tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post7952648023355271785..comments2024-03-25T01:20:22.817-04:00Comments on a bengali in TO: Why Do Men Go Back To Marry?mezbahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comBlogger62125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-53139450122395493612020-02-03T02:50:52.781-05:002020-02-03T02:50:52.781-05:00Awesome Blog. You're posting a very informativ...Awesome Blog. You're posting a very informative stuff that indicate to all those men who scared about marriage and they go back to marry. Thanks for posting & keep up the great work!Emma Ritterhttps://www.jumpdates.com/registration_one.phpnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-5549739610478166612016-07-18T17:20:47.494-04:002016-07-18T17:20:47.494-04:00Hmm, all very interesting comments to the post and...Hmm, all very interesting comments to the post and all seem to share similar thoughts.<br />My take on having grown up in the UK and lived many years in the US but born young in Bangladesh is that I see many of the personalities of the kids being shaped by the parents.<br />I am no psychologist but I can speak from some experience.<br /><br />The fact that many folks come to the US especially parents of young children have a strong inclination towards the Bengali culture. Unless the parents have a very 'mixed' and open view of the society here in US they will continue to profess and preach what they know without true appreciation of the western culture. It actually stems from the need to 'blockade' western influence which they have already argued as 'too liberating or free' which can potentially divert their children somehow towards a 'bad path' that can be damaging. What a shame, since I have seen both sides of the culture with an open mind and tried to acquire what is good on all sides without being judgmental and taking either side.<br /><br />What happens as a result, is that the children take on a 'mixed' confused personality where their conversation centers around 'oh, stop thinking like a white or gora'. Almost as though their ways of life are degenerate or something and the culture they follow is somehow superior to theirs. Firstly, it is very ignorant and bigoted thinking that is not going to win friends with any open minded person be it in the west or east. On the other token, they indirectly credit the white folks when it comes to discriminating black folks. Oh, this area must be good since it is primarily a white community!<br /><br />Unfortunately, I have seen kids grown up in this thinking and the kids definitely are a bit messed up as a result. Their opinions are shaped by their parents and they stopped to think if they are even right or wrong. What makes it worse is that they choose to 'live' a life of two cultures, for example, I am too independent and want this 'free lifestyle' of the West but in some cases do not participate in the backward thinking of some Bengali 'culture'. How quaint and convenient. It disheartens me when this is the kind of personalities I come across from the Bengali culture. The children end up taking advantage of their situation ie. let me enjoy the benefits of what Bengali has to offer ie. stay at home forever where mother and father can provide for me and let me simply delay the marriage. I am sorry, but you simply cannot do or think like that. The respect of one's parents now come into the picture ie. to abide by them and follow the tradition of having an arranged marriage. I hope the readers understand that 'independence' comes at a price and not at the convenience of what the society has to offer. <br /><br />I wanted to see how many readers would agree to some of these points.<br />Thanksjumpdateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16740104164490757959noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-50773948817029879032016-05-21T18:12:20.908-04:002016-05-21T18:12:20.908-04:00So, perhaps a few years late... But I wanted to ad...So, perhaps a few years late... But I wanted to add that many Bengali girls like myself, have given up on Bengali men in the West and Desh... We are marrying out :)<br /><br />Bibinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-80967153410411794592015-08-13T10:06:02.615-04:002015-08-13T10:06:02.615-04:00My experience of British muslims are limited, but ...My experience of British muslims are limited, but in Canada the girls wait too long to get married and then moan about why they can't find anyone (because, hey, the guys are the same age as you and they want someone younger).mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-84107014966622604472015-07-22T17:18:39.407-04:002015-07-22T17:18:39.407-04:00I'm a British Bengali guy and I definitely wan...I'm a British Bengali guy and I definitely want to go back to Bangladesh to marry. There are just more options 80 million Bengali females. Extrapolate to find my age range LOL.<br /><br />Also, I will get flak this, but in my experience British Bengali guys and girls are ready to throw stereotypes about living , breathing men, women and children in Bangladesh who struggle a lot compared to the spoiled, cherished lives Britons live.<br /><br />However, when they try to throw stereotypes back at British Bengalis (rude, attitude, terrorist, violent, chav, obese etc.) WW3 breaks out.<br /><br />Overall, I think if we are throwing stereotypes about (an just to preface: once again bengali guys are worse than Bengali girls!) if I'm talking about Western Bengali girls; the majority of them are rude, materialistic, extreme, arrogant, cheat on you, argue with your parents or are just generally not very humble and understanding. So overall, I prefer Bengali traditional girls from Bdesh rather than Western/Arab wannabe girls that can be found here.<br /><br />Some cases include Bengali guys marrying Bengali here. Girl cheats on him with some Arab guy or Turkish guy at her workplace end of marriage etc. (Also, many cases of amazing girls, but the Bengali guys is drug abuser or goes to prison etc.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-32261824883098936752012-02-15T14:43:18.528-05:002012-02-15T14:43:18.528-05:00Nasmira, peer pressure?
I mean some people do say...<b>Nasmira</b>, peer pressure?<br /><br />I mean some people do say older women are great. I had one guy say to me (not a very female friendly joke but wth) that "older ladies don't swell, they don't tell, and they are as grateful as hell" ...mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-1056756142104958482012-02-15T12:31:05.081-05:002012-02-15T12:31:05.081-05:00"..most parents of sons want a daughter-in-la..."..most parents of sons want a daughter-in-law at least 2-4 years younger (and truth be told, the guys would like that too)"..<br />Well..completely out of curiosity and ignorance, I ask...why do men want "younger" girls? (not an offensive tone really..*just curious*)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-91309435761829348972008-11-04T15:14:00.000-05:002008-11-04T15:14:00.000-05:00Raniyas: I am just stating what is realistic. This...<B>Raniyas</B>: I am just stating what is realistic. This is how it works, now if girls here are delaying marriage because they want something more the guys (mostly) will go back 'home'.mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-5875281317045547352008-11-04T15:11:00.000-05:002008-11-04T15:11:00.000-05:00I think when girls turn +24, they want at least so...I think when girls turn +24, they want at least something, after having finished education, being raised in the west, etc. The girls are usually ripped out of their familiar environment and are told to serve a completely new family and consider them their own, and if they even demand their own place, they are looked down upon as if they have committed a crime, and seen as arrogant and too demanding. Yet, what does the guy has to bring in? Does he leave his family and friends behind? No. He has all the comforts as before, and expects his wife to be from the west and perfect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-34804266744205586102008-06-20T09:51:00.000-04:002008-06-20T09:51:00.000-04:00Neena: I have to educate myself on Pakistani polit...Neena: I have to educate myself on Pakistani politics I don't know much.<BR/><BR/>Anisa: May you and your husband have a long and happy marriage!<BR/><BR/>Anon: Abu Sinan answers you below.<BR/><BR/>Abu Sinan: Thanx. I knew the law but didn't have the reference.<BR/><BR/>Tee: Welcome to the blog (yes I know I am late in replying). I know men tend to go for younger women. I am not arguing for or against - just saying this is the way it is and women here looking for marriage partners just start out late and with two strikes against them already!<BR/><BR/>Friendly Lion: Thanx!<BR/><BR/>Anon (1:13): My friends tell me that same thing nowadays.<BR/><BR/>Sonia: You know, I visited Dhaka recently and I agree with most of your points.<BR/><BR/>Anon (3:11): I think it depends on the couple. Most men give a little in exchange for some, er, benefits. As one of my friends very crudely put it, "all for a patch of fur".<BR/><BR/>HalfDeen: Why?mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-9109874121745459792008-06-20T03:38:00.000-04:002008-06-20T03:38:00.000-04:00My friend went back to BD and no success.My friend went back to BD and no success.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-19464182343542153942007-06-02T03:11:00.000-04:002007-06-02T03:11:00.000-04:00I don't agree with the whole "obedient and chai-ma...I don't agree with the whole "obedient and chai-making" brides from bangladesh and I say this from watching a lot of women including my chachi. She is a doctor (from bangladesh anyways)and she treats my uncle like crap. If she tells him to sit under a tree for an hour, he has to do it or all hell will break lose. I see other bengali women brag about how they get their husbands to do what they want. It just seems like us western girls brought up here don't understand to whole manipulating and sweet talking phsycology. We are who we are and speak the truth. If I don't like your cooking, I'm not gonna lie about how wonderful it was. And also bengali girls are much more "chalo", and know exactly what they want and have they're whole life planned out at seventeen including on how to control their husbands and sweet-talk their way through anything, while I can't even decide on a college major. I don't mean to generalize or offend anyone, but I just can't play the whole bahu-shashuri mind games. Perhaps its the envireonment one grows up in, and infact I sometime wish I was rather brought up in Dhaka than in the US.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-67204509559410357782007-06-02T02:59:00.000-04:002007-06-02T02:59:00.000-04:00I have to say that the "obedient, chai making" BD ...I have to say that the "obedient, chai making" BD imported wife is something I don't agree with. I know this because of my mamis and various new aunties I see. Most modern bengali women from bangladesh are very "chalo" unlike us girls brought up in the US/Canada. My uncle is scared to death of his wife who is at least ten years junior, plus she's a doctor, to do something against her will. She's the boss and if she told him to sit, he will actually sit. While we US/Canadian born can't even decide on our major in college, they have they're life completely planned out at seventeen, including on how to manipulate their future husbands into buying them what they want. Girls in BD understand phsycology a lot better than we do and know to do all the sweet talking on how to get everyone to love em. Us western girls are more simple minded,; we are who we are and speak the truth bluntly, if I don't like your cooking I won't insist on how wonderful it was, and we don't know how to play all the bahu-shashuri mind games. And plus if you look around in Dhaka, there are very few girls without boyfriends. My point, somehow they are more mature and prepared to enter the complexity of desi marriages and win than us girls in the west.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-77545064389020195742007-03-30T07:47:00.000-04:002007-03-30T07:47:00.000-04:00oh yes and it's not just the 'english school' type...oh yes and it's not just the 'english school' types hanging out in dhanmondi lake - which appears to be a popular idea that only the english medium 'set' are 'fast'. ive seen all sorts during my time hanging about that lake..including women in niqabs<BR/>( a very good disguise after all when you want to be out with your boyfriend and not recognised)<BR/><BR/>*chortle*Soniahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02743097365418530902noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-81361350441267616002007-03-30T07:45:00.000-04:002007-03-30T07:45:00.000-04:00whoever posted the last comment made some good poi...whoever posted the last comment made some good points. girls in dhaka range from 'old fashioned' goody goody to super modern of course im not going to live in a joint family. take your pick but it would be silly to assume they're all the same ( just as it is to assume all girls in canada will be the same)<BR/><BR/>does seem to be the case that a lot of fellas brought up in the west have much more old fashioned ideas about living with in-laws than blokes in dhaka. as girls are 'becoming modern' in dhaka - so are the blokes! <BR/><BR/>has no one ever visited the dhaka hottie sites?!<BR/><BR/>or been to dhanmondi lake - ever!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-46345942310765845612007-03-26T13:13:00.000-04:002007-03-26T13:13:00.000-04:00Mezba, Great blog. I just started reading your bl...Mezba, Great blog. I just started reading your blog and find it fascinating. I agree with most of the points you are making. I married the middle class/BD graduate that just moved here. I thought I outsmarted them all, and got me best of the both worlds. One thing that is wrong with goind back to BD to hunt for a wifie is that, the social norms are much different. We (in north amrika) are stuck in a time warp a decade behind. Dhaka has progressed economically, where girls have different expectations out of life, and more liberal and free with their male counterpart. Gone are the days of your wifie making tea for you in the morning. If anything, the BD girls still have that standard stuck in their head, so if You are after that TEA in the morning, you are better off marrying BD girls in here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-91154979020439711692007-03-16T15:53:00.000-04:002007-03-16T15:53:00.000-04:00Heyi have linked this post here: http://rantingsof...Hey<BR/><BR/>i have linked this post here: http://rantingsofapakichick.blogspot.com/2007/03/marriage-and-desi-marriage.htmlThe friendly lionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06842956852096980109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-3389959349561060602007-03-14T08:49:00.000-04:002007-03-14T08:49:00.000-04:00Regardless of whether I agree with the the opinion...Regardless of whether I agree with the the opinions posted here, I found it a very interesting and well written read. (Came via Aisha).<BR/><BR/>As for the age thing - I think this could be said among men all over the world, no matter what culture. That is why we women have so many products to help "regain youth" or "look younger". And why men go through a mid-life crisis, divorce their wife and get a young girlfriend.<BR/><BR/>I guess the reasons for this (Men prefering younger women over women their own age) are varied. Scientifically perhaps it could be said that it's instinct to pick the most fertile, but I think saying that makes men look a bit primitive, don't you?<BR/><BR/>So my question is, why the younger woman? The looks between a 25 year old and 21 year old are probably not obvious. If the 25 year old lied, you would never even know. <BR/><BR/>Besides, the 25 year old would be your better pick. Isn't there something to be said for maturity, knowledge and wisdom? ... Most 21 year olds don't have a lot of any of those yet.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, well written. Nice to "meet" you outside of Aisha's comments ;)Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09871358455467989747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-22676493607497311052007-01-19T06:10:00.000-05:002007-01-19T06:10:00.000-05:00go mezba! :-)
you've won yourself a huge female ...go mezba! :-) <br /><br />you've won yourself a huge female following with this one - ( not that you didn't have one before anyway...) <br /><br />bet all the other fellas are out there gnashing their teeth, heh heh.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-35141222520674226632007-01-12T12:52:00.000-05:002007-01-12T12:52:00.000-05:00Anonymous,
The Qur'an states: "Men are the maint...Anonymous, <br /><br />The Qur'an states: "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend of their wealth (for the support of women)." [4:34] <br /><br /> Keeping the house, having and raising children is considered work, so infact Muslim women, even if they have no job outside the home, certain have a job in the home!<br /><br />There is a hadith that says:<br /><br /> "Listen carefully! you have some rights over your wives and your wives have rights over you. They guard your beds against being polluted by others and see that the persons disliked by you must not find entrance in your house. And listen they have their rights over that you should feed and clothe them well." <br /><br /> The Prophet also said that the best gift or charity (sadaqa) is that spent on one's wife.أبو سنانhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04213826171467402183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-87252377804537168372007-01-12T12:31:00.000-05:002007-01-12T12:31:00.000-05:00"What you say about wives not wanting to part with..."What you say about wives not wanting to part with their income is also the Islamic rule. The husband's income is to be split between his and his family's upkeep, including a stipend for his wife, whereas he has no right on his wife's income. This is Islamic law."<br /><br />I just want to know where did you find out about it. Is there a hadith or is it somewhere in the Qur'an?? I just want something to show to my husband in this regard who will be in total disagreement with you regarding this if he read this comment.<br /><br />Thanks!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-50108756728803719052007-01-12T10:32:00.000-05:002007-01-12T10:32:00.000-05:00i just wanted to say that i had everything about o...i just wanted to say that i had everything about obeying, submissive, etc. taken out of my marriage vows because i think that's a bunch of bull. i was raised to think for myself and stand up for myself. and my husband agrees.<br /><br /><br />thanks for the entertaining read! :)Anisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00256551181425405156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-12055116624774280502007-01-11T22:02:00.000-05:002007-01-11T22:02:00.000-05:00Though I don’t see any connection to Marriage post...Though I don’t see any connection to Marriage post but still, I begged this chance ;).<br /><br /><i>the current political crisis seems to be indicative of a systematic lack of strong leadership</i><br /><br />Or it could mean lack of too eager Army generals to benefit from this golden chance. Anyway in 1977 Pakistan too had a similar crisis and Zia pocketed the excuse and gave us the most unfair Marshall Law (we still are fighting to rise above it). I hope similar thing wouldn’t happen in Bangladesh as how weak their democracy is they always able to keep army away. <br /><br />P.S. I'm from Pakistan hence the comparison since I see a parallel here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-69611345719313760342007-01-11T20:56:00.000-05:002007-01-11T20:56:00.000-05:00Neena: lol
Anon (8.55): You don't need to tell me...Neena: lol<br /><br />Anon (8.55): You don't need to tell me how hard it is to meet people here ;-) Ya I guess it doesn't give much time to know someone in Bdesh if you go back for a short vacation.<br /><br />Abu Sinan: Your comments are of course welcome. I would suspect situations would be similar for Arab men here going back.<br /><br />Sabir: I dont know much about Bangladesh society - it's been a while since I was there.mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7600258.post-56783534447123395492007-01-11T20:45:00.000-05:002007-01-11T20:45:00.000-05:00Behbood: haha... lol. Good one.
S.a.:
I know some...Behbood: haha... lol. Good one.<br /><br />S.a.:<br /><I>I know some girls who went back home and married, and brought their husbands here, and are STILL happily married. Unique cases? Maybe… keeps faith up and hope alive.</i><br />Good stuff, happy stories. I like that.<br /><br /><I>So Mezba, when you say that one of the reasons why you want to marry someone from here is so that you can be SURE that the girl will be marrying you for YOU, and not your bank balance… well, all I’d like to say as a well-wisher is I sincerely hope that you find the kind of girl that you want.</i><br />I hope so too :-)<br /><br />hmm about respect of parents and friction. It's something to think about, for sure.<br /><br />abcdlaw: welcome!<br /><br /><I>My (Pakistani) friend just married a Bengali guy and man is he whipped.</i><br /><br />Ouch! Sorry to hear that. Grrr....<br /><br />If my parents threw a party and my wife showed up in pants you can bet I would have a thing to say or two! And it won't be "cute".<br /><br />Samiha: Thank you for your comments.mezbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16450639860657867772noreply@blogger.com