Lameass Conversations of The Week

At a social:

Aunty: So, when are you getting married?

Me [with perfect straight face]: "October 7^th. It should say on the card... oh!" Then pretended as if I suddenly remembered why we had not sent her a card, and slowly backed away. The mortified aunty took ten minutes to clarify from mother that I was a pathological liar.

Chatting with a friend's wife:

Me: So are you guys going for the new SRK movie, Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna?

Her: Yes, but I am so conflicted, it has Rani Mukherjee in it. I hate Rani.

Me: Why?

Her: Well, she kept SRK away from Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

Me: You are so gay.

At the park:

I go to the tennis courts near my house. A sole Pakistani dude, slightly older looking, was practicing his serves there and soon we are engaged in a friendly match. After sometime, I decide to take a break.

I am sitting on a bench, catching my breath. A white woman comes near the bench with a stroller. The baby is one of the most beautiful, most cute, babies I have seen. I tell her so.

"Thanks," she replies, sitting down on the bench, taking out the baby and placing it on her lap. My opponent comes to fetch me for the next game.

While I am talking to her, she starts to breastfeed her little toddler - just as I am in the middle of a sentence, and the other player is just about to tell me to get back to the court. He ofcourse, without solicitation from my part, begins to tell me (in Urdu) why women who breastfeed in public should go to hell.

'dekh kitna besharmi se yeh ...blah blah blah' [all the while looking, ofcourse]

After debating whether I should tell him to clam up, or quote the law that says what she is doing is legal, or just point out that we are in Canada and it's no business of ours, I just get up and tell the lady, 'Nice to have met you, better get back to my game now'.

Without missing a beat the woman replies, in chaste Urdu: 'Aapse milker khushi huiyee. Allah Hafez'. (nice to have met you, God bless).

Regardless to say, the depth to which my tennis friend's jaw fell was a sight to behold.

Tags: Toronto Desi