Rab Ne ... Sucks

Dear Shah Rukh Khan,

Why? Why? Oh, why?

For nearly 15 years, you have given us movies that while wasn’t good all the time, was entertaining. And then you gave us those true masterpieces, the movies that never age, the movies that became the big blockbusters and the movies through which I remember my childhood. And then you do this.

I remember watching an old print of DDLJ, finally released in the Arab country I lived in. I cheered for you when you said you wanted to marry your love, but with her parents’ blessings. I cheered when you beat up those baddies. And finally, as Simran clutched your hand and leapt on the train, I cheered for the general goodness that a great love story brings on the cinematic curtain.

I am a writer. I love emotions. I love movies that tug at emotions. I loved most of your movies. I remember the scene in KKHH when, years after graduation, Rahul (or Raj, can’t remember) returns to the campus, plays with the basketball, and remembers with fondness the frivolity of youth. Every frame of that movie is brilliant with context, rich with emotions and superfluous at tugging at your heartstrings. And then you do this.

For eight years, we waited. Aditya Chopra, for eight years. Great directors almost never follow a truly epic movie. James Cameron waited nearly 10 years to release Avatar following Titanic. He knew it was hard to match expectations, again. Mr Chopra, you waited just two years after DDLJ and released Mohabbatein. We said, oh, well, ok, fine. He’ll get it next time. And so, eight years we wait. And then you do this.

I mean, how *splutter* is this even believable. A guy shaves off his moustache and the wife doesn’t recognize him? In one second the character turns from geek to hero? And then? Suri becomes a sadistic person willing to take into weird corners his experiment in testing the wife’s fidelity? Is this even believable? What a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE, movie.

I am truly disappointed. It’s been years since I have seen a truly Bollywood love story. C’mon, Bollywood, we love you for what you are. Goofy love stories, choreographed dances in the middle of the desert and dense forest (in the same song!). We like the stereotypes. But overall, we like the emotions. We like the love story. We love the hero being a hero and the heroine being the quintessential heroine. I hate Bollywood when they try to churn out “English-like” movies. But you know, a general believability would be nice! You made *splutter* a story that is so ridiculous it is beyond logic. It is … an insult to logic.

Rab Ne Bana Di Waste Of Time indeed!