I am at this fantastic wedding of a friend. It's the most gorgeous wedding I have EVER attended. Honestly, they must have spent $15K (atleast). Chicken tikka was an appetizer, and there were fireworks at the reception of the bride - literally. Some big ministers were there. They had dance troupes from some South Asian fest, who danced Indian moves to Bengali music remixed with English - but I digress.
At one point, an aunty pulls me aside.
"See that girl?" She points out at some of the numerous girls.
I try to squint. You see, all your life in the middle east you are taught don't look at girls (or 'you will be in jail') and suddenly you come here and finish school and it's all people ask you to do ... looook at this girl, will you! So I look.
"Yes. Which one?"
"That one." She points to this girl who is not only fair-skinned, but has blue eyes, dark long hair, dressed fabulously in a gold embroidered sari - but I digress.
"How would she go with your friend A?" Aunty asks.
"Ah," Now it becomes clear. Aunty is bride-hunting for her poker-playing son who is too busy (probably hitting some bar downtown) to take in this sumptuous wedding. Aunty continues, "she is from a decent family [already researched], is fair [but ofcourse], looks shy and decent [she did] and it seems to me is very traditional and family minded. Shongsharik. Just perfect for my son."
Now let me paint a portrait of her son. His parents think he is Raj from DDLJ. Devoted to parents, moderately religious, has no bad habits etc. Meanwhile, the guy once told me if I spend Saturday night not at a bar hitting some chicks I was wasting my life.
So I agreed with aunty's assessment. The girl was indeed traditional looking, shy, demure, submissive etc. Then I went back to my table. And took out my cellphone.
A few days back, a friend K had sent me a picture of him and his girl friend at an event. He in t-shirt, shorts and his new Rayban; his girl friend in a low cut top and tight jeans. I took that picture out. They made a nice couple. Then I looked at the girl.
Yup, same girl. What's more in fact, I knew of the girl. Demure, traditional and shy, my foot. This aunty is going to be in for a shock. Then again, she was probably perfect for her son.
Tags: Desi Arranged Marriage
The personal, official blog of author Mezbauddin Mahtab
hmm, that's so not surprising and yet kinda sad
ReplyDeletedude, you are evil! ROFLMAO!
ReplyDeletehahaha mez....
ReplyDeleteu know its so true that most girls from the desi community are double-faced. They act completely different in front of parents and aunts and when they are with other group of people, they act entirely different.
On the other note, I agree with Isheeta..U should have gone to the aunty and said, "Oh Aunty, is this the girl you are looking for your son...Oh btw, she is in jeans here".
The look on aunty's face would have been priceless
- Behbood
I'm a little confused
ReplyDeleteso the girl on the cellphone & the sari girl from the party were the same girl?
and she is already dating the guy whose mother is interested in her?
isnt that good?
:-S I have bad ADD or what!
Right now, I feel sorry for the girl. To have her life discussed so blatantly by people that she probably doesn't know exist. To have her photo sent to "strangers". To have desi aunties look her over everywhere she goes.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that desi girls here are so "double-faced" (as Behbood so kindly put it) but that's honestly due to social restrictions.
Anyways, too early in the morning. No caffeine. All I want to say is, I am sorry we are so quick to categorizing people (especially women) and I am sorry that there are girls out there who give the rest of us a bad image. (I am a good girl, you see. :P)
Anon (4:01): Why do you think it's sad?
ReplyDeleteIsheeta: lol.. no we should let sleeping dogs lie, let the elders think what they want.. makes me imagine how bad the 70s were (atleast in desiland) that these aunties have such good ideas about us.
VM: the girl on the cellphone & the sari girl from the party were the same girl. she is dating someone else. the son of the aunty is another person (not dated by the girl).
Nowal: lol that's why i didnt mention the name (not even fake initials) of the girl/guy. And I doubt the aunty reads this blog (even if she knows about it the situation is very generic). However, friends who had read the entry already asked me who the girl was.. I m not telling!
Note to girls: don't let your boyf take pics of you in tight jeans. Especially with his cellphone. No matter how much he 'loves' you. It's going straight out to friends with the caption 'look who i m dating now'.
I don't get it...why is tight jeans a bad thing?
ReplyDeleteI dont know too many girls who wear their jeans on their ass dangling by the knees like ghetto boys. :-/
VM: it's only bad if you are a girl who does NOT want that picture all over the net. Trust me there was lot of losers in college who used to text pics of their girls once those cam phones came out. second, for a girl who is 'bholi bhali' at home but 'mast cheeze' outside home, it's better for privacy reasons, no? (God i sound completely fobby here)
ReplyDeletehilarious.
ReplyDeleteyou know, at my friend's mehndi on friday, the aunties started pulling up chairs around the dance floor before the guys even started to clear out.
some of us could have *sworn* we saw them take score sheets out of their purses. and with camera phones these days...God knows how far the matchmakers will go! :)
I'm not excatly sure what 'bholi bhali' or 'mast cheeze' is I can take a guess what you meant.
ReplyDeleteWhat i have a problem is with what you wrote is that just because a girl wears "tight jeans" she is not a good girl? If stupid guys are taking ics of girls, that's not her problem. It's the stupid guys. Why not blame them for being so hard up that they think a girl wearing "tight jeans" is provocative.
Maybe this is what I have a hard time understanding of the "desi" culture is the girls almost have to live a double life because if u were to the regular clothes that u wear every day to another desi person's house when invited, its "slutish" or disrespectful. I mean I would understand if the picture u got from ur friend was shown her in a compromised position or doing something like taking drugs, but all she was doing was standing beside her bf in clothes that everyone of us see people wearing on the regular basis. Just because she wears sari at events doesnt means she is a hoe for wearing tight jeans nor does it means he wears a sari every single day of her life. It doesnt prove what type of person is.
i'm sorry, yea u did sound completely "fobby" here. Its not like u spoke to her and she said she is a virgin and never had a boyfriend. Making a judgement call just based on looks or what someone wears is maybe what the problem is with the society.
Btw, I added u as one of the blogs I'll read. Hope u dont mind.
What i have a problem is with what you wrote is that just because a girl wears "tight jeans" she is not a good girl?
ReplyDeleteNo no no.. what I meant is she would not fit that aunty's desc of 'good girl'.
As for double life of the girls, I go by the maxim that if you have to hide doing something you are probably doing something wrong. If a girl thinks wearing jeans is ok she shudn't have to hide the fact. Sometimes though you have to respect other's traditions and sensibilities.
but all she was doing was standing beside her bf in clothes that everyone of us see people wearing on the regular basis.
I just think girls should be careful of who they let take pictures of them. It's just society judges girls differently than guys so it's for their protection. Let's face it, guy's pic shows up on hi5 in compromising posn ppl say 'ah boys will be boys' but same stnd is not applied to girls.
Making a judgement call just based on looks or what someone wears is maybe what the problem is with the society.
I will concede that point to you :)
trying for anonymity as well, eh? bengalis need to stop putting up pics of tigers as their avatars. cheesy :P
ReplyDelete