up and winked at me.

“WHY do you think I got a stickshift? HAHAHA....!”

My goodness. Maybe I have something to learn from this guy after all …

21 comments:

Maliha said...

Salamaat,
aww he is cute :) I like chatty doctors. And for next time's sake, do carry a couple of magazines with you to the small room; it's the only way to survive those Hepatitis posters ;)

Anonymous said...

LOL!Yes,doctors don't remember names but they do remember faces(worked for some before). And yes, do take some magazines(most of the clinics have more in the waiting rooms though)when waiting for them. Some doctors like to *rush* patients, I used to be *terrified* but now, after having been around them, they are *harmless*. Some get you undressed(for check-ups of course!)and it takes them a while to come to see you(while you're freezing,yes the rooms are always cold coz of bugs and stuff). When you do ask lots of questions about your *condition*,they will pay more attn and won't rush you anymore. sf :+)

Suroor said...

Haha! Cute :)

Elyria said...

LOL, I prefer the chatty doctors too. Your doc speaks the truth btw. My husband's second love is his car and I know he's thrilled that I haven't the faintest clue how to drive it.

Invest in a gameboy for those waiting rooms. I swipe my son's whenever I go. Nothing beats New Super Mario!

isheeta said...

I didnt get the joke AT ALL. Whats he saying???

mousehunter said...

Haha..not sure if I could engage in small talk like that with a doctor I don't know. My family doctor is pretty friendly so its ok.

Anonymous said...

:P u men and your cars. reminds me of that episode from The 70s Show when Eric's mom explains to his sister that "Men have their cars. Women *pause* have their hair"

- SH

'liya said...

I don't get the joke either.. but at least your doctor laughs with you - mine laughs AT me. Whenever I go in to tell him of a problem he finds it the funniest thing in the world :S

L said...

Haha, he sounds kinda cute :) My dad is a doctor and he is the chatty kind too. He just keeps going and going and his patients just keep laughing and laughing. I've never found him to be even the slightest bit amusing so I'm not really sure what's going on or what I'm missing.
And he doesn't remember faces or names. Only the illness/disease he diagnosed them with. He'll have no idea who Mrs. Brown, who he's been seeing for two years regularly is but when you say she's the woman with fungus on her feet he'll be like "Oh yeah, I really like her"

mezba said...

Maliha: I am going to take some comics with me next time!

Sf: faces eh? SO that's how he remembered me. I will be full of questions next time.

Suroor: haha maybe I should have asked him that old joke - doc, why do you call what you do practice?

Elyria: hehe.

Mousehunter: He's pretty friendly.

SH: men and boys - the difference is the price of our toys.

Isheeta, Liya: I was thinking it's a shame and coincidence that his car happened to be a manual that his wife couldn't drive. Turns out it was an intentional oversight.

L: LOL!

mousehunter said...

You reminded me of a line from Young Frankenstein.

"Doctor, doctor, what is it?"
"Its a person that helps sick people, but that's not important now"

Tasnuva said...

lol lol.
Thats hilarious!

AKA said...

I've somehow always been stuck with the first type of doctor. The one who barely looks at your or your name before scribbling some script for antibiotics (when you may not even really need them..!!). I'll take the Doctor who attempts to joke over the former kind any day.

sonia said...

i dont like doctors much meself. i try and avoid them - so far ive done a good job i think, but probably ive spoken too soon..

The Bengali Fob said...

that's hlarious. I don't like goign to the doctor's either especially when it's Flu vaccine time! I rebelled this year and didn't go. I didn't get sick (knock on wood0. this proves teh flu vaccine doesn't work... on me.

Sumera said...

My Dr and I have an...ok relationship. I dont even cringe speaking to him about "women stuff, but i have heard of some weirdo Dr who dont care much.

Mind you, he has no decent magazines in the waiting room!

youngmuslimah said...

I'm gonna be a doc insha'Allah..but uh oh, I can't really start socializing w/ ppl the sec i meet them!

Anonymous said...

I should've mentioned that my doctor is a sweetheart. He's going to retire soon though :( but he is so cute and grandfatherly.

The doctors we saw in Kwt on the other hand were the first type. By the time we walked into his office and sat down on a chair he had the tongue depressor in my mouth and the prescription in my mom's hands. Sadly I'm not even kidding.

So yes I love my current doctor :D

- SH

mezba said...

Mousehunter: lol. Is this a TV series or a movie?

Tasnuva: hehe.

Aka: me too, but only on the day when the clinic is empty, or I am at the top of the list.

Sonia; I think you speak for all.

Bfob: I didn't get it this year - and got sick.

Sumera: I think the more educated the doctor is, the more boring his waiting room will be.

SH: when we were in the ME all we had the Penadol doctors. Whatever happens - Panadol.

youngmuslimah said...

I wonder why I was ignored:(

mezba said...

Youngmuslimah: oh so sorry! I must have missed your comment - it was an honest oversight I assure you!

Ya I can't socialize the minute I meet new people but I admire those who can.