Comedy Of Canadian Elections

Feeling stressed out with Christmas shopping? Tired of cancelled flights and rearranged schedules? Fear not, the Canadian elections and our politicians continue the Christmas good cheer with a healthy dose of comedy. Not on purpose though.

Case one. Imagine the scenario. You are a potential suitor, meeting the father of the girl (let's call her Sarah). He asks you one simple question, "Do you love my daughter (Sarah)?"

To that, you reply, "Well, I always said Sarah is a great girl. You know, all of us get involved in dating life spend a lot of time with lots of girls. I get a real sense of girls, where they live, who they are, and what challenges they face. And I think Sarah has a great potential. That's why I am so excited to be with her."

What's this got to do with the election? Well, the Leader of Opposition Mr. Harper was asked a simple question, "Do you love Canada." And this is the answer he gave.

"Well, I said Canada is a great country. You know, all of us who get involved in public life spend a lot of time away from our families to go across the country, probably get in many ways the most rewarding experience you could have, you know. It's not tourist travel, you don't see all the hot spots and all the great sights but you get a real sense - the kind of traveling I've done, especially the last seven or eight months, you get a real sense of Canadians, where they live, who they are and what their challenges are. And I think the country has unlimited potential."

I mean, c'mon Mr Harper. A simple 'yes' would have done. What a silly question. And an even sillier answer.

And sure enough, his opponent our Prime Minister lost no time in saying, "I heard Mr. Harper has a problem saying he loves Canada. Well, let me say it. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Canada."

Case Two. There's going to be FOUR debates this year. If you read the definition of the debates though, I am disappointed. There will be no free-for-all where anyone can speak and interrupt the others. It will be more like the US debates.

Kerry: 3y+z/2=mx+b+c² + emc³
Bush: 2 + 2 = 7

Those can be real boring. I attended one such debate recently. I like free-for-alls. The leaders have to insult each other as politely as possible (we are Canadians after all). Now the debates are going be like this:

Moderator: "What are your opinions on income taxes?"

Prime Minister Mr. Martin: "Well I must say I am deeply concerned about Canadians and their concerns. As Prime Minister I feel it is my duty to be concerned about their issues, unlike the neo-conservative Alliance who have a hidden agenda, about which I am concerned too. After all, my father was also very concerned about Canadian values *sniff*."

Rightist CPC leader Mr. Harper: "As much as I love Canada, I must say I do not like taxes. Canadians hate the sales tax and I love Canada and Canadians, so I have promised reduce the sales tax. This is a great country with a brilliant potential. In conclusion, I [heart] Canada."

Leftist NDP leader Mr. Layton: "Canadians want Parliament to work. The NDP is not concerned with playing political games. We must have a common consensus to move Canada forward. Canadians have told us their problems, and are depending on us for their solutions. Blah blah blah. Yap yap yap."

Separatist Mr. Duceppe: "F*** Canada. Vive La Quebec! Je suis la seule personne qui sait que je ne puis pas être le chef. Ainsi je ne m'inquiète pas des issues comme des impôts."

Who answered the question? What question?

That was week 1. Week 2 is up ahead. It's going to be a loooong election.

Tags: Canada Elections Stephen Harper Paul Martin