"I have stumbled on the perfect conspiracy." An uncle confided to other uncles at the iftar party I had to attend the other day.
Now if you are wondering what I was doing in the uncles' section - the iftar party had 20 guys and 3 girls - and I got tired of the guys whose only topic of conversation seemed to be lamenting the fact that there were only 3 girls. So on the pretext of getting more haleem I wandered over to see what discussion the uncles were having.
"Yes, the perfect conspiracy designed to suck our money," this uncle was saying. "I went to this car dealership the other day to lease a car for 4 years. But the warranty was only for THREE YEARS!!! Imagine that. They want me to pay an extra 100 dollars for one more year! What a fantastic conspiracy to grab the money of a hard working Muslim and send it to Israel!"
"But," one other uncle was clearly confused. "Didn't you say the dealership was owned by this muslim Saudi friend of yours? A Mohammad-something?"
"Hmmph!" The original uncle turned defensive. "I bet the manufacturer still forces him to contribute money to Israel!"
Never let the facts get in the way of a good conspiracy theory. I like this one. Arabs have oil that drive cars that the West makes and sells to Arabs and this funds Israel. However you need oil to drive the car which benefits the Arabs. No wonder there is no peace in the middle east.
On a side note I have another slightly sacrilegious question for the religious.
In Islam the act of intimate relations between a husband and his wife is considered to be an act of ibadah or worship, right? And in Ramadan, every act of worship is rewarded thousand times more than usual, right?
So logically, in Ramadan, shouldn't you be having more sex, not less?
Those 20 guys should thank me once they are married.
The personal, official blog of author Mezbauddin Mahtab
Salaam.
ReplyDeleteThis won't be PC, but the conspiracy theories at the Uncle quarters beat the Aunty section anyday (seriously, the conversations they have...)
Shouldn't EVERYTHING a Muslim be an act of 'ibadah? Like even walking into the lav (with the left foot first, with the right intention)? Like studying (with the right intention)? Like smiling at a non-Muslim neighbor (with the right intention)? Surely intercourse isn't the sole rewarding action for a Muslim (furthermore, it's permissibility for Ramadan nights appears in the Qur'an, but it didn't seem like an all-out encouragement the way I read it?).
To take your logic further, should we hyperventilate and do everything extra in Ramadan?
Allah knows best.
good one mezba.
ReplyDeletei have a question as well ( possibly sacrilegious) - why is it so much of religion ends up being about 'rewards' - isn't that a bit of a greedy way to look at it.
mezba,
ReplyDeletethat is probably the farthest i've heard this particular conspiracy theory taken. it usually irks me enough to hear people say, "i think he's a jew," every time they mention a non-muslim who is distasteful in some way. argh.
but i came here for another reason. i saw your name posting a comment on amygdala's blog, though i've seen you before on koonj i think, and it suddenly hit me that i had a dream - last night? the night before? - in which there was a little girl with the name mezba. mezba had a little brother too, whom i saw first, but then i saw mezba and there was something really important about her. i have no idea what the dream was about and i don't remember anything else about it, sorry. but i just remember the little girl named mezba. short, straight hair, cute. i never used to remember dreams, but i tend to see more and remember more during ramadan. anyway, just thought i'd share...
Em: I think uncles beat aunties anytime. All topics aunties talk about can be reduced to either A married B in real life or A married B in reel life.
ReplyDeleteAs for why bring up the sex aspect and not other worship activities, there seems to be a certain distaste directed towards sex in Ramadan, is there not? So I thought I would just bring it up. Besides, its a good excuse and men need all the excuse they can get, or so I have been told (by people who will remain anonymous here - you know who you are).
Sonia: Why are there so many talks about rewards? I don't know really - possibly that's how most human minds operate? Although most pious Muslims will tell you their paradise would be complete only in the company of the Prophet and under the shadow of the Arsh.
Ayesha: Whoa! Girl Mezba? No no no... lol... I have never met a girl Mezba. Actually I hardly met any Mezba.
Anyways, welcome to the blog. And yeah, those blaming everything on the Jews irks me as well. Why cant they learn from the sense of enterprise and value the Jewish people place on education?
Haha... I would probably lose count of the number of "Jewish" conspiracies discovered by uncles - but to be fair its mostly the very old or the recently new immigrants who think like that - they are not 'integrated' yet.
ReplyDeleteIn many of the qualities people in the West are more 'Islamic' than Muslims, for example having a minimum wage (first established by Caliph Umar), dignity of labor, women's rights, freedom of movement and speech and so on.
As for the sex part, man... what wierd questions you think up! To be fair Islam does not shy away from sex - a lesson lost on Muslims from the subcontinent. Islam discusses sexual positions, behaviours, how to keep the wife happy, etc. etc.
- Farah
Salamaat,
ReplyDeleteAm I the only sis who wistfully glances at the brother's section during dinners/iftars/community events...(i know *haraaam*)
but it seems like brothers have much better discussions than the sister's side (this is all inclusive and totally stereotypical i know).
having grown up with a lot of guys in my house; I always appreciate heated debates on everything..
sigh...I'd take conspiracy theories (Jews galore ) anyday over samosas, marriage, outfits, baby, shoe discussions...maybe with the exception of baby discussions..i like baby talk:)
Man, I really love this blog. You have a stupendously refreshing approach to tackling even the most boring topics.
ReplyDeleteIam in Nigeria...worlds aprt from you..but I feel you.
Regards....and yes, your observation (regarding doing more ibadah during Ramadan, including s**) makes sense to me.